Confident Teens: How to Raise a Positive, Confident and Happy Teenager

Confident Teens: How to Raise a Positive, Confident and Happy Teenager
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A Lindenfield guide to helping teenagers and young adults stay confident and feel good about themselves.Teens today need more help than ever. Being expected to grow up quickly; facing the problems of immense peer pressure; facing exam challenges – and getting to grips with the many changes and events of the teenage years can be exceedingly daunting.Confidence levels and the grown-up personality are moulded in your teens, and setbacks around this time can seriously impact on self-esteem in later life. However, confident teenagers should grow up to become confident people and this book shows how parents can best understand, support, befriend and give confidence to their teenage child.Written for adults, this is a candid and sympathetic guide which will help parents to be prepared for the roller coaster teenage years.Why it’s important to acknowledge that times have changed.• Why experimentation is important to your teen’s identity and well being.• How to nurture your child through a bad patch.• How to help your child develop healthy independence.• What teenagers worry about. Where to start with sexuality, drugs, work, college and the future.The book includes tips on how to deal with typical teenager scenarios and has a series of Golden Rules for parents to follow.Note that it has not been possible to include the same picture content that appeared in the original print version.

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Gael Lindenfield. Confident Teens: How to Raise a Positive, Confident and Happy Teenager

Confident Teens. How to raise a positive, confident and happy teenager. Gael Lindenfield

Dedication

Table of Contents

Introduction

Part one

What Exactly is Confidence?

8 Key Ingredients of Super Confidence

Meet the Super Confident Teen

About the Golden Rules

21 Golden Rules. Rule 1: Teach by Example Before Giving Instructions

Rule 2: Ensure Your Wisdom is One (But Only One) Step Ahead

Rule 3: Listen Three Times as Much as you Talk

Rule 4: Think Before You Speak

Rule 5: Review the ‘Rulebook’ Jointly and Frequently

Rule 6: Aim to Strike a Deal in 90% of Your Conflicts

Rule 7: Help Them to Discover their Own ‘Carrots’ and ‘Sticks’

12 key characteristics of self-motivated people – and how you can help your teen to develop them

Rule 8: Use ‘Pull’ not ‘Push’ to Help Them with Difficult Choices

10 quick ways to give your teen’s self-esteem a boost

A decision-making strategy

Rule 9: Ask for Their Help on Their Terms

Rule 10: Prove Your Commitment with Time that You Think You Can’t Spare

Rule 11: Be Content to be a Predictable Parent rather than a Best Mate

Rule 12: Stay Honest and Focused When Giving Feedback

Rule 13: Be a Safety Net not a Security Blanket

Rule 14: Do Battle with the Bullies Both for Them and with Them

Why bullying must be stopped

CAT! a strategy for responding to a non-violent attack

Rule 15: Equip Them Efficiently for Their Emotional Roller Coaster Rides

A basic 20-minute relaxation

A quick visualization technique

Anchoring – a technique for rekindling positive feelings

Warning signals

Three possible ways to handle anger

How to defuse your anger

Rule 16: Coach as well as Comfort Them Through Their Relationship Crises

Dealing with put-downs

How to heal from emotional hurt

Rule 17: Respond to Their Desire for Solitude and Secrecy with Tact

Rule 18: Don’t be Afraid to ‘Spoil’ Them with the Extras They Need

Rule 19: Celebrate the Milestones as well as the Achievements

Rule 20: Find, and Keep Alive, a New Dream for You

Rule 21: Nail the Door Ajar – Forever!

Part two

The Angst Tests

The Problems ‘You always take her side’ Family background

Letter from Gillian

Questions to ask yourself

‘She thinks she’s fat and ugly’ Family background

Letter from Pat

Questions to ask yourself

‘He’s C-stream in everything and he knows it’ Family background

Letter from Brian

Questions to ask yourself

‘He’s too easily led’ Family Background

Letter from Roger

Questions to ask yourself

‘She won’t talk about losing her father’ Family background

Letter from Isabel

Questions to ask yourself

Answer Time! ‘You always take her side’:How can Gillian help?

‘She thinks she’s fat and ugly’: How can Pat and Eddie help?

‘He’s C-stream in everything and he knows it’: How can Brian and Jill help?

‘He’s too easily led’:How can Roger and Carol help?

‘She won’t talk about losing her father’:How can Isabel help?

Should I take a gap year?

A Final Word

Further Help. Recommended Reading

For Teenagers

Useful Internet Sites

About the author

Index

Acknowledgements

By the same author

Copyright

About the Publisher

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To my husband, Stuart, who has been the most supportive co-parent I could ever have hoped to have. His optimism, down-to-earth wisdom and sense of fun helped transform many a moment of angst into a positive, uplifting experience.

Title Page

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You: ‘When you said just now you met her coming out of school, were you on your own?’

Teen: ‘No, there was a whole crowd of us…and that git Kevin started having a go at me…He…’.

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