Of course you love being a parent. But sometimes, it just sucks.I know. I’m Amber Dusick and I started my blog Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures because I needed a place to vent about the funny (and frustrating) day-to-day things that happened to me as a parent. Turns out, poo is hilarious! At least when you’re not the one wiping it up. This book won’t make your frustrating moments any less crappy. But these stories about my Crappy Baby, Crappy Boy and my husband, Crappy Papa, will hopefully make you laugh. Because you’re not alone. And sometimes the crappiest moments make the best memories. Parenting is wonderful! And also, well, you know. ‘The drawings aren’t very good, Mama.’ —Crappy Boy, age 5
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Amber Dusick. Parenting Illustrated with Crappy Pictures
Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures. Amber Dusick
CONTENTS
Meet the Crappy Family
AGING
MY BREASTS
MY STOMACH
GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE
TAKING A BATH
SLEEPING
BABIES DON’T SLEEP
PRODUCTS TO HELP TRICK KIDS TO SLEEP
WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO (NOT) SLEEP AT NIGHT
THE BEDTIME ROUTINE AND THINGS I DO WHEN I SHOULD BE SLEEPING
HOW KIDS WAKE UP
COFFEE: THE PARENTING WONDER DRUG
MY BREAST-FEEDING JOURNEY (WELL, SOME OF IT)
EARLY EATING STYLES
FEEDING TODDLERS
THE MOST EVIL FOOD FOR KIDS
NEED EAT LIVE!
DINNER AT HOME
MAXIMUM CUTENESS (OR, TINY LITTLE MANIPULATORS)
SHARING THE MAGIC
THE COOKIE YEARS
KNOCK, KNOCK! FIRST-EVER JOKES
WHAT FORTUNATE MEANS
PERFECT AND LOVELY
I’LL BE THE MAMA
FIRST AIRPLANE TRIP
OUR CRAPPIEST TRIP
THE ROAD TRIP
WELL-CHILD DOCTOR VISITS
INDOOR PLAY GYMS
THE ENTIRE CRAPPY FAMILY GETS SICK
THE CHIMNEY SWEEP
BOYS VERSUS GIRLS
THE SHARING EXPERIMENT
JUMPING ON THE BED
THE REPRODUCTION OF TOYS
THE PEACOCKS AT THE BOTANICAL GARDENS
CUTE MISUNDERSTANDINGS
GETTING THE MAIL
CARLSBAD
FRIENDSHIP PILLOW
SWEARING
PENIS PIZZA
MY FAVORITE
SO MUCH POOPING
DIAPER TREASURE
ELEPHANT POOP
TODDLER DIAPER CHANGES
POOP IS SPECIAL
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“If you are a parent, or even just have or know a parent, you will love this book. It’s seriously impossible NOT to. I dare you to try.”
—Jill Smokler, New York Times bestselling author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy
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And going to the bathroom has changed, too. No, not the hemorrhoids that I got as a door prize for pushing a nine-pound baby out of my lady hole. The audience. When I do manage to shut the door, it is a very special experience. I read, like, three whole sentences in one sitting. Bliss. Raise your hand if you are in the bathroom right now sneaking a couple minutes of alone time. (It is kinda my dream that this actually coincidentally works for someone.)
But this whole before-and-after series would be pointless if I didn’t mention the most monumental change of all. Before kids, I knew this change was inevitable and thought I was prepared for it. But this change was a rude awakening. All night long. Repeatedly.
