Windfalls
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Оглавление
Gardiner Alfred George. Windfalls
PREFACE
JEMIMA
ON BEING IDLE
ON HABITS
IN DEFENCE OF WASPS
ON PILLAR ROCK
TWO VOICES
ON BEING TIDY
AN EPISODE
ON POSSESSION
ON BORES
A LOST SWARM
YOUNG AMERICA
ON GREAT REPLIES
ON BOILERS AND BUTTERFLIES
ON HEREFORD BEACON
CHUM
ON MATCHES AND THINGS
ON BEING REMEMBERED
ON DINING
IDLE THOUGHTS AT SEA
TWO DRINKS OF MILK
ON FACTS AND THE TRUTH
ON GREAT MEN
ON SWEARING
ON A HANSOM CAB
ON MANNERS
ON A FINE DAY
ON WOMEN AND TOBACCO
DOWN TOWN
ON KEYHOLE MORALS
FLEET STREET NO MORE
ON WAKING UP
ON RE-READING
FEBRUARY DAYS
ON AN ANCIENT PEOPLE
ON GOOD RESOLUTIONS
ON A GRECIAN PROFILE
ON TAKING A HOLIDAY
UNDER THE SYCAMORE
ON THE VANITY OF OLD AGE
ON SIGHTING LAND
Отрывок из книги
I took a garden fork just now and went out to dig up the artichokes. When Jemima saw me crossing the orchard with a fork he called a committee meeting, or rather a general assembly, and after some joyous discussion it was decided nem. con. that the thing was worth looking into. Forthwith, the whole family of Indian runners lined up in single file, and led by Jemima followed faithfully in my track towards the artichoke bed, with a gabble of merry noises. Jemima was first into the breach. He always is…
But before I proceed it is necessary to explain. You will have observed that I have twice referred to Jemima in the masculine gender. Doubtless, you said, “How careless of the printer. Once might be forgiven; but twice – ” Dear madam’ (or sir), the printer is on this occasion blameless. It seems incredible, but it’s so. The truth is that Jemima was the victim of an accident at the christening ceremony. He was one of a brood who, as they came like little balls of yellow fluff out of the shell, received names of appropriate ambiguity – all except Jemima. There were Lob and Lop, Two Spot and Waddles, Puddle-duck and Why?, Greedy and Baby, and so on. Every name as safe as the bank, equal to all contingencies – except Jemima. What reckless impulse led us to call him Jemima I forget. But regardless of his name, he grew up into a handsome drake – a proud and gaudy fellow, who doesn’t care twopence what you call him so long as you call him to the Diet of Worms.
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“And now look at Lloyd George. Why, Wilson is twisting him round his finger – that’s what he’s doing. Just twisting him round his finger. Wants a League of Nations, says Wilson, and then he starts building a fleet as big as ours.”
“Never did like that man,” said timid voice.
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