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David Glick. 50 Ways to F**k the Planet
50 Ways to F**k the Planet. Mark Townsend & David Glick
50 Ways to F**k the Planet
Table of Contents
Introduction
1 To bee or not to bee
AGENDA
What a sting
Oh Mighty One
Fight or flight
A sticky situation
Oh Be-hive!
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
2 A hard halibut to break
AGENDA
Breeding frenzy
Born to be wild
Let’s go fishing
See ya, Salmon
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
3 Space invaders
AGENDA
Knotted up
Rooted in the land
Back to the roots
Sow the seed
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
4 Chemical reaction
AGENDA
The bitterest pill
U-bender
Chemical cocktail
Let’s hear it for the clam
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
5 Tusk, tusk
AGENDA
Tooth or dare
Safari, so good
Bull’s-eye
Ivory coast
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
6 The krilling fields
AGENDA
Between a Rokke and a hard place
Rokke the boat
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
7 Seed the world
AGENDA
Vaulting ambition
Raid on
Laughing all the way
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
8 Blow me
AGENDA
Fly me to the moon
Thar she blows
You’ve been framed
Kill the fatted calf
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
9 Erode to hell
AGENDA
Bear-faced truths
I’m on top of the world, Ma
Having Nunavut
Bearly there
You know the drill
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
10 Seal you later
AGENDA
For cod’s sake
Join the club
Pest control
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
11 A whale tragedy
AGENDA
Boom boom, the mighty fall
Sonar so far
Noise annoys
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
12 Water shame
AGENDA
Ballot-aid
Not so grey days
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
13 One helluva fungi
AGENDA
Put the fun in fungicide
Sully the soil
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
14 Going ape
AGENDA
Gorilla warfare
In good company
Single-handed slaughter
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
15 Spruced up
AGENDA
The fun of the fire
Tim-ber!
Fly in the face of fighting fire
Like a moth to a flame
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
16 Con with the wind
AGENDA
A complete wind-up
It’s an ill wind…
So long, solar
A following wind
Tilting at windmills
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
17 Bottom trawling
AGENDA
Trawling for trouble
Net gain
Sea change
Groovy, baby
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
18 Palm feeder
AGENDA
For peat’s sake
Fan the flames
In the palm of your hand
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
19 Eau naturel
AGENDA
A strong current
Thirst for destruction
Marketing mania
Bottle it
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
20 Not soya good
AGENDA
Maggi, Maggi, Maggi
Tout, tout, tout
Breathe your last
What a wheeze
Bank on Maggi
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
21 Sea of change
AGENDA
Waste not, want not
Urea – eureka!
Let me bend urea
In your own backyard
Welcome to the dead zone
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
22 Arrested development
AGENDA
Paved paradise
Greenfield front line
Home comforts
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
23 Green light
AGENDA
And then there was light
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
24 Radiating fury
AGENDA
Exterminate, exterminate
Assassinate, assassinate
If a job needs doing…
Let’s go nuclear
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
25 Climate of fear
AGENDA
Nile: be seeing you
Conjure profit from a dry spell
Wat-er waste!
Irritation over irrigation
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
26 Germ warfare
AGENDA
Put your foot in it
Infiltrate
Disseminate
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
27 Not so slick
AGENDA
Slick bitch
Pliable liability
Culpability, Brown?
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
28 Grin and beer it
AGENDA
INVITATION
Feteful event
Menu for disaster
Can-do spirit
Get wrecked recklessly
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE ?
29 When Porsche comes to shove
AGENDA
Contest the congestion charge
Wedded to Wiedeking
Out with the old
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
30 Greenwash
AGENDA
Paint it green
Oil the wheels
Don’t call a spade a spade
It’s a whitewash
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
31 The final frontier
AGENDA
10, 9, 8…
…7, 6, 5…
…4, 3, 2…
Lift-off!
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
32 Appetite for destruction
AGENDA
Girth of nations
Burger me
Meat and greet
Stuff your facebook
Absolutely burgered
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
33 Flying low
AGENDA
The sky’s the limit
Go figure
Friends in high places
Mission: emissions
Spread your wings
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
34 Nuclear wasters
AGENDA
Trains, planes and automobiles
New Labour goes nuclear
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
35 Going bananas
AGENDA
Well handled
Take the wrap
What a carry on
It’s a wrap
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
36 Great wail of China
AGENDA
Growth, glorious growth
Coal goes gold
Brits abroad
What goes around…
Everything’s gone green
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
37 The sex factor
AGENDA
Sex it up
Failing to plan is planning to fail
Rubber banned
Promise of promiscuity
Perfidious proliferation
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
38 Pulp friction
AGENDA
Paper trail
This is hardcore
Take one hatchet…
Tasmanian devil
‘Ancient forest friendly’: egregious epithet
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
39 The butt stops here
AGENDA
Light up, breathe in, toss out
The smell of tobacco in the morning
Go on. You know you want to
A barmy evening
Just fine
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
40 Warm front
AGENDA
Bedfellows
Go tell it on the mountain
Weather the storm
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
41 Emission impossible
AGENDA
Would you credit it?
Carbon come-on
Come off it!
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
42 Oh my green god
AGENDA
Knocking on heaven’s door
The strait gate gets broader
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
43 Cold comfort
AGENDA
Head in the clouds
It’s all done with mirrors
Cloudbusting
Sulphur the little children
Frankenstein foliage
On reflection…
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
44 Food fright
AGENDA
Back to the soil
Supermarket swizz
Your true colours
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
45 Green gas
AGENDA
Factor in the feel-good
Gorilla tactics
Fabricated figurehead
Fallen idol
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
46 Material world
AGENDA
Cotton on
Fashion chain
Brand bash
Stylin’
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
47 Eco worriers
AGENDA
ELF ‘azard
Run to earth
ELF campaign
Anything you can do…
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
48 Brothers in arms
AGENDA
Push for Persian war
HAARP on it
Fuel for thought
Hound the Afghan lands
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
49 Rock squalid
AGENDA
Fuller sh*te
Band goes big-time
Eat the world
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
50 Blaze of glory
AGENDA
Burning up
Live for ever
WHAT’S THE DAMAGE?
Resources
Index
50 Ways to F**k the Planet
Acknowledgements
Copyright
About the Publisher
