An Alligator in the Bathroom…And Other Stories

An Alligator in the Bathroom…And Other Stories
Автор книги: id книги: 1650318     Оценка: 0.0     Голосов: 0     Отзывы, комментарии: 0 1215,33 руб.     (13,24$) Читать книгу Купить и скачать книгу Купить бумажную книгу Электронная книга Жанр: Биографии и Мемуары Правообладатель и/или издательство: Ingram Дата добавления в каталог КнигаЛит: ISBN: 9781786063458 Скачать фрагмент в формате   fb2   fb2.zip Возрастное ограничение: 0+ Оглавление Отрывок из книги

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THE HUMAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TOP ANIMAL. BUT EVERY ONE OF THESE TRUE STORIES SHOWS HOW NONSENSICAL THAT IDEA CAN BE.<br>Back in the day, Carter Langdale’s job could be summed up easily: solve every problem that has anything whatever to do with animals. He had an official RSPCA brass plaque outside his Yorkshire home. He was a local figure, like the doctor or dentist, the village postmistress, the vicar, the vet or the undertaker, and sometimes he had to be bits of all of those.<br>Off duty? No such thing. People would knock on the door and present the Langdales with a litter of kittens, an injured owl, any kind of stray – foxes, badgers, young otters, hedgehogs. Some folk were genuinely concerned, some over concerned; some saw a convenient way to rid themselves of an inconvenient animal.<br>Carter never knew what might happen next. It could be a cow stuck in a ravine, a dog down a badger sett, a goose in a pub car park or a tortoise trying to cross the road. It might be an accusation of cruelty or, perhaps worse, a rumour of cruelty. It could be a cat up a tree, a runaway anaconda, an escaped budgerigar, or someone who kept five goats and a horse in the dining room.<br>There were wildlife criminals, too: badger diggers, bird’s eggers, bird trappers, bird-of-prey poisoners. There were wildlife UFO spotters convinced they had seen the Phantom Black Panther of Cleckuddersfax, and there was everything in between, from a monkey to a porpoise and back again.<br>Some stories will make you laugh, and some will make you weep. But they are all told with great humour and sympathy. For any animal lover, this book is a feast.

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Carter Langdale. An Alligator in the Bathroom…And Other Stories

CONTENTS

LORD OF THE FLEAS

WHEN I WERE A LAD

THE ELECTROPHANATOR AND ME

AN INSPECTOR BOILS

SEE YOU LATER, ALLIGATOR

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, YOUR LORDSHIP

PERCY THE ELUSIVE PORPOISE

THE SECRET LIFE OF SERGEANT WAINWRIGHT

THE WAR NOBODY WINS

HOW TO MAKE A FIREMAN LAUGH

MY LIFE WITH BADGERS

HOLIDAYS OF A LIFETIME

RESCUING THE RESCUER

WHERE FERRETS FEAR TO TREAD

GOING OVER THE EDGE

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

MY ZOO AND OTHER ANIMALS

HOW TO DROWN A SWAN

MAKING A (VERY) BAD IMPRESSION

A PRIMATE THAT PREFERRED CORNFLAKES TO PORRIDGE

A CALL NOT MEANT FOR ME

COPYRIGHT

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For two very special people in my life, Kerry and Tez.

You cannot tell the he from she.

.....

I must have been like a walking oasis when I went into Alf’s house, a mobile flea banquet for the starving, and there were so many I could hardly see a patch of myself. I did what I think most people would have done in such a circumstance. I panicked.

In trying to slap both my arms with both my hands at once, my attention strayed from the road. When it strayed back again I saw the rear window and boot of a gold Rolls-Royce about six feet away. I braked of course but it was no good. I clattered right into the back of him. I thought, ‘You must not release ten thousand fleas into the environment. Don’t get out.’ I also thought ‘Oh bugger,’ as I reversed ten yards and heard the sound of metal parting from metal.

.....

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