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Emma Barnett. Period.
Copyright
Dedication
Because if there’s one thing we do know, it’s that a period waits for no woman, so let’s finally allow the period pride to flow
Don’t be revolted, lead the revolt – preferably with a grin on your face and a tampon tucked proudly behind your ear
CHAPTER ONE
Without even realising it, I was already hard-wired to protect the man in my life from potential female grossness
I was made to feel proud on the day I bled for the first time, rather than dirty and ashamed
His cheeks were bright red and he looked like he might vomit
Instead, they have to waddle about with a cotton surfboard jammed between their legs. Lovely
Periods, whether you are into tasting yours or ignoring it as best you can, are part of the essence of being female
It’s time to perfect your period patter and swagger with pride, but it’s also important to know what you are up against: generations and generations of debilitating myths and anti-women, fear mongering nonsense
CHAPTER TWO
And that’s how my husband’s romantic university proposal ended up leading to one of the most memorable conversations I’ve had about my menstrual flow
I was wasn’t even allowed to touch my husband’s sleeve, or, in my favourite example, pass him a piece of steak I’d cooked for his dinner
Looking back further, Roman philosopher Pliny the Elder wrote in AD 60 that having sex with a woman on her period during a solar eclipse could prove deadly
We must not lose control of that hard-won right – especially over our periods – at a time when our voices are louder than ever before
CHAPTER THREE
‘Periods suck. We women are complicit in the silence.’
Bluntly put, often we put up with our internal lady piping and vaginas not quite working as they should because we are embarrassed and we don’t believe it to be our absolute right for everything to be more than all right
Shame might not be as tangible asa dirty tampon necklace – but it pervades all the same. Stop fuelling the fire. Stop being complicit in the period silence
CHAPTER FOUR
Of course men were bloody terrified
I think we can all agree that Dr Earle Haas, aka ‘Mr Tampon’, did us all a major favour when he came along with his nifty product – the applicator tampon – in the 1930s
Because if we put out on our period, we become weird vampire sluts
It is men who have made women out to be dirty. For something perfectly natural. They are the ones who have turned periods into a filthy, terrifying freak show – as if it wasn’t bad enough already! And they don’t even have to clean anything up
‘I know where she went. It’s disgusting.’
Women need to be able to talk about their periods as openly as guys talk about getting wood
CHAPTER FIVE
And yet, even if you don’t want to chat blood in the day job, it’s high time we stopped lying about it
Grown women are silently sitting on plastic bags in other people’s cars during business trips, praying no one will notice, and praying even harder they don’t leak on said plastic bag
‘Any way in which women are made to feel bad about an aspect of their bodies which only females have, reproduces the female-based shame on which the patriarchy has been built. And thus keeps women down.’
CHAPTER SIX
She argues this so passionately because her organisation has found that a quarter of girls learn nothing about their periods before they started having them
That’s the way it was decided to market periods to make money – like they’re a gentle but smelly secret and something that beautiful women handle without batting an eyelid
CHAPTER SEVEN
First of all, it took until 2016 for the word vagina to be said aloud in the hallowed chamber. Yes, that’s right. You know that doorway through which most of us spring forth? Utterly unmentionable in Parliament it seems
So, if you think about it, women in Britain are now paying tax twice – for being women
CHAPTER EIGHT
Half of girls have missed an entire day of school because of their period
(Plus, who wouldn’t want a badge featuring a purple heart filled with every kind of sanitary product, from tampons to Mooncups, sewn onto their clothing? I know I would. But alas – I wasn’t even a Brownie)
It’s a monumental turning point in period history, especially when you consider recent chancellors couldn’t even stomach saying the word ‘tampon’, let alone budgeting for them
It’s a cruel, mad and totally unnecessary situation
Crisis, the national homelessness charity, estimates women make up 26 per cent of the UK’s known homeless population
Tampons, it turns out, really are gold dust on the streets
CHAPTER NINE
Yep. Exactly what I feel like doing when bleeding: aerobics in the tightest clothing I can find. How did they know?
Apple forgot about periods. Simple as. Oopsy!
Personally, I’m not holding my breath for a mini tampon to find its way onto my screen anytime soon …
CHAPTER TEN
1. The woman who never wants period sex
2. The woman who doesn’t know she wants it
3. The woman who knows she wants it and has it!
1. The Bloodhounds
2. Bleeding Love
3. Blood Braggers
4. Bleeding Agnostics
5. No Bloody Way
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘I don’t have a womb,’ she’d told me, after a deep intake of breath. ‘I was born without one and I only recently found out.’
‘It would be so nice to have a period.’
All I knew was I didn’t want myperiod because I didn’t want to be a woman
CHAPTER TWELVE
The rhythm, the cycle, the mood changes, a more liberated version of yourself – these are just some of things women miss or would miss about having periods and I find it totally eye-opening
The window of chance and possibility to reproduce again has closed – that chapter of the woman’s life is over
Hopefully you haven’t curdled any mayonnaise simply by touching this book – or, you know, ended up with a tampon up the tush
A handy appendix of period euphemisms
Food
Blood
Visits
Aunties
Male slang
Jam
Red
Miscellaneous
Around the world
(Written while cramping)
Acknowledgements
Praise forPERIOD
About the Author
About the Publisher
