The Pavlova Omnibus

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Austin Mitchell. The Pavlova Omnibus

The Pavlova Omnibus. BY AUSTIN MITCHELL

Contents

The Half-Gallon Quarter-Acre Pavlova Paradise. BY AUSTIN MITCHELL

Contents

WELCOME

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: A Cast of Three Million

STUPENDOUS, FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFUL NEW ZEALAND

EDUCATION: The Making of the Resident

THE KIWI SCIENCE OF POLITICS

SEX or the New Zealand Woman’s Weekly

SEVEN DAYS SHALT THOU LABOUR: The Games Kiwis Play

THE KIWI SNIGGERS: A Brief Guide to New Zealand Humour

THE MEDIUM is the TEDIUM

THE KULTURE of the KIWI BIRD

Chapter I

Chap II

Chap III

Chapters IV-X—Condensed version

Chapter XI

OVERSEASIA

PROCESSED POM

Pavlova Paradise Revisited. BY AUSTIN MITCHELL

Contents

Preface

Welcome to God’s Own Country

A Pavlova Pilgrimage

Kiwis Come From Lilliput

Dunedin

Southland

Central Otago

Christchurch: A Godley Land

Absolutely, Positively, Wellington Dunnit

Wellington: Women Rule – OK?

Maori

Auckland

Ringing The Changes

Back to the Future

Global Kiwis

About the Author

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Title Page

The Half-Gallon Quarter-Acre Pavlova Paradise

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Finally there are the provincial separatist movements. They should by rights be strongest in Nelson which has been completely cut off from the rest of the South Island for twenty years without anyone noticing. However, the National Government clearly existed only to persecute Nelson by abolishing cotton mills, stopping railway building (Nelson has a notional railway—something often described in other parts of the country as a road) and other tortures. As a result all separatist passion in the province is channelled into the Labour Party. Otago is different. The Home Rule for Otago Movement would be very powerful, were it not for the fact that the Otago Daily Times (All the News that Fits, We Print) dare not back such a movement for fear of producing a Labour Provincial Council, with Mrs McMillan as first president and closing the ODT as first policy.

This brings us to Social Credit, which campaigns to bring the pleasure of overdrafts to people without bank accounts. This theory of the continuous creation of credit was invented by an English engineer, Major Douglas. He omitted to patent his invention and though the Japanese didn’t take it up, New Zealand did. The Social Credit Political League, present medium for the message, periodically splits, believing in the continuous creation of parties. It blends zeal for the crusade with a feeling of persecution, desire to illuminate mankind with a sense of alienation from it. In 1954 the league approached politics with all the charm and friendliness of Elliot Ness meeting the Mafia. Now it has compromised; the A:B theorem no longer plays on the Social Credit hit parade. About the only present use for the old economic doctrines is to provide the justification for lavish political promises. At election times Labour and National both go for the laxative image, promising to get New Zealand moving again (Labour, 1966) or to keep New Zealand on the move (National, 1969). Social Credit projects a positive deluge of benefits. It’s also an ideal party for New Zealand, for overseas debt has made it a country run on hire purchase, a never-never land.

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