Growing Together

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Andrew Body. Growing Together

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together

who has taught me so much

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Let us assume for the moment that you don’t have any children. At this point in your relationship, you don’t want any. It takes two to have children, and ideally it takes two not to have them. Do you review your decisions about contraception from time to time? You probably need medical advice as well as discussing your personal preferences. Good decisions are ones made together, and not to please your partner. Sometimes when people are getting married after living together for some time, one partner assumes that this is also a signal that it is time to start a family. But that isn’t necessarily so, and this would be a good time to talk again about your medium- and long-term plans.

The decision to have or not to have children will have wider implications. What will be financially possible? What will it mean in terms of employment? Will one of you give up work to be a full-time carer for your family and, if so, which one of you will it be? A few couples manage to reduce hours for both of them and job-share looking after their family. For many it will be a question of someone else taking care of the child – relatives, a childminder or a workplace nursery. Whatever the decisions, there will be huge changes to the demands on your finances, and to the freedom you have to do as you please. It is probably the most radical change in your lifestyle that you ever have, and for many couples it is stressful as well as rewarding.

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