Mirages
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Anais Nin. Mirages
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Advance praise for
Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1939 – 1947
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To rise beyond this emotional weakness, I worked well last week. Then Henry came and read what I had done, and his criticism was negative. He had nothing to say about the fragments themselves; all he could see was that they were not woven together. He said it was bad, monotonous and static. This stopped my writing completely. I showed it to Gonzalo, and he responded. But why should I depend on such responses? Why must I depend on others for everything, never on myself? I am back to where I was years ago, before analysis, to a devouring doubt, continuous hyper-sensitivity and fears. What can I do now? Before I was helped by Allendy and then by Rank. Now I have to heal myself alone. At least I realize it is all in my imagination. But the suffering is there, continuous, haunting, like an infection. No relief. A few hours of peace, and then the gnawing begins again.
Anaïs, stop devouring and fearing. You are a tortured being, you have been all your life. Come out of this darkness and live passionately again, forget yourself. Create. You isolate yourself with your love, and you suspect every nuance and every word and every gesture. It is bad. You must be courageous and ruthless and reckless. If you always need a new love because you only believe in the new, you will lose Gonzalo, whom you still love.
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