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Gooch Richard. Nuts to crack; or Quips, quirks, anecdote and facete of Oxford and Cambridge Scholars
Nuts to crack; or Quips, quirks, anecdote and facete of Oxford and Cambridge Scholars
Table of Contents
PREFACE
OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE
NUTS TO CRACK;
OR, QUIPS, QUIRKS, ANECDOTE AND FACETE
WAS OXFORD OR CAMBRIDGE FIRST FOUNDED?
JEU DE POESIE
THE PRECEDENCE OF OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE
THIS CELEBRATED CONTROVERSY
DIED OF LITERARY MORTIFICATION,
SIR SIMON D’EWES,
GONE TO JERUSALEM
A CUTTING RETORT
LIBERTY A PLANT
A TAILOR BEING TAKEN BY SURPRISE,
REASONS FOR NOT PUBLISHING
DECLINING KING GEORGE
CLASSICAL JEU D’ESPRIT
A TRAIT OF BARROW
INVETERATE SMOKERS
LOVER OF TOBACCO,
A WAGER,
GAME IN EVERY BUSH
NEWTON’S TOAST
THE PIETY OF RAY,
THE DEVIL LOOKING OVER LINCOLN
RADCLIFFE’S LIBRARY
TRAITS OF DR. BATHURST’S WIT AND HABITS
HE FREQUENTLY CARRIED A WHIP IN HIS HAND,
WHIPPED EVEN TO THE TWENTIETH YEAR
BE A SMART FELLOW,
MILTON WAS BELASHED
EPIGRAM ON AN EPIGRAM,
TELL US WHAT YOU CAN’T DO?
THE FIRST WOMEN INTRODUCED INTO A CLOISTER
THE CAMBRIDGE SCHOLAR AND THE GHOST OF A. SCRAG OF MUTTON
COMPARISONS ARE ODIOUS
JAUNT DOWN A PATIENT’S THROAT
THIS DIFFERENCE OF OPINION
AN EPIGRAM ON A PETIT-MAITRE PHYSICIAN
PORSON,
BOASTING AT A CAMBRIDGE PARTY,
BISHOP HEBER’S COLLEGE PUNS
A WORTHY OF THE SAME SCHOOL,
KEEP HIS DOOR SPORTED FOR A WEEK,
PLUCKED AT THEIR DIVINITY EXAMINATION,
COMPLIMENT TO THE MEN OF EXETER COLLEGE, OXON
HIS GRACE OF WELLINGTON
ANOTHER OXONIAN WAS POSED,
LAPSUS GRAMMATICÆ
THAT THE LATIN TONGUE BE USED,
EFFECT OF HABIT
THE CONCUSSION
COMIC PICTURE OF THE ELECTION OF A PROVOST OF KING’S COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE
SIR, DOMINUS, MAGISTRI, SIR GREENE
HUSBANDS MAY BEAT THEIR WIVES
ANOTHER ATTACK ON THE LADIES
EXTRAORDINARY DOINGS AT MERTON
DIGGING YOUR GRAVES WITH YOUR TEETH
DR. TORKINGTON’S GRATITUDE TO HIS HORSE
SAY JOHN SHARP IS A ROGUE
“I SAID AS HOW YOU’D SEE.”
I NOW LEAVE YOU TO MAKE AS MUCH NOISE AS YOU PLEASE
THE MAD PETER-HOUSE POET
THE GRACE CUP OF PEMBROKE-HALL, CAMBRIDGE
THE TERTIAVIT
A MORE CAPACIOUS BOWL
HORN OF DIVERSION,
ANOTHER BIBULOUS RELIQUE
A LAUDABLE AND CHRISTIAN CUSTOM,
THEIR FEAST DAYS,
A MUSICAL MAY-DAY COMMEMORATION,
ODE ON A COLLEGE FEAST DAY
SIR ROBERT WALPOLE AT CAMBRIDGE
A COLLEGE DINNER AT THE END OF THE SIXTEENTH CENTURY:—
AN ACCOUNT OF THE WINE, &c., CONSUMED AT A COLLEGE AUDIT
THE BLACK-NIGHT
THE FORCE OF IMAGINATION
HIS ABSENT HABITS,
THE EARLY POETS BRED IN THE HALLS OF GRANTA,
VERY EASY TO WRITE LIKE A FOOL.”
“THE LADY OF THE COLLEGE;”
BOTH THESE ALUMNI,
‘HE NEVER WAS A BOY.’ ”
CROMWELL’S PEAR-TREE
OTHER MEMORIALS OF CROMWELL
DRYDEN CONFINED TO COLLEGE WALLS
EXPELLED FROM CAIUS COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE
PRIOR LAID OUT THE WALKS OF ST. JOHN’S
STUNG BY A B
A NEST OF SAXONISTS
COLE, RELATES A PLEASANT MISTAKE,
MINDING THE ROAST
SPECIMEN OF A COLLEGE EXERCISE, By the Younger Bowyer, written at St. John’s College, Cambridge, November 29, 1719
TULIP-TIME
THE COLLEGE BELL
COLLEGE FUN
THE KING OF DENMARK AT CAMBRIDGE
WILLIAM THE FOURTH, ANNOUNCED HIS INTENTION TO VISIT CAMBRIDGE
DURING QUEEN ELIZABETH’S SECOND VISIT TO OXFORD,
WHEN QUEEN ELIZABETH FIRST VISITED CAMBRIDGE,
THE FIRST DISSENTER IN ENGLAND,
THE FIRST ENGLISH PLAY EXTANT:
TITLE:
BRIEF SKETCH OF THE PLOT
A NEWE TESTAMENT IN GREEK,
“SEMPER UNA
THE SCHOLARS OF CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD, INVENTED MOVEABLE SCENES
JAMES THE FIRST AND HIS COURT CAME TO OXFORD,
OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE SEEMED RIVALS
EXTRAORDINARY DIVINITY ACT,
THE FAMOUS CAMBRIDGE LATIN COMEDY,
TO PLACE THE VICE-CHANCELLOR BEFORE THE MAYOR,
AN OXONIAN AND A BISHOP,
BRIEF NOTICE OF THE BOAR’S HEAD CAROL, AS SUNG IN QUEEN’S COLLEGE, OXFORD, ON CHRISTMAS DAY
A CAROL BRINGING IN THE BORES HEED
THIS CUSTOM
RYGHTE EXCELLENTE SONG IN HONOUR OF THE CELEBRATION OF. THE BOAR’S HEAD, AT QUEEN’S COLLEGE, OXFORD. Tam Marti quam Mercurio
CLEAVING THE BLOCK,
THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING LITTLE
THE FOLLOWING LATIN EPIGRAM:
IN ENGLISH, AS MUCH AS TO SAY:
BISHOPS BLOMFIELD AND MONK,
PRONOUNCED HIM THE GREATEST SCHOLAR IN EUROPE,
PORSON WAS A GREAT MASTER OF IAMBIC MEASURE,
PORSON AND WAKEFIELD
HE OBTAINED THE SOUBRIQUET OF JUDGE BLACKSTONE
DR. EDWARD DANIEL CLARKE,
A BALLOON, WITH WHICH HE AMUSED THE UNIVERSITY,
“WITH TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE SOME MUST BURN,”
THREE BLUE BEANS IN A BLADDER
THE THREE UNIVERSITY BEDELS,
NO SCHOLAR IN EUROPE UNDERSTOOD THEM BETTER
BENTLEIAN ANECDOTE
THE GREAT GAUDY OF THE ALL-SOULS’ MALLARD
THE ALL-SOULS’ MALLARD
ANOTHER OXFORD DREAM PRECEDED THE FOUNDATION OF ST. JOHN’S COLLEGE
A POINT OF PRECEDENCE SETTLED
COMPLIMENTS TO THE LEARNED OF BOTH UNIVERSITIES
“MALLEUS PAPISTARUM.”
“THE WALKING DICTIONARY.”
DOCTOR SUBTILIS;
DOCTOR INVINCIBILIS;
PROFOUND
DOCTOR EVANGELICUS
THE WALKING LIBRARY;”
“THE WONDERFUL,”
“THE JUDICIOUS.”
JOHN LELAND,
LORD MOUNTJOY
ATTACK THE ERRORS OF LUTHER
VIR EGREGIE DOCTUS,
“BLANDÆ ELOQUENTIÆ JUVENEM.” A POINT OF ETIQUETTE
THE VALUE OF A SYLLABLE
“COCKS MAY CROW.”
BAND OF PROFANE SCOFFERS
DID NOT THE LESS REVERENCE RELIGION,
THE MEMORY OF JEMMY GORDON,
SIMILAR STORY IS TOLD OF AN OXFORD WAG,
CAMBRIDGE FROLICS
SWEARING LIKE A COMMON SOLDIER?’
CASE OF BLACK RASH,
THE FATE OF THE DOCTOR’S OLD GRIZZLE WIG
TWO OTHER SHOOTING ANECDOTES
A PARTY OF OXONIANS,
BISHOP WATSON’S OWN ACCOUNT OF HIS PROGRESS AT CAMBRIDGE
PALEY’S SKETCH OF HIS EARLY ACADEMICAL LIFE
THE LOUNGER. BY AN OXONIAN
AN OXFORD HOAX AND A PURITAN DETECTED
MORE THAN ONE GOOD SAYING
HORACE WALPOLE A SAINT
A CAMBRIDGE CONUNDRUM,
A BISHOP’S INTEREST
OXFORD FAMOUS FOR ITS SOPHISTS
A VICE-CHANCELLOR’S BEING LACONIC
‘SOPHISTRIA SECUNDUM USUM OXON.’
TWO PERT OXONIANS
CORRUPTED THE LATIN TONGUE
THE OXONIANS SURPASSED ARISTOTLE
HE SET ARISTOTLE WITH HIS HEELS UPWARDS ON THE SCHOOL GATES,
THEY FIRST EXEMPLIFIED THE ART OF CUTTING,
CROMWELL’S SOLDIERS AT A DISPUTATION AT OXFORD
TROOPS BEING RAISED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD,
A COPY OF VERSES ON THE DOCTOR’S DEATH
CAPTAIN RAG
THE THREE DAINTY MORSELS
ANSWERED IN KIND
POWERS OF DIGESTION
A CAMBRIDGE D.D.,
THE INSIDE PASSENGER
PALEY’S CELEBRATED SCHOOL ACT
HE WAS NOT FOND OF CLASSICAL STUDIES,
HE WAS NOT SKILLED IN PROSODY;
A SPICE OF CUTTING HUMOUR
A RULE OF HIS
HE WAS UNLIKE DR. PARR
HE WAS NEVER A GOOD HORSEMAN
HIS TWO OR THREE REASONS FOR EXCHANGING LIVINGS
A DISCIPLE OF IZAAK WALTON,
HIS WAY WHEN HE WANTED TO WRITE
A CONTRAST TO DR. GOLDSMITH,
PALEY’S DIFFICULTIES A USEFUL LESSON TO YOUTH
IN HIS POVERTY HE WAS LIKE PARR
PORSON, TOO, WAS A CONTRAST TO PALEY
ANECDOTE OF THE GREAT LORD BURLEIGH AND THE DISSENTERS OF HIS DAY
OTHER SAYINGS OF THIS GREAT MAN
PORSON’S PROGRESS IN KNOWLEDGE
A GENTLEMAN WITHOUT SIXPENCE IN HIS POCKET
GREEK PROTESTANTS AT OXFORD
JUDGMENT OF ERASMUS ON THE CAMBRIDGE FOLK
BEDMAKERS OR GYPS
DROPS OF BRANDY
THE DIRTY-SHIRT CLUB
DESSERT FOR TWENTY
A HINT FOR GOWNSMEN
MARVELLOUS STRIDES ON THE ROAD TO WEALTH,
ANOTHER SPECIES OF FRAUD
THE SOURCE OF DR. PARR’S ELOQUENCE
ADDRESS TO HIS TEA-CHEST,
AS A SPICE OF THEIR JOINT VANITY,
ASSURING HIMSELF A PLACE AMONGST THE GREEK. SCHOLARS OF HIS DAY
ANOTHER SPICE OF HIS VANITY
I STILL MAINTAIN MY OPINION.”
IT IS THE PRIVILEGE OF WOMEN TO TALK NONSENSE.”
REPROOFS OF IGNORANCE TALKING WITH THE. CONFIDENCE OF KNOWLEDGE
BEING MUCH ANNOYED
HE MATCHED A TRICK OF THE DEVIL
THREE CLASSICAL PUNS:
HIS LAW ACT AT CAMBRIDGE
“THERE IS A PLEASANT STORY
AN ACT KEPT BY DR. MILNER,
EPIGRAM
NOVEL REVENGE
THEY TAKE THEM AS THEY COME
THE DARLING SON OF HIS MOTHER,
MISCALCULATING MAMMA,
PRESENTING HIS FAVOURITE SON
ITER ACADEMICUM; OR, THE GENTLEMAN. COMMONER’S MATRICULATION
A STORY
FRESHMEN OFTEN AFFORD MIRTH
ANOTHER FRESHMAN
WE MUST DO SOMETHING FOR THE POOR LOST YOUNG MAN
LIKE O’ WHISSONSET CHURCH
CUSTOM, WHIM, FASHION, AND CAPRICE,
A HEAVY FINE TO APPEAR IN BOOTS
YELLOW STOCKINGS
THE FASHION OF THE HAIR
THE FIRST PRELATE THAT WORE A WIG
THE OXFORD SCHOLARS WERE PROHIBITED FROM. WEARING BOOTS AND SPURS
UNDERGRADUATE, WHIPPING,
ARCHBISHOP BANCROFT
WAKEFIELD’S EPIGRAM ON THE FLYING BARBER OF CAMBRIDGE,
THE ISTHMUS OF SUEZ
YOU ARE TO PRAY AND FIGHT, NOT TO DRINK FOR THE CHURCH
SIGNS OF A GOOD APPETITE
A COLLEGE QUIZ
SUCKING THE MILK OF BOTH UNIVERSITIES
LIKE RABELAIS,
AMBASSADORS OF KING JESUS AT OXFORD
A SURPRISING EFFORT OF INTELLECT
JUDGMENT OF PROFESSOR HALLIFAX
THE CELEBRATED OXONIAN, DEAN TUCKER,
OH! FOR A DISTICH
SKELETON SERMONS
I WISH HE HAD PAID IT FIRST
A MIND TO MAKE TRIAL OF THE STOCKS,
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE PRATT,
HISSING VERSUS MONEY
TWO OXFORD SCHOLARS POSING DR. HAYES,
GROSS INDEED
PUN UPON PYE
THE CAMBRIDGE FAMILY OF SPINTEXTS
DOCTOR ISAAC BARROW,
DOCTOR SAMUEL PARR
ANOTHER CLASS OF PREACHERS
THE THREE-HEADED PRIEST
MY BEEF BURNT TO A CINDER
SHORT HAND WRITING WAS INVENTED BY A CANTAB,
THE HUMBLE PETITION OF THE LADIES
A NATURAL TURN FOR HUMOUR,
INGENIOUS REPARTEES
CELEBRATED ALL OVER GERMANY
REBUSES AT OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE. BECKINGTON
ALCOCK,
EGLESFIELD,
ASHTON
LAKE LEMAN
SOMETHING IN YOUR WAY
DUNS
ODE ON THE PLEASURE OF BEING OUT OF DEBT. Horace, Ode XXII. Book I. Imitated. Integer vitæ scelerisque purus, &c
QUEERING A DUN
GRAY THE POET A CONTRAST TO BISHOP WARBURTON
VALUE OF A WORD SPOKE IN DUE SEASON,
THE CANONS OF CRITICISM,
BISHOP BARRINGTON’S SPLENDID GIFT, AND OTHER TRAITS OF HIM
AN ADMIRABLE PULPIT ADMONITION
THE SIMPLICITY OF GREAT MINDS
“OF WHAT COUNTRY MARINES WERE?”
WATCH DOING TO A TURN IN THE SAUCEPAN
A HOST OF SINGULARITIES
HIS WIG AND HAT FELL INTO THE WATER,
HIS TRIPLE, THRICE-CONFUSED DISCOURSE,
THE CELEBRATED LORD SANDWICH,
THE INVENTOR OF SANDWICHES
LAPSUS LINGUÆ
OXFORD AND CAMBRIDGE LOYALTY
THE CUSHION PLOT,
THE DANGER OF DRINKING THE KING’S HEALTH
“THE CONSTITUTION CLUB,”
AMONGST THE CAMBRIDGE CLUBS
THE RETROGRADATION AMONGST MASTERS, TUTORS, AND SCHOLARS
THERE IS AN ON-DIT,
THE WORCESTER GOBLIN
RECORDS OF THE CAMBRIDGE TRIPOSES
THE WOODEN SPOON
THE POLL; OR, ὉΙ ΠΟΛΛΟΙ:
A RARE MATHEMATICAL WIND.”
“HE WAS RAISING APPLE-PIE TO THE Tth POWER:”
THE CLASSICAL TRIPOS AND THE WOODEN WEDGE
A PREVIOUS EXAMINATION
SYLLOGISTIC EXERCISE FOR THE LITTLE-GO MEN
A DREADFUL FIT OF RHEUMATISM
DR. PARR AN INGRATE
MON DIEU—LE DIABLE
SOME CRITICAL CIVILITIES
BENTLEY SAID OF JOSHUA BARNES,
SIR BUSICK AND SIR ISAAC AGAIN
COLE: DEUM
THE FRESHMAN’S PUZZLE
A SLY HUMOURIST
A STORY OF A NOBLE OXONIAN,
IT IS RELATED OF THE SAME OXFORD WAG,
WAS A PERSON OF SUCH CONSUMMATE GRAVITY,
INVENTORY OF GOODS FOR SALE
THE END
NEW WORKS
LATELY PUBLISHED, AND. PREPARING FOR PUBLICATION, BY. E. L. CAREY & A. HART, PHILAD
