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The Domination of Corruption
Learning of Corruption
The Two Paths
Internalizing Corruption
Initiation Into the Streets
The Manifestation of Corruption
The Nine-Deep
Chapter 4
The Fall
The Aftermath, and the Struggle to Live
The Birth of Love
Love Lost but Independence Found
The Return to Ignorance
The Battle with Insanity
The Turning Point
The Battle Back to Sanity
The Birth of Light
The Relationship
The Desire to Change
The Ministry
My Pursuit of Knowledge
The Test of Friendship
The Struggle and the Focus
The Beginning of Understanding
A Look Back to Move Forward
The Friendship and the Awakening
Pursuit of Freedom
A Welcome Distraction
Through Struggle Came Triumph
The Lessons of My Past
Themes, discussion and essay questions
The seemingly inherent good or evil that lies within man has been widely discussed and debated over the ages. One theory I prefer over all others is John Locke’s theory on the state of man. In his treatise Locke states, I will look back over my life and relive each step of my training in an attempt to show how my experiences and environment sent me down a road that eventually led to me getting shot and then to my transformation. This book is not meant to point a finger at or blame anyone. This story is just a look into my once innocent mind to see how it became transformed. It would be a lie to say my parents only had a negative influence on my life; in fact, they taught me a lot of positives that I still live by today. However, as far back as I can remember my training groomed me to be the opposite of not only my character, but also my true nature.
In a desperate plea for help, my dad drove to the hospital seeking the advice of a doctor. By sheer luck he ran into the same doctor who delivered Kim in the hallway. The doctor’s advice to my dad was: “Get her pregnant, and do it fast.” The doctor’s reasoning was the only thing that could help my mom get over the loss of her child was the birth of another child. The story told throughout the family is that for the next four months no one outside the house saw hide or hair of my mom or dad until the announcement came—“I’m pregnant.”
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Trembling because of my dad’s face and because everyone came to watch, but at the same time filled with excitement, adrenaline, and relief, in one of my most climactic experiences of that time I slowly reached for the fire. As my hand entered the flame, at first I just felt warmth which intrigued me, but the longer my hand stayed in the fire an intense burning replaced fascination, and all at once I both screamed and cried. Richie yelled, “Dummy!” Then Kim said, “That’s what you get!”
Everyone laughed, and for the next three weeks Richie and Kim took turns asking me if I wanted to touch the fire again. As I look back, here is where two of my most corrupt morals were formed. In that moment I learned it is funny when other people get hurt and trials, difficulties, and pain were the victim’s fault. These two morals were the first two stones laid in the foundation of my corruption. Before this time, I felt sad if others were crying and went to defend them. However, there would be more morals and values to come that would turn an otherwise thoughtful, generous, honest, truthful kid into a selfish, stingy, deceitful liar.
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