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Deborah Collins Stephens. This Is Not the Life I Ordered
Praise for This Is Not the Life I Ordered
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INTRODUCTION TO THE. SECOND EDITION: HOPE REMAINS A STRATEGY (ALWAYS)
WHAT'S NEW?
WHO ARE WE?
PREFACE: SLIGHTLY LESS THAN WORST-CASE SCENARIOS
When Bad Things Happen to Smart Women
Kitchen-Table Friends
Surviving and Thriving
So, How's Your Life?
FOREWORD
Just Deal with It
You Don't Die from Not Being Liked
Perseverancia
CHAPTER ONE. MANAGING MISFORTUNE
1. CONVENE A GATHERING OF KITCHEN-TABLE FRIENDS
Find One Safe Place to Tell Your Story
Seven Steps for Forming a Kitchen-Table Group
2. TRANSCEND MISFORTUNATE EVENTS
Jungle Encounter
3. WHEN LEFT ON THE TARMAC, START WALKING
Three Minutes from Death
One Step Forward, One Day at a Time
Life Gives No Guarantees
4. WHEN LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU ORDERED, BEGIN AGAIN
Death and Divorce
Moving On
Am I Dating . . . or Not?
5. LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE BLUE-HAIRED LADY
Blue Hair on Fridays
Obstacles and Possibilities
Light Travels Through Broken Places
This Isn't My First Rodeo
Endings
6. WHEN YOU ARE STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE POOL, JUMP IN
Hide-and-Seek
A Family Full of Secrets
Where in the World Is Zimbabwe?
7. LISTEN TO THE CHILDREN
Minus One at the Dinner Table
If It's Worth Doing, It's Worth Overdoing
Sorry to Hear That
Not Gone—Just on a Long Vacation
Why Don't We Have a Daddy?
Choose Your Own Path
Always Rise
I'll Be There
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR MANAGING MISFORTUNE
CHAPTER TWO. LEARNING TO LOVE MISTAKES
8. BE WILLING TO MAKE GREAT MISTAKES
Creative Accidents
The Theory of “Oops”
9. GIVE UP THINKING THAT YOU CAN DO IT ALL
You've Come a Long Way, Baby
Find Fifteen Minutes
10. CREATE “TO-DON'T” LISTS
Misguided Pride in Multi-Tasking
Are You on the List?
11. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF
Polite and Waiting for My Turn
Don't Be Your Own Worst Enemy
12. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE. DEPRESSED OR DESPERATE (OR BOTH) TO NETWORK
Do You End When a Job Ends?
Tending and Befriending
13. DON'T BELIEVE THAT TO. SUCCEED YOU MUST BE “MORE LIKE A MAN.”
Think Like a Woman
14. MOVE ON, MOVE UP, OR MOVE OUT
Learn to Be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
15. TRUST IN GOD, BUT ROW AWAY FROM ROCKS
They'll Take Care of Me
Never Make Assumptions
Moving On
16. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE
Nagging Doubts
17. REALIZE THAT RISKS ARE PART OF THE PACKAGE
Take Wise Risks
Do You Dare?
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR LEARNING TO LOVE MISTAKES
CHAPTER THREE. MAKE COURAGE AN EVERYDAY COMPANION
18. KNOW IT'S THE OBSTACLES IN THE STREAM THAT MAKE IT SING
Courage Needs a Partner
19. REALIZE THAT COURAGE OFTEN MEANS LETTING GO
Holding On and Letting Go
Positive Attitudes Are Underrated
20. DEVELOP A FUNNY BONE
Stressed Is Desserts Spelled Backward
21. WALK THROUGH FIELDS OF FEAR
The Killing Fields
Learn to Walk Through Fear
22. BE BRAVE ON YOUR OWN BEHALF
The Mom from Petaluma
A Mom on a Mission
Rock the Boat
23. EARN YOUR OWN RED BADGE OF COURAGE
The Steely Look of Resolve
Courage in Everyday Life
24. LET YOURSELF CRY WHEN TINKER BELL DIES
The Courage to Stay
25. WEAR A COURAGE BRACELET
Sweaty Palms
Don't Sit in the Audience of Life
26. KNOW THAT COURAGE ISN'T ONLY FOR HEROES
Courage Roars When You Find Your Voice
Calling Foul
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR MAKING COURAGE AN EVERYDAY COMPANION
CHAPTER 4. UNDERSTANDING MONEY
27. WHEN YOU ARE SHORT ON DOLLARS, BE RICH IN SPIRIT
Self-Made Women
Women Hold the Purse Strings
28. LEARN THE LESSONS FROM THE DREAM HOUSE ON CHATEAU DRIVE
In Just That Moment
29. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOUR FINANCIAL DNA IS ON LIFE SUPPORT
Simply Because We Are Women
Income Potential versus Income Reality
30. REALIZE THAT OZZIE AND HARRIET ARE LONG GONE
Harriet Left the House Without Her Cash
31. FOLLOW YOUR CASH SO IT. DOESN'T END UP IN SOMEONE ELSE'S POCKET
Women Have the Money Gene
Deal with the Big When It Is Small
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR. UNDERSTANDING MONEY
CHAPTER FIVE. WHEN LIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU ORDERED, BEGIN AGAIN
32. NEVER SAY NEVER
Change Is Messy
The Power of Words
Persist; Don't Retreat
33. JUST SIT WITH IT
34. INVENT A SECRET LANGUAGE FOR CHANGE
Dreaded Questions
Our Secret Language
35. SAY THE UNSAYABLE
Speak Your Truth
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR WHEN LIFE. IS NOT WHAT YOU ORDERED
CHAPTER SIX. REINVENTING YOURSELF
36. RECOGNIZE THAT CHOCOLATE. HAS TO MELT IN ORDER TO TAKE A NEW FORM
Melting Down
Getting Back “In Play”
37. WHEN DREAMS TURN TO DUST, VACUUM
Reclaiming Hope
38. DON'T TAKE THE CRUMBS; YOU'RE HERE FOR THE WHOLE CAKE
Settling or Choosing?
39. BE GRATEFUL THE DOG. DIDN'T PEE ON THE CARPET
The Power of Gratitude
Gratitude as a Healing Force
A Pearl of Gratefulness
40. DON'T COMPLAIN; CREATE
Rising from the Ashes
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR. REINVENTING YOURSELF
CHAPTER 7. CARRYING WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED
THE CLUB NO ONE WISHED TO JOIN
41. LAUGH IN THE DARK
42. FORM A MERRY WIDOWS CLUB
Walking on the Skin of Ruins
43. BUILD YOUR OWN “KITCHEN CABINET.”
Help Is a Gift—You're Worth It
44. ASK FOR HELP
Don't Power On and Manage Through
45. CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT, CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Psychological Decluttering
46. JUST CLEAN SOMETHING
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR CARRYING. WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED
CHAPTER EIGHT. FACING NAYSAYERS
47. PERSIST
Being a Different Drummer
Energy Vampires
48. LISTEN TO YOUR BELIEFS, NOT YOUR DOUBTS
The World Belongs to Dreamers
49. TAKE BACK YOUR POWER
Advocate for You
50. REFUSE TO BE IMPRISONED. BY YOUR PAST
Resilience Is Something You Do
Esteem-able Acts
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR. FACING NAYSAYERS
CHAPTER NINE. REBOUNDING FROM MISTAKES, MISERY, AND MAYHEM
51. UNDERSTAND THAT SUCCESS. OFTEN COMES DISGUISED AS A DUMB IDEA
Greatness Stems from Dumb and Weird
52. SEEK OUT A DREAM CATCHER
Dream Big
The Power of Dreaming
53. SCHEDULE A PAINT DATE
Garage Artists
Wisdom for Breakfast
54. FIND THREE WISE WOMEN
Finding Wisdom
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR. REBOUNDING FROM MISTAKES, MISERY, AND MAYHEM
CHAPTER 10. DESIGNING YOUR LIFE
55. DISRUPT YOURSELF
Never Waste a Good Crisis
56. THINK LIKE AN ENGINEER
The Ten-Year Itch
57. BE CURIOUS
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR DESIGNING. YOUR LIFE
CHAPTER ELEVEN. LIGHT A CANDLE IN THE DARK
58. SHINE A LIGHT, DON'T CURSE. THE DARK
Fire and Spark
Frequent Flyer
No Emotion Is Ever Final
59. LEARN TO FORGIVE
Betrayal Stings
Forgiveness Heals
From Victim to Leader
60. APPLY THESE LESSONS LEARNED
Wiser and Richer
WIT KIT TOOLS FOR LIGHTING A. CANDLE IN THE DARK
EPILOGUE
DON'T REINVENT THE WHEEL
MAKE A COMEBACK
WORK AT IT
FIND THE UNEXPECTED JOY
REFERENCES. 5. LEARN THE SECRETS OF THE. BLUE-HAIRED LADY
8. BE WILLING TO MAKE GREAT MISTAKES
12. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE DEPRESSED. OR DESPERATE (OR BOTH) TO NETWORK
14. MOVE ON, MOVE UP, OR MOVE OUT
17. REALIZE THAT RISKS ARE PART OF THE PACKAGE
21. WALK THROUGH FIELDS OF FEAR
25. WEAR A COURAGE BRACELET
26. KNOW THAT COURAGE ISN'T ONLY OWNED BY HEROES
27. WHEN YOU ARE SHORT ON DOLLARS, BE RICH IN SPIRIT
29. DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOUR FINANCIAL DNA IS ON LIFE SUPPORT
37. WHEN DREAMS TURN TO DUST, VACUUM
38. DON'T TAKE THE CRUMBS; YOU'RE HERE FOR THE WHOLE CAKE
39. BE GRATEFUL THE DOG DIDN'T PEE ON THE CARPET
CHAPTER 7: CARRYING WHAT CANNOT BE FIXED
47. PERSIST
50. REFUSE TO BE IMPRISONED BY YOUR PAST
52. SEEK OUT A DREAM CATCHER
54. FIND THREE WISE WOMEN
55. DISRUPT YOURSELF
57. BE CURIOUS
58. SHINE A LIGHT, DON'T CURSE THE DARK
59. LEARN TO FORGIVE
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
TO OUR READERS
