So How's the Family?

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Arlie Russell Hochschild. So How's the Family?

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So How’s the Family?

and Other Essays

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People get very confused. They want to know when a relationship is serious. A relationship isn’t real until you have committed to being boyfriend or girlfriend. Everything prior to that—phoning, emailing, dating, preliminary sex—all that isn’t real until you have each committed. I’ve had clients devastated to realize that they’ve fallen in love with someone who is still looking online.

All of Evan’s lessons about what, when, and how much to feel gave Grace a kind of user’s guide to Internet dating, setting out new rules of emotional engagement. With the shrinking of what the German philosopher Jurgen Habermas calls “the life world” and the rise of the “system world” (which includes the market, state, technology, and media), people like Grace find themselves situated at the crossroads where the two meet—even as those spheres are themselves in flux.3 Increasingly, people ask themselves, Should I prepare for a purely market transaction and emotionally detach? Or am I among friends, family, or community, in which case I should prepare myself to feel emotionally attached? What mix of market and personal should I prepare for, and what measure of attachment?

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