An Alligator in the Bathroom…And Other Stories
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Carter Langdale. An Alligator in the Bathroom…And Other Stories
CONTENTS
LORD OF THE FLEAS
WHEN I WERE A LAD
THE ELECTROPHANATOR AND ME
AN INSPECTOR BOILS
SEE YOU LATER, ALLIGATOR
HAPPY CHRISTMAS, YOUR LORDSHIP
PERCY THE ELUSIVE PORPOISE
THE SECRET LIFE OF SERGEANT WAINWRIGHT
THE WAR NOBODY WINS
HOW TO MAKE A FIREMAN LAUGH
MY LIFE WITH BADGERS
HOLIDAYS OF A LIFETIME
RESCUING THE RESCUER
WHERE FERRETS FEAR TO TREAD
GOING OVER THE EDGE
ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL
MY ZOO AND OTHER ANIMALS
HOW TO DROWN A SWAN
MAKING A (VERY) BAD IMPRESSION
A PRIMATE THAT PREFERRED CORNFLAKES TO PORRIDGE
A CALL NOT MEANT FOR ME
COPYRIGHT
Отрывок из книги
For two very special people in my life, Kerry and Tez.
You cannot tell the he from she.
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I must have been like a walking oasis when I went into Alf’s house, a mobile flea banquet for the starving, and there were so many I could hardly see a patch of myself. I did what I think most people would have done in such a circumstance. I panicked.
In trying to slap both my arms with both my hands at once, my attention strayed from the road. When it strayed back again I saw the rear window and boot of a gold Rolls-Royce about six feet away. I braked of course but it was no good. I clattered right into the back of him. I thought, ‘You must not release ten thousand fleas into the environment. Don’t get out.’ I also thought ‘Oh bugger,’ as I reversed ten yards and heard the sound of metal parting from metal.
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