Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent
Описание книги
At last! A comprehensive, handy guide for the misery-guts in your life.Are you an irritable, crabby, cantankerous, malcontented old grump? Well relax, because you're not alone. Grumpy Old Men is an annotated, cross-referenced and fully illustrated manual for malcontents everywhere: the comprehensive Gripes of Wrath.A compilation of gripes and grumbles, illustrated with blood-boiling images such as derailed trains and traffic wardens throughout.The next time you find yourself enraged by pointless speed bumps, overcrowded trains, ill-mannered drivers, irritating adverts, inefficient customer help-lines, overbooked airlines, inconsiderate cyclists, slow-moving caravans, extortionate bank charges, persistent charity collectors, mindless hotel muzak, unfunny clowns or just plain miserable British weather, let this book take the strain.The ultimate in stress-relief for the 21st-Century Grouch.
Оглавление
David Quantick. Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent
GRUMPY OLD MEN
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
ENTERTAINMENT
CINEMAS
MOVIE TRAILERS
HAIR ADS
PERFUME ADS
LOAN ADS
BOOZE ADS
‘IRISH’ PUBS
THE THEATRE
DVDS
PLAYS
ROCK MUSICALS
THEME PUBS
ANIMALS
CATS
SQUIRRELS
WASPS
CITY PIGEONS
HOTELS
HOTEL ROOMS
HOTEL BATHROOMS
HOTEL TOWELS
HOTEL TV
HOTEL KEYS
MUZAK
TIPPING
THE ROADS
SPEED BUMPS
SPEED CAMERAS
PARKING METERS
CLAMPING
MINICABS
BLACK CABS
TRENDY SCOOTERS
URBAN CYCLISTS
MOUNTAIN BIKES
PENNY-FARTHING
FOOD
BURGER BARS
CELEBRITY CHEFS
TAKE-AWAY PIZZA PARLOURS
HOT-DOG VENDORS
BAD RESTAURANTS
SUPERMARKETS
SUPERMARKET TROLLEYS
THE FRENCH
PARISIANS
FRENCH MUSIC
FRENCH HOTELS
FRENCH DESIGN
FRENCH TOILETS
LEISURE
CARAVANS
THE BRITISH SEASIDE
AIRPORTS
AIRPORT BOOK STORES
LUGGAGEY SHOPS
AIRPORT ‘PUBS’ AND ‘RESTAURANTS’
MODERN LIFE
SPORTS CASUAL
CALL CENTRES
BANKS
CASHPOINTS
MEETINGS
THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
IKEA
SCHOOL REUNIONS
SQUEEGEE BASTARDS
LANGUAGE PEDANTS
SPLIT INFINITIVES
BUSINESS WORDS
TRAINS
THE RAILWAYS
TRAIN CARRIAGES
TRAIN STAFF
RESERVED SEATS ON TRAINS
FIRST CLASS
TRAIN FOOD
BUFFET TROLLEYS
VIRGIN TRAINS
OCCUPATIONS
ESTATE AGENTS
ESTATE-AGENTESE
HAIRDRESSERS
BUILDERS
DENTISTS
ASTROLOGERS
TRAFFIC WARDENS
TRAFFIC POLICE
ROYALTY
‘CHUGGERS’ – THE CHARITY MUGGERS
FOURTH RATE ‘SPORTING FIGURES’
‘D’ LIST CELEBRITIES
MAGICIANS
CLOWNS (1)
JUGGLERS
MIME ARTISTS
PIZZA-DELIVERY ‘BOYS’
WANTEDPEOPLE WITH BAD SKIN TO DELIVER FOOD THAT RESEMBLES BAD SKIN
CLOWNS (2)
BUSKERS
THE BUSKER’S CODE
THE YOUNG
BABIES
SCHOOLCHILDREN
TEENAGERS
STUDENTS
PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
CHRISTMAS
VALENTINE’S DAY
BONFIRE NIGHT
GREETINGS CARDS
PEOPLE WHO…
… USE A TRAIN CARRIAGE LIKE IT’S THEIR OFFICE
… THROW THINGS OUT OF THE CAR WINDOW
… HAVEN’T BOUGHT A WEEKEND SAVER
… PREFER ANIMALS TO HUMAN BEINGS
… HAVE TOO MUCH LUGGAGE
… ARE OBSSESSED WITH THEIR COUNTRY
… FIND ACCIDENTS FASCINATING
… THINK THEY HAVE ‘STREET CRED’ (1)
… THINK THEY HAVE ‘STREET CRED’ (2)
… PUT PICTURES OF THEIR FAMILY ON THEIR CHRISTMAS CARDS
… PARK IN DISABLED SPACES WHEN NOT ENTITLED
… COLLECT TOYS
… LITTER
… PLAY POKER
… LET THEIR CHILDREN RECORD MESSAGES ON THEIR ANSWERING MACHINE
… SEND ‘ROUND ROBIN’ LETTERS
… DRIVE WITH ‘P’ PLATES
… OWN PERSONALISED NUMBER PLATES
… HAVE TATTOOS
… HAVE GOATEE BEARDS
… GROW DESIGNER STUBBLE
… WEAR BOW TIES
… WEAR TOPS THAT SHOW THEIR STOMACHS
… WEAR ‘PORN STAR’ T-SHIRTS
… TIE THEIR HAIR IN A PONY TAIL
… KEEP TALKING
… DON’T LISTEN
… DRINK ON THE PAVEMENT
… SKATE ON THE PAVEMENT
… HAVE NO MANNERS
PICTURE ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
COPYRIGHT
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