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Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer. Sex For Dummies
Sex For Dummies® To view this book's Cheat Sheet, simply go to www.dummies.com and search for “Sex For Dummies Cheat Sheet” in the Search box. Table of Contents
List of Illustrations
Guide
Pages
Introduction
About This Book
Foolish Assumptions
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go From Here
Getting Ready for Sex
So You Want to Know More about Sex
What Is Sex, Anyway?
So Why Do We Have It?
Making babies: A natural outcome
The facts: Sperm and egg together
TIMING THE UNION
INTRODUCING THE EGG AND SPERM
GOING FOR A RIDE
MAKING BABIES MAKES GOOD SEX, TOO
BECOMING A BABY
HOW CAN YOU TELL THAT YOU’RE PREGNANT?
Enjoying a sensory experience
Understanding the Ins and Outs of the Sexual Response Cycle
Partnering Up
For love and the long haul
For lust and the fun of it all
Flying solo
Playing It Safe
Adjusting Over Time
Are You Ready to Get Busy?
Tuning the Male Organ
The Penis: Inside and Out
The three sponges (No cleaning involved)
At the head of the class: The glans
The foreskin: A real cover-up
Circumcision and sexual performance
Size and sexual performance
MEASURING UP
Getting erection direction
Grasping the Basics of Your Testicles
Making the descent
Manufacturing hormones
Producing sperm
From humble beginnings
Meiosis: Small division
Vas deferens
Too few sperm (male infertility)
Why boys wear cups
At risk for testicular cancer
Check for lumps
Testicular pain
The Prostate Gland
Checking the prostate
Treating the prostate
Demystifying the Female Parts
Making Time for a Grand Tour
Translating All Those Latin Terms
Viva the vulva
SIZE MIGHT MATTER
The hymen: Symbol of virginity
The vagina: The main thoroughfare
Supporting the structure
Lubricating the vagina
Changes through your life
At your cervix
The uterus: It stretches, and stretches, and stretches
The ovaries and fallopian tubes
The “Men” Words: Menstruation and Menopause
Menstruation — “Your monthly visitor”
The advantages of having your period
PMS
Sex and the menses
Menopause — “The change of life”
Easing into menopause
Hormone replacement therapy
Breasts: Hanging in There
Feeding babies
Getting sexual pleasure
Checking for breast cancer
Be proud of your breasts
Dating
Does Anybody Still Date?
Where Chemistry and Physics Mingle
Giving Romance a Chance to Bloom
Overcoming Loneliness and Getting Yourself in Dating Shape
Stop using your smartphone as a crutch
Practicing the art of conversation
A Road Map for the Dating Apps
Slowing down and being intentional
Being aware of the dangers — physical and emotional
Picture perfect
The Thrill of the Chase, the Bummer of Rejection
Dealing with ghosting, benching, and other bad stuff
The oldies but goodies — Putting yourself out there
Finding the Right Partner: Difficult, Yes; Impossible, No
Common mindsets and habits of unsuccessful dating
The dreamers
The doormats
The time-wasters
The love-at-first-sight syndrome
Believing in yourself and taking charge
If You're North of the 29th Parallel
Beware of age shock
Don’t lie about your age (or anything else)
Think positive
Practical Dating Tips for All Ages
Dating well while spending less
Adding creativity
Should You Have Sex On a First Date?
Introducing Sex into a Relationship
MY TAKE ON “NO MEANS NO”
Determining When the Time Is Right
IS HOLDING HANDS SEX?
When you’re in love
When you like each other — but you’re not sure it’s love
Other considerations
THERE’S STILL A DOUBLE STANDARD WHEN IT COMES TO SEX
Safety First
Condoms and contraception
Having a talk about sexual history and disease
Advice for Virgins
Advice for Those with Prior Experience
It’s all about consent
NEGOTIATIONS OF THE SEXES
Benefits of improved communications about sex
THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT
Commitment and Marriage
Knowing That Love Isn’t Enough
Handling Children and Commitment
Putting Your Marriage First
Strengthening Your Marriage
Remembering to communicate
Doing things together
Keeping together when you’re apart
Sex and marriage
Don’t play games with each other
It’s All about Control: Contraception and Sex
Why Use Contraceptives?
Warding off STDs
Preventing the natural outcome
Considering Your Birth Control Options
Sterilization
A BRIEF HISTORY OF CONTRACEPTION
Tying the tubes: Tubal ligation
The snip: Vasectomy
The Pill and other hormonal methods
The Pill
Depo-Provera
Implanon
NuvaRing
The patch – Ortho Evra
The intrauterine device (IUD)
On the horizon
The diaphragm, condom, and other barrier methods
The diaphragm and cervical cap
The condom
REMOVAL IS TRICKY
CONDOMS AREN’T PERFECT
CONDOMS AND THE PLEASURE PRINCIPLE
CONDOMS DON’T LAST FOREVER
The single-use internal condom (a.k.a. the female condom)
Foams, creams, and gels
The vaginal contraceptive film
Natural family planning
Calendar method
Basal body temperature
Cervical mucus
The sympto-thermal method
Facing Facts about Birth Control Myths
Douching doesn’t prevent pregnancy
One time is all it takes
You can get pregnant without orgasms
Stand-ups don’t stop sperm
Pregnancy and periods can mix
Pulling out is no protection
If Your Method Fails
Keeping the baby
Putting the baby up for adoption
Ending the pregnancy early
Emergency contraception
A woman’s right
Making your decision
Growing Up Fast: The Challenges of the Teen Years
Being a Teenager in the 21st Century
Evolving into Adulthood
The physical changes
The psychological changes
Dealing with Common Concerns
Friendships
REAL FRIENDS
Dating
Sex
Defining sex: Are you still a virgin?
Wait for marriage?
Is there a magic age?
Outercourse: Heavy petting revisited
Avoiding date rape
Masturbation
Sexual orientation
Peer pressure
Cyberporn
Protecting Your Privacy
Don’t Stop Here
Doing It
Foreplay: Revving Up Your Engines
Foreplay for Life
Linking the Emotional to the Physical
Setting the Stage
Sending flowers
Thinking ahead
Dressing for success
Dinner for two
Getting Physical
Bestowing a kaleidoscope of kisses
Eyes wide shut
More than just the lips
How long is long enough
Making the most of massage
Turning up the heat in the hot tub
Pinpointing erogenous zones with body mapping
You have now entered … the erogenous zone
Following the map
Warning: Ticklish zone
Switching Gears: Engaging the Genitals
Looking under the hood: Foreplay for her
Stimulating the clitoris
The tongue: Master of foreplay
Beyond body parts: Using a vibrator
Checking the dipstick: Foreplay for him
Fellatio
Other zones
Moving on to the Main Event
Variety Is the Spice of Foreplay
Intercourse: Coming Together for the First Time
What’s the Rush?
Making Your First Time Special
Choosing your partner wisely
Avoiding the dangers of demon rum
Giving the green light
Picking protection
Expressing your wishes
The First Time for Women
Breaking the hymen
If you’re too tight
What to expect
The First Time for Men
Controlling your erection
Premature ejaculation
Working through the problem
The First Time All Over Again
Changing Positions: Variations on a Theme
The Good Old Missionary Position
Mating face-to-face
WERE THE MISSIONARIES MISSING OUT?
Recognizing drawbacks
Varying it up
The Female-Superior Position
Reaching maximum pleasure
Stressing about stamina
A variation to make your head spin
Taking Her from Behind
Gaining a new perspective
You might want kneepads
Experimenting with some alternatives
The standing canine
Splitting the difference
Spooning
East Side, West Side, Side by Side
Lap Dancing
The Oceanic Position
Standing Up
Oral Sex: Using Your Mouth
Anal Sex: Handle with Care
INTERCOURSE BY ANY OTHER NAME …
Safe Sex: Playing Alone Together
Sex During and After Pregnancy: Orgasms Are Okay, with Changes
Rethinking what you can do
Having mama ride high or on her side
Giving orgasms with oral sex
When intercourse isn’t advisable
AVOIDING ANAL SEX
Be prepared for physical changes
Postpartum sex
Going for the Big O
What Is an Orgasm, Anyway?
Experiencing Orgasms: Differences for Men and Women
Men’s orgasms: The penis is the star
Women’s orgasms: Several paths to the goal
THE ROCKY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN WOMEN AND ORGASMS
Kegelling is not a new dance
Achieving Orgasm: Let Me Count the Ways
Hitting the G-spot: Stuff of fact or fiction?
THE “GUSHING” PHENOMENON
Climaxing during intercourse
The simultaneous orgasm
Multiple orgasms
Don’t Try — Let It Come. You’ll Be Glad You Did
Putting on Your O-Face: Responding to the Orgasmic Experience
The Best Reason to Have an Orgasm
Afterplay: Embracing the Moment
Understanding the Importance of Afterplay
Sharing the Moment
Advice for men: Stay awake
Advice for women: Tell him what you need
The Simplest of Techniques
Spicing Up Your Sex Life
Using Variety to Add Some Va Va Va Voom to Your Sex Life
Making the extra effort
DRESSING IT UP
Taking creativity on the road
Expanding Your Toy Chest
Visiting a sex shop
Ordering sexy stuff from a catalog or online
So what’s available?
Watching X-rated movies
What If You’re Just Never in the Mood?
Different Strokes
Enjoying Oral Sex
AM I STILL A VIRGIN AFTER HAVING ORAL SEX?
Overcoming Your Inhibitions
Leaving Him Breathless: What Men Like
Making Her Toes Curl: What Women Like
SIMPLIFYING SEXUAL SLANG
Dealing with Some Delicate Details
Tidying up down there
To swallow or not to swallow
But I’m having my period
Avoiding lockjaw, lip languor, tongue tiredness
Assuming the Position
Addressing the Safety Issue
Savoring Solo Play and Fantasy
Exploring the Mythology of Masturbation
THE STORY OF ONAN
Avoiding Too Much of a Good Thing
Masturbation: Good for All Ages
Childhood: Figuring out what’s “down there”
Adolescence: Exploring sexuality
Adulthood: Masturbating for many reasons
Masturbation Education
For men: Do-it-yourself techniques
For women: Tickling your own fancy
Plug-in vibrators
Battery-operated vibrators
Other equipment
I DO WHAT???
Water works
Fantasy: It’s All in Your Head
Stories to get you started
Anything and anyone goes
Sharing your fantasies
A fantasy is a fantasy is a fantasy …
Keeping Up with Cybersex and Other Hot Stuff
Eyes Wide Open: A Word of Caution
Cybersex: Sights for Mature Minds
Computers as sex objects: Turned on all the time
Directing your own X-rated show
Sites to satisfy every fetish fantasy
For adult eyes only
Finding sexually explicit material on the Net
Erotica for women
Getting kinky with a keyboard: Sexting
Nameless, faceless: Anonymity online
Sexting
Protecting yourself: Putting safety first
Is chatting cheating?
FRIENDS FIRST
ONLY THE CHATTER KNOWS
Sex forums: Any topic goes
Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex
Sex and the Radio: It’s All Talk
Sex and Television: A Different Meaning of Boob Tube
Renting films to view alone or together
Starring in your own sex flick
Pulp Nonfiction
Sex with Multiple Partners: Where Do All of These Body Parts Go?
The lure of adultery
Wife swapping, swinging, and group sex
Celebrating Same-Sex Relationships
Considering Sexual Identity
What determines sexual orientation?
Keeping religion and government out of the bedroom
Behaving responsibly, no matter what orientation you are
Where does bisexuality fit in?
Transgender
Determining Your Orientation: What Turns You On
Revealing Your Sexual Identity
Living in the closet
Coming out
Coming out to family and friends
Coming out to the world
Coming out when you’re married, with children
Outing by others
Finding support
Sexual Practices among Gay Men
Sexual Expression between Lesbians
Marriage between Same-Sex Partners
Conquering the Challenges of Mature Sex
Female Changes: Tackling Menopause
The downside of menopause: vaginal dryness
Lubricants
Hormone replacement therapy
The upsides of menopause: No periods, no pregnancy
Male Changes: Not All the Same
The spirit is willing, but the penis is weak: Fewer psychogenic erections
Responding to another person’s touch
Oral sex: Always an effective solution
Impotency: Don’t ignore it; bring it up
A benefit of aging: No more premature ejaculation
The Psychological Pluses and Minuses
Some advice for the older single woman
On my soapbox
Thriving Sexually with Illness or Disability
We Are All Sexual Beings
Sex When You’re Physically Disabled
Finding a partner
Partnering the person with disabilities
Keeping the relationship alive
AN INSPIRING MAN
Sex After You’ve Had a Heart Attack
Overcoming fear
It may not all be in your head
What can you do?
When Disabilities Arise Later in Life
Sex When You Have Diabetes
DRUGS THAT CAN AFFECT YOUR SEX LIFE
Sex and People Who Are Mentally Disabled or Ill
Sex and People Who Are Living in a Long-Term Care Facility
Uncompromising Compromised Sex
Having a Healthy Sex Life
What You Can Catch and How to Prevent It
STDs: Battle Scars No One Wants after a Night of Sex
Candidiasis
Chlamydia
Genital warts and HPV
Gonorrhea
Hepatitis B
Herpes
Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and AIDS
Diagnosis, symptoms, and treatment
Could circumcision prevent AIDS?
Good news, bad news
Molluscum contagiosum
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
Pubic lice
Syphilis
Trichomoniasis
Vaginitis
Let’s Get Serious
Condoms give good, not great, protection
Have a relationship before you have sex
Don’t be a silent partner
PLAYING DOCTOR
Timing your AIDS and STD talk
Discovering a potential partner’s character
BODILY CONTACT IS NOT THE ONLY RISK
Minimize your risks
Erectile Dysfunction and Other Male Sexual Problems
Premature Ejaculation
Defining the dilemma
Does circumcision make a difference?
The age factor
Home remedies
The “slide” technique
Rubber love
Snake oil
Masturbation: Taking matters into your own hands
Different positions
The real cure: Recognizing the premonitory sensation
The start-stop technique
Masters and Johnson squeeze technique
Is it really that simple?
Going for help
Erectile Dysfunction
The precursor: Loss of instant erection
It sneaks up on you
Spreading the word
Dealing with ED in older men
The morning cure
The stuff technique
Managing short-term impotence
Visit a urologist
Build confidence
Study sleep habits
Monitoring your erections as a clue to your health
Giving Mother Nature a boost
Oral medications
Penile implants
Injection therapy
Vacuum constriction
The downside of these “up” therapies
Delayed Ejaculation
Priapism — The Case of the Permanent Erection
The Bent Penis
Lack of Desire
Low Libido and Other Female Sexual Problems
That Elusive Orgasm
Warming up to the idea of orgasms
SOCIETY’S INFLUENCE ON WOMEN IN THE BEDROOM
Handling your own orgasm
I need more: Employing a vibrator
Forging ahead through the flat moment
Filing a missing orgasm report
Playing show-and-tell with your partner
Faking it
Ouch! It’s Too Tight in There
When Cleaning the House Sounds Better Than Having Sex
Acknowledging your partner’s frustration
Identifying and treating the problem
Every Body Is Attractive
Putting away the scales
Beautiful at any age
Sex After a Mastectomy
Avoiding Sexual Relationship Pitfalls
Making Time for Alone Time
Connecting through meaningful conversations
Scheduling sex dates
Fighting boredom in and out of the bedroom
Making the Most of a Long-Distance Relationship
Dealing with Addictive Behavior: Hooked on Porn
Surfing for a thrill
Deciding if porn is a problem
Stopping destructive habits
Staying Close to Avoid the Empty-Nest Syndrome
Making Sex a Priority
Sex and the Law
Sex, Children, and the Law
The age of consent
The legal marriage age
STRANGE SEX LAWS
Incest: A violation of trust
Sex education: Spreading the word
Rape: A Growing Concern
The Law and Contraception
The Law against Spreading Diseases
Abortion: A Legal Safeguard
The Law and Homosexuality
Acknowledging homosexuality
Gay marriage
Prostitution: The Case for Legalization
Pornography: Erotic or Obscene
Adultery: Cheating the Law
Teaching Your Children about Sex and Keeping Them Safe
Not Everything Is Dangerous
Allowing children to explore their bodies
No prescription needed to play doctor
Answering Children’s Questions
Warning Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse
The Accidental Voyeur
Protecting Your Children from the Media
Protecting Your Kids from Cyberporn
Educating your kids
Controlling kids’ access
CHECKING YOUR TEEN’S ONLINE PROFILE
Giving the Speech about Strangers
Personal privacy
Telling kids to tell an adult
Organizing with other parents
Sex Ed and the Older Child
Knowing doesn’t equal doing
To give or not to give condoms
Other Messages You Don’t Want to Send
The Part of Tens
Ten Dumb Things People Believe about Sex
If I Haven’t Had Sex by the Time I’m 18, I’m a Loser
The More I Score, the More Pleasure I’ll Have
The Sex Depicted in Porn Is True to Life
The Grass Is Always Greener in the Neighbors’ Bedroom
Sex Will Make Everything All Right
A Good Lover Must Be an Open Book
I Should Compare Sexual Partners
I Can’t Become a Better Lover
Lovers Want and Need the Same Things
I’m Too Old to Have Sex
Ten Tips for Safer Sex
Learn to Say No
Limit Your Number of Partners
Don’t Rely Solely on Your Instincts
Never Dull Your Senses When You’re with Strangers
Discuss Safer Sex in Advance
Use Condoms
Develop a Relationship Before You Have Sex
Don’t Engage in Risky Behavior
Don’t Forget about the Other STDs
Don’t Sell Your Other Options Short
Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew about Sex
Chivalry Isn’t Dead Yet
Appearances Count
You Can’t Hurry Love
A Clitoris Is Not Just a Small Penis
Women Need to Bask in the Afterglow
Kinky Sex Isn’t Sexy Sex
Wandering Eyes Mean Less Sex
Slam-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am Doesn’t Cut the Mustard
Changing Diapers Is Sexy
Just Because You Can’t Doesn’t Mean You Won’t
Ten Things Men Wish Women Knew about Sex
Being Aware of Mixed Signals
Lack of Sex Really Can Hurt
Sometimes Wasting Electricity Is Okay
Teamwork Is Important
Celebrities’ Bodies Are Not a Threat
A Little Tact, Please
If You Really Loved Me, You’d …
The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Not through His Stomach
It Might Just Be Sex
The Older a Man Gets, the More Help He Needs
Ten Tips for Truly Great Lovers
Don’t Make Love on Your First Date
Set the Mood as Far in Advance as Possible
Find Out What Your Partner Needs
Protect Yourself and Your Partner
Don’t Fall into a Rut
Fix the Potholes of Love
Use Your Sense of Touch
Become a Great Kisser
Satisfy Your Partner Even If You Don’t Feel Like Sex
Adjust to Changes Caused by Aging
Step into My Office
Baring All for the Sexual Status Exam
Tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth
Take a number; one at a time, please
Do you need a partner?
I am not a medical doctor: Ruling out physical problems
Accepting that sex is natural
Advancing to psychosexual therapy
Sex Therapists Give the Best Homework
Assignment 1: The start-stop method
Assignment 2: Sensate focus exercises
WHAT ABOUT SEX SURROGATES?
Finding a Sex Therapist
Choosing a Sex Therapist
Terrific Resources
Counseling
Sex Therapy
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
Sexual Orientation
Sexuality and Family Planning
Sexual Toys
Protecting Children
Support Groups
Advice for the Disabled
Sexual Assault
Index. A
B
C
D
E
F
G
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
About the Author
Dedication
Author's Acknowledgments
WILEY END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
