Coming Apart
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Оглавление
Daphne Rose Kingma. Coming Apart
Contents
Foreword
A Note to My Readers
Introduction to the Revised Edition
1. A Hand to Hold
2. Why Is Breaking Up So Hard to Do?
Existential Fears
Obsolete Mythologies of Love
Love Is Forever
Love Is All-Inclusive
3. Exploding the Love Myths: Why Are We Really in Relationships?
Developmental Tasks
Deficits from Childhood
Discovering Our Personal Stories
4. Charting the Life-Span of Love: Seven Relationships and Why They Ended
Priscilla and Dean: The Norman Rockwell Painting
George and Barbara: The Emotional Emergency Room
Ted and Laura: The Long Apprenticeship
Bill and Rosie: Nobody Else Would Want Me
Tom and Margaret: The Second Adolescence
Sharon and Harold: The Professional Corporation
Liz and Mike: Nothing but Sex
5. The Emotional Process of Parting
I Can't Believe This Is Happening to Me
You Can't Do This to Me
I'll Do Anything, Just Say It Isn't So
I'll Never Stop Crying
Facing It: This Relationship Is Over
It's All My Fault
It's All Your Fault
Just Because You Asked for It Doesn't Mean You Want It
Just Because You Didn't Ask for It Doesn't Mean You Don't Want It
I'm Not Myself Anymore
Repossession of the Self
Something Snapped
The Little Door to My Heart Is Closed
6. The Unconscious Process of Parting
Sympathetic Phenomena
7. Binding the Wounds: How to Get Through the Ending
Habits
Old Friends
New Friends
Do Something Different
Psychotherapy
Time
Be Kind to Yourself
8. The Postscript Relationship: An Antidote to Love
9. Finding Resolution: A Personal Workbook
Exercise 1: Telling the Love Story
Exercise 2: Telling the Real Story
Exercise 3: Facing the Ending
A. Something Snapped
B. The Sour Grapes Inventory
C. The Poison Pen Letter
D. Feelings of Failure
E. The Letter of Confession
F. Letter of Forgiveness
Exercise 4: Taking the Gifts
Exercise 5: Redefining Reality
A. The Redefinition Ritual
B. Defining the New Frontier
10. Is There Love after Love?
11. A Ritual for Parting
The Questions
A DIAGNOSTIC CODA. When Love No Longer Works—Signs and Symptoms of Ending
Fights
Irreconcilable Differences
Boredom
Emotional Distance
Changes in Venue
Affairs
Counseling or Therapy
About the Author
To Our Readers
Отрывок из книги
Praise for Daphne Rose Kingma
Praise for When You Think You're Not Enough
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Since no one set of parents can teach us everything, when we arrive at adulthood, we may well have never attained great portions of what we need in order to be ourselves. It's as if we've arrived at the doorstep of adulthood with our little overnight satchels only to find our bags have rips and holes in the bottoms, and we're not very well prepared to live at the grand hotel of adulthood. Our loving relationships are where we patch, mend, and repair the overnight bags of our childhood, so we can live in dignity and comfort in adulthood.
Let's turn now to the other love story, Neil and Marie. Theirs is an example of a relationship that gives the gift of identity, and it shows how each partner can learn when valuable snippets of information from childhood turn up.
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