Your Daughter

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Girls’ Association Schools. Your Daughter

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YOUR DAUGHTER

The Girls’ Schools Association

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Secondly, parents need to ensure that their children are able to take responsibility, including for those things they get wrong. If your son or daughter is in trouble at school, leaping to their defence isn’t necessarily in their best interests, however comforting it might feel. If a child has made an unwise choice, working with the school to give clear messages and to ensure that your son or daughter knows where the parameters are (and which boundaries they have crossed) will help them far more than being ‘in their corner’. With a truculent teenager at home, it seems like too good an opportunity to miss being on their side against the perceived common enemy at school. A Deputy Head reported an incident of dealing with a girl who was suspected of being responsible for writing graffiti in a school toilet. The father waded in, outraged that his daughter would ever be accused of doing such a thing. It took the wind out of his sails somewhat when the Deputy Head told him that she had openly admitted she had done it before he arrived.

Returning to the comment of the parent who yearned for positive feedback on her parenting, this is something that Heads quite frequently offer. When we sit down together to discuss a particular issue, especially if the parent is trying to set boundaries and meeting resistance, Heads will quite often say, ‘You are doing the right things.’ It is important to tell parents not to apologise for caring about and worrying about their children, even when this occasionally makes them overly passionate. Parents are encouraged to be strong, to appreciate that, despite the resistance, children do want and need boundaries, as boundaries reassure them that they are loved. And, of great importance — Heads try very hard not to bash the parents. We are all on the same side — which is, of course, the children’s.

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