Doesticks: What He Says

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Doesticks Q. K. Philander. Doesticks: What He Says

I. How Doesticks came to think of it

II. Doesticks satisfies Philander

III. Niagara

IV. Doesticks on a Bender

V. Seeking a Fortune – Rail Road Felicities

VI. Seeing the Lions – Barnum's Museum

VII. Model Boarding Houses

VIII. The Potency of Croton Water, or an aqueous quality hitherto unknown

IX. Modern Witchcraft

X. City Target Excursion

XI. A new Patent Medicine Operation

XII. Running with the "Masheen."

XIII. Street Preaching – A Zealous Trio, and a Religious Controversy

XIV. Disappointed Love

XV. Modern Patent Piety – Church-Going in the City

XVI. Benevolence Run Mad – Charitable Cheating

XVII. Millerite Jubilee – How they didn't go up

XVIII. The Great "American Tragedian."

XIX "Side Shows" of the City

XX. New Year's Day in New York

XXI. Amusement for the Million – A 2.40 Sleigh-ride

XXII. Cupid in Cold Weather. – Valentine's Day

XXIII. The Kentucky Tavern

XXIV. The River Darkies

XXV. The Thespian Wigwam

XXVI. Theatricals Again – A Night at the Bowery

XXVII. Mysterious Secrets of the K. N.'s – A Midnight Initiation. – Philander Fooled

XXVIII. A Diabolical Conspiracy – A Shanghae Infernal Machine

XXIX. An Evening with the Spiritualists – Rampant Ghostology

XXX. Special Express from Dog Paradise – A Canine Ghost

XXXI 'Lection Day. – "Paddy" versus "Sam."

XXXII. Police Adventures. – Mayor Wood around

XXXIII. Damphool Defunct – Place of his Exile – Description thereof – and Exit

XXXIV. Keeping the Maine Law

XXXV. Theatricals once more. – Shakspeare darkeyized. – Macbeth in high colors

XXXVI. Young America in Long Dresses – Great Excitement in Babydom

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It is not pretended that this volume is a work of inspiration, or that any portion of it has been revealed by accommodating "Spirits" through the "Medium" of those crack-brained masculine women, or addle-headed feminine men who profess to act as go-betweens from Earth to the Spirit World.

No part of it has been "rapped" out by uneasy tables, or thumped out by dancing chairs; Doctor Franklin didn't dictate it; Lord Byron didn't write it; Napoleon wasn't consulted about it; Cardinal Richelieu didn't have a finger in it; George the Third hadn't anything to do with it; Shakspeare didn't suggest anything in it; and Benedict Arnold didn't know anything about it.

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I shall not throw my influence in the scale of Protestantism lest the Catholics should take offence, nor yet shall strive to build up Catholicism, lest thereby the dislike of the Orthodoxy be incurred. Nor shall I show myself a partisan of religion of any kind, for the Atheist says it is all a farce. Neither shall I endeavor to inculcate principles of infidelity, for there is still an occasional prejudice in favor of Christianity.

It will be "a work which no gentleman's library should be without." It is considered necessary to the safety of the Union, that its democratic principles be thoroughly disseminated, and it is indispensable to the stability of the English throne that its monarchical doctrines be thoroughly comprehended. Every man, woman, child, canal driver, billiard marker, faro dealer, and member of Congress will be provided with a copy, thereby preserving the Union, destroying our liberties, and keeping unsullied the honor and dignity of "our flag."

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