Parents and grown up children

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Natalia Manukhina. Parents and grown up children

Introduction

Part 1. Deep reflection

Children against their parents

Parents of grown up children

Duty, investment or a bottomless pit?

It is never too late to start

Considering as “adults”

Separation in relations

Independence

Grownup children get married

Strangers’ children who become our family members

When there is more than one grownup child

“Incomplete” and “untraditional” families

When we part

Loving openly

Part 2. When babies of grownup children appear in a family

When we become grandparents

Children are already parents

Three or four-generation families

Grandmother and/or nanny

Why grandparents are easier to deal with than parents

Отрывок из книги

…At the age of six my lifestyle as an active child was severely restricted due to heart problems caused by flu: I was no longer allowed to run, spring and jump, or scamper around the yard with other children. The limitations included skipping kindergarten and a “lifelong” exemption from physical education at school.

When I was nine Father, in spite of worries and fears of my mother, took me to swimming lessons. At the swimming pool “Moscow” (in whose place the Cathedral of Christ the Savior has been restored now) he saw an advertisement that read: “Boys and girls! If you want to become masters of sport come to the swimming instructor…” Father apparently wanted me to become a master of sport rather than an invalid, or maybe it was because he himself had learnt to swim from a teach yourself book at a mature age. Anyway, he took me to the instructor mentioned in the advertisement.

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However, negotiations between parents and children are also a lifelong process. For that reason both sides can agree or refuse to satisfy each other’s requests; or they might not be able to fully satisfy them and might offer something else instead. Not having received what they want from their children parents can try to get that from other people. Thus, along with making investments in our children we are impelled to work hard, save money, make contributions to retirement and other funds, get involved in public life, donate for charity, maintain the existing relationships and establish relationships with new people.

We can also make an “investment” with the expectation of growing interest earnings. We invest in our children and get the interest that increases with the arrival of new generations and people who interact with them.

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