It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy
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Greg Behrendt. It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Breakup Buddy
Copyright
Table of Contents
GREG’S INTRO
AMIIRA’S INTRO
WHAT LIES AHEAD
WHAT IF YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?
Part 1 THE BREAKUP
Chapter One IT’S CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSE IT’S BROKEN
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But how can a relationship just break with no warning?
But why didn’t he just break up with me instead of making me do it?
But how do you know we’re not going to get back together?
But what if our relationship really was great?
But why does it still hurt?
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
Across
Down
Answers: Across
Down
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Two THERE ARE NO NEW MESSAGES
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if he can’t tell that it’s me calling?
But he said to call
But what if I have a legitimate reason?
But what if he calls me?
But what if I can’t stop breaking into his IM account?
But I’m used to talking to him all the time
But what if we were best friends?
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journey Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
TEN THINGS TO DO BESIDES CALL
Ten Things to do Besides Call
Chapter Three HE’S NOT HIDING AT THE BOTTOM OF THAT PINT OF ICE CREAM
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what’s wrong with a few cocktails?
But what’s wrong with a little rebound sex?
But eating is the only thing that makes me feel better
But they’re called painkillers for a reason
How many flings is too many?
A Quick Note on Rebounding BY AMIIRA
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Four IF YOU MENTION HIS NAME ONE MORE TIME… Your friends are going to break up with you too
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if my friends are wrong?
But isn’t that what friends are for?
What if my best friend is still friends with him?
Shouldn’t my friends take sides?
BONUS QUESTIONS. What if my friend is driving me crazy?
What if her “ex” is my dad?
THE Best WORST NEWS
Divvying Up the Friends
Mutual Friends
His Friends
Your Friends
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
Crack Brownies
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Five STOP CALLING IN SICK
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if I can’t get out of bed?
But what if I don’t know who I am anymore?
But why am I taking it so hard?
But what if I can’t avoid him otherwise?
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook. SAD LIBS (The Sad Person’s Mad-Libs) Bedsores and Boo Hoos
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Six IF HE WAS SO GREAT, YOU’D STILL BE TOGETHER
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if it’s not his fault?
But what if he can’t break up with his other girlfriend?
What if there isn’t anyone better out there for me?
What if he was made to order?
BONUS QUESTION. Should I confront him again now that my eyes are open?
A Romantic Revisionist’s Guide to Reality
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
“Really Great” Egg Soufflé
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Seven FANCY MEETING YOU HERE! (Or, The Art of Premeditated Coincidence)
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if we still frequent the same places?
But what if we work together?
But what’s wrong with letting him know what he’s missing?
But what if I want to teach him a lesson?
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Chapter Eight WHAT’S HE THINKING?
But Greg, I’ve Got Questions. But what if he doesn’t realize the mistake he’s making?
But what if he’s just sabotaging himself?
Will I ever stop thinking about him?
But maybe he’ll come around
But how can he just walk away so easily?
But doesn’t he miss me at all?
But doesn’t he have the same memories?
But how can he even think about being with someone else?
THE Best WORST NEWS
What I Was Thinking BY GREG
What I Did Wrong BY GREG
How I Got Through It BY AMIIRA
SAD PERSON’S. Journeywork Workbook. and Sometimes Cookbook
PSYCHO CONFESSIONAL
Part 2 THE BREAKOVER
The First Commandment (Or, Just a Really Good Idea) DON’T SEE HIM OR TALK TO HIM FOR SIXTY DAYS
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Second Commandment (Or, A Strong Suggestion) GET YOURSELF A BREAKUP BUDDY
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
A Note to the Breakup Buddy
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Third Commandment (Or, Something You Should Seriously Consider) GET RID OF HIS STUFF AND THE THINGS THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Boxing Day
Return to Sender (His Box)
Keepsakes for Pete’s Sake (Your Box)
Straight-Up Trash (Sayonara!)
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Fourth Commandment (Or, Sound Advice from a Couple of Smartypants) GET YOUR ASS IN MOTION EVERY DAY
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Fifth Commandment (Or, Food for Thought) DON’T WEAR YOUR BREAKUP OUT INTO THE WORLD
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Sixth Commandment (Hear Our Plea!) NO BACKSLIDING!
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
The Seventh Commandment (And This One Is Non-Negotiable) IT WON’T WORK UNLESS YOU ARE NUMBER ONE!
How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do That?
Dude, I Know What You’re Thinking BY GREG
Special Circumstances
Survey Says
AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR BREAKUP WAS BAD!
FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK
Bonus Chapter DUDE, GET OFF HER LAWN (The Tough Guy’s Breakup Buddy)
RULE #1: SHE’S NOT COMING BACK!
RULE #2: PUT DOWN THE BEER BONG
RULE #3: GET YOURSELF A BREAKUP BUDDY
RULE #4: WALK IT OFF, CHAMP
THE Best WORST NEWS
Take It from a Lady Who Knows by Amiira
APPENDIX (Or, One More Thing Before We Go)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Отрывок из книги
This book is for the True and Mighty.
Title Page
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The best worst news is that you’re broken up. You’re in the thick of it. There’s no more dreading when or if it’s going to happen, or how badly you’re going to feel. You’re here, and like everything else in life, the reality is never quite as bad as you feared it would be. You didn’t die, the world didn’t end, food still tastes decent, and now you have time to reconnect with friends, catch up on your reading, and hog the bed all to yourself if nothing else.
The super sucky hard part is adjusting to this new reality and, of course, going through some real heartache. The thing about breakups and the pain that accompanies them is that they can’t just be undone or get better. Even the most mutual of splits usually hurts one party more than the other and can lead to an avalanche of emotions that takes some time to clear. But the flip side of breaking up—and here’s the Best News part—is that you are also breaking free from a relationship that wasn’t working. Freedom means no more agonizing, no more drama, and no more time wasted on someone who wasn’t appreciative of who you really are. Freedom means you can redesign your life and the sky’s the limit—you can take all the things you hoped for in your relationship, all your dreams about what love should be and feel and look like, and find a guy who will actually make them happen. During this time when you feel decimated and powerless, remember that you are still in control of at least one thing—yourself. And while you can’t make someone take back a breakup, you do get a say in what happens next. You get to decide whether to use this situation as a turning point, and be dignified in your grief, or let it overtake you and hold you back. So start now. Start today. Don’t be a victim of heartbreak, be a take-charge superstar! (Yeah, that’s kind of goofy, but you know what we mean.)
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