Family Ties That Bind

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Dr Ronald W. Richardson. Family Ties That Bind

FAMILY TIES THAT BIND. A self-help guide to change through Family of Origin therapy

1. Introduction

2. Families Are Strange Creatures

1. The Hip Bone’s Connected To The Thigh Bone — How Families Work

2. Eat Your Spinach — Rules In The Family

3. You Never Talk To Me — Closeness And Distance Among Family Members

1. Come Closer — Not Too Close

2. Appearances Are Deceiving

3. All The World Wants A Mommy

4. You’re Not Better, Just Different — Dealing With Differences

1. I Say Tomato, You Say Tomahto — Anxiety About Differences

2. Do It My Way Or Else — The Demand For Sameness

2.1 “I only want what you want, dear” — The compliant ones

2.2 “I did it my way” — The rebels

2.3 “I’m the king of the mountain” — The attackers

2.4 “Bye-bye” — The cutoff

5. How To Be True To Yourself And Still Have Friends

1. Free To Be Me — Being Yourself And Knowing Who That Is

1.1 Being goal-directed

1.2 Distinguishing between thinking and feeling

2. Stuck In The Mess — Fusion

3. You Made Me Do It — Being Responsible For Yourself

4. Let Mother Take Care Of It — Under Functioning And Over-Functioning

4.1 Negative consequences

4.2 Positive consequences

5. Conclusion

6. Triangles In Relationships

1. Three’s A Crowd — What Is A Triangle Anyway?

2. How Triangles Operate

3. You And Me Against Her — The Meaning Of Coalitions In Triangles

4. The World Is A Stage — Roles In The Triangle

7. Who’s On First? — Birth Order And Gender Position In The Family Of Origin

1. The Oldest Child

1.1 Oldest sister of sisters

1.2 Oldest sister of brothers

1.3 Oldest brother of brothers

1.4 Oldest brother of sisters

2. The Youngest Child

2.1 Youngest sister of sisters

2.2 Youngest sister of brothers

2.3 Youngest brother of brothers

2.4 Youngest brother of sisters

3. The Middle Child

4. The Only Child

4.1 Male only child

4.2 Female only child

5. Twins

8. Doing The Work

Step 1 — The Begats: Who Is In Your Family?

Step 2 — Hello, Mom. Remember Me?: Contacting Family Members

Step 3 — Developing A History

Step 4 — Dr. Livingston, I Presume?: Researching

Step 5 — You Can Go Home Again: Making Family Visits

Step 6 — this is me, like it or not: differentiating

Step 7 — Redoing It

9. The Author’s Own Family Of Origin Work

1. My Own Family Circumstances

1.1 My family diagram

2. Starting The Work

3. The Work Progresses

4. Dealing With Triangles

5. Differentiation Of Self

6. Conclusion

Appendix I — Family Research

Appendix II — Finding Professional Help For Doing Family Of Origin Work

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Notice to Readers

Self-Counsel Press thanks you for purchasing this ebook

Contents

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The more intensively the family has stamped its character upon the child, the more [the child] will tend to feel and see its earlier miniature world again in the bigger world of adult life.

— Carl Gustav Jung

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At the dinner table when Sue arrived home, her sister asked her about her work and the conversation turned to teenagers and drugs. Mom tried unsuccessfully to change the topic. Sue shared her sister’s beliefs about why teens got into trouble. She thought they were victims of uncaring, authoritarian parents, a sick school system, and a corrupt society.

After trying to control his reactions, Dad was unable to keep quiet any longer. “Damn it, you haven’t changed a bit! You’re still spouting your hippy-dippy, commie junk. You and your worthless husband are wasting away your lives, living off society. Aren’t you ever going to grow up?”

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