The Dastardly Book for Dogs
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Оглавление
Chris Pauls. The Dastardly Book for Dogs
I Didn’t Have This Book When I Was a Puppy
Things You Can Chase
RULES
Frisbee
Balls
Sticks
Your tail
Cars
Treats
Begging: A Primer
CORRECT FORM. Posture
Eyes
Ears
BE WATCHFUL
BE PATIENT, BE PERSISTENT
STICK WITH PROVEN TECHNIQUE
TRY SOMETHING NEW
Playing the dog’s home puppy
Feigning injury
Reverse psychology
The Roots of Barks
Swimming
Courageous Dogs in History – Part One
TOGO AND BALTO: Sled Dog Heroes
PEG LEG PETEY, THE PIRATE DOG: The Three-Legged Scourge of the High Seas; The Most Terrible Terrier
A Connoisseur’s Guide to Shoes
Cats
Building a Kennel
How to Escape Humiliating Costumes
REINDEER
ELF
Important Note on Accoutrements
ZORRO
HIPPIE
Epic Walks – Part One The Land Bridge
Interpreting Commands
Poo: An Indelicate Discussion
WHAT IS IT?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE TO DO IT? WHAT IF I CAN’T WAIT?
WHY DO HUMANS PICK UP OUR POO IF THEY DISLIKE IT SO MUCH?
WHERE SHOULD WE POO?
CAN WE EAT ANOTHER DOG’S POO?
Escaping Fenced-in Areas
GOING OVER
GOING UNDER
Great Dog Battles – Part One
BUSTER SANDERSON V. THE POSTMAN
Questions about the World
How to Pick a Pill out of Peanut Butter
METHOD
Foul Smells Every Dog Should Roll in
Literature
Constellations
Courageous Dogs in History – Part Two. BELLE THE BEAGLE: Real-life Lifesaver
LOU – a bloody good dog
How to Choose and Bury a Bone
NATURAL
SYNTHETIC
BURYING YOUR BONE
THE CITY DOG ALTERNATIVE
Squirrels
COMMON SPECIES
What to Do During a Thunderstorm
Epic Walks – Part Two The Argo
ARGO, I
Riding in a Car
GOING!
The Park
Errands
Holiday
RULES OF THE ROAD
Traffic Lights
Stop Sign
HOW TO CONDUCT YOURSELF IN A CAR
Dog Jobs
ASSISTANCE DOGS
GUARD DOGS
SCRAPYARD DOGS
HERDERS
FIRESTATION DOGS
DRUG AND BOMB SNIFFING DOGS
SEARCH-AND-RESCUE DOGS
SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE UNITED NATIONS
What’s Edible?
VOMIT/POO
BUBBLEGUM
PILLOWS
KEYS
MOBILE PHONES
BELTS
ROCKS
IMPORTANT PAPERS
Territory – What It Is, Why It’s Yours and Why You Must Defend It at All Costs
The Origin of Parks
HERE’S HOW IT HAPPENED
Sounds They Can’t Hear
Five Things Every Dog Should Have
The Formal Rules of Fetch
THE RULES. Players
Regulation Stick
Playing Field
Season
Boundaries
Scoring
Penalties
Fouls
Duration
Great Dog Battles – Part Two. PEPPER V. A PATCH OF LIGHT
Bitches
ADVICE ABOUT BITCHES
How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot
Poo Twice
THE TANGLE
AGGRESSIVE CROTCH SNIFFING
FAVOURING ANOTHER HUMAN
A Note on Leg Humping and ‘Showing Lipstick’
Living with the Creatures That Live on You
Bath Time
Pavlov
Making Toys out of Household Items
CHEWY TOYS
Socks
Chairs
Action Figures
TUG TOYS
Machine Tails
Shower Curtains
Drawers
CHASE TOYS
Candles
Apples
HIDEY TOYS
Rugs
Sheets/Blankets
Finding Your Place in the Pack
Chase Dreams
Landmark Canine Performances in Cinema
Epic Walks – Part Three: Chelmsford
BEEZER
Building a Bed out of Your Owner’s Laundry
PROCURING YOUR BUILDING MATERIALS
BUILDING YOUR BED
A Brief History of Dogs in Man Wars
Tracking
Courageous Dogs in History – Part Three The Right Stuff
BELKA AND STRELKA: Pioneering Cosmo-Mutts
FARLEY: ‘One Small Step for Dogs – One Giant Leap for Dogkind’
How to Ruin the Perfect Dinner Party
Creative Pee Stains
BEGINNER LEVEL STAINING: The Butterfly
INTERMEDIATE LEVEL STAINING: The Christmas Tree
ADVANCE LEVEL STAINING: The Pollock
The Lost Art of the Pheasant Hunt
1. Equipment
2. Preparations
3. The Hunt
Training a New Human
1. ASSERT YOURSELF
2. MAKE YOUR NEEDS CLEAR
3. PATIENCE
4. SPEND TIME WITH THEM
5. REPETITION
6. BARK, BUT DON’T BITE
7. REWARD THEM
Performing
Park Legends
The Greatest Scratching Position in the World
Dog Tags
Отрывок из книги
Dedication
For Marley
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The Origin of Parks
Sounds They Can’t Hear
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