The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath

The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath
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H. Rochester Sneath no longer exists. And if you wished to put your son's name on the waiting list for Selhurst School, near Petworth, Sussex, you might have a little difficulty. It doesn't exist either. But, as this collection of Sneath's letters, and the replies, proves, you can fool most of the people most of the time. Particularly, it seems, if the people happen to be the head masters of those most English private institutions – public schools.
In early 1948 Sneath began his brief and glorious career. Letters, like canes, mortarboards and jaundiced rugger balls, began to appear in headmasters' offices, whose occupants, with two notable exceptions, appeared to find nothing strange in Sneath's requests or his exhortations. Pompous, indignant, eccentric, pushing, toadying, or just plain dotty, the letters were answered with a seriousness which is barely credible. For he wrote of:
– infestations of rats – the possibility of 'engineering' Royal visits – how to hire a private detective – junior masters with club feet and warty noses – ghosts, cricket, statues, new buildings, 'monster' reunions
George Bernard Shaw was puzzled, Sir Giles Gilbert Scott was booked up, as was Sir Adrian Boult. Sir William Reid Dick was eager. After four or five letters the Master of Marlborough became exasperated, while the head master of St Benedict's was livid. A certain master displayed a cupidity not normally associated with men of the cloth; the new Master of Rugby was grateful for some wise advice; the head master of Stowe could not have been more helpful about sex. There was talk of Sneath succeeding the headmaster of Eton. One head master was so drawn to Sneath that he recommended Selhurst to a prospective parent, who promptly applied for a place on behalf of her son. His name was placed on 'the waiting list for the Waiting List'.
Sneath's letters comprise a gentle and unmalicious, but devastatingly accurate parody of the public school system – a collection so intelligently absurd that it defies adequate description.

Оглавление

Humphry Berkeley. The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath

Publishing details

Introduction

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. March 25th, 1948

April 14th, 1948

To the Master of Marlborough College. March 15th, 1948

March 19th, 1948

March 26th, 1948

March 28th, 1948

April 2nd, 1948

April 4th, 1948

To Mr George Bernard Shaw

To Sir William Reid Dick. April 22nd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Rugby. April 24th, 1948

May 1st, 1948

To the Headmaster of Sherborne. April 23rd, 1948

April 25th, 1948

May 4th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Charterhouse. March 15th, 1948

March 17th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Stowe. April 22nd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

April 29th, 1948

April 29th, 1948

April 30th, 1948

To the Headmaster of the Oratory. April 22nd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

April 29th, 1948

To Sir Giles Gilbert Scott. April 22nd, 1948

April 26th, 1948

To Monsignor Ronald Knox. April 24th, 1948

April 30th, 1948

To the Rector of Beaumont College. April 29th, 1948

May 1st, 1948

To the Headmaster of Oundle. April 29th, 1948

April 30th, 1948

May 1st, 1948

To the Headmaster of Haileybury. April 22nd, 1948

April 23rd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

To Sir Adrian Boult. April 22nd, 1948

April 28th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Ampleforth. April 22nd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

April 24th, 1948

April 29th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Harrow. March 15th, 1948

March 16th, 1948

March 18th, 1948

March 24th, 1948

March 26th, 1948

April 6th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. March 16th, 1948

March 18th, 1948

March 20th, 1948

March 27th, 1948

April 22nd, 1948

April 23rd, 1948

April 24th, 1948

April 28th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Malvern. February 25th, 1948

February 28th, 1948

March 15th, 1948

March 18th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. March 19th, 1948

March, 1948

To the Headmaster of St Benedict’s, Ealing. March 30th, 1948

April 9th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Tonbridge. March 30th, 1948

March 31st, 1948

To the Headmaster of Eton. April 22nd, 1948

To the Manager of the Albert Hall. April 22nd, 1948

April 26th, 1948

To the Warden of Radley. April 23rd, 1948

To the Headmaster of Winchester. March 15th, 1948

March 16th, 1948

The Daily Worker, April 13th, 1948. A Language Ban

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. April 13th, 1948

The Daily Worker, May 3rd, 1948. Textbooks

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. April 14th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. April 15th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. April 13th, 1948

To Mr V. Prager of News Review. April 19th, 1948

To the Headmaster of Selhurst School. April 13th

News Review, April 22nd, 1948. WHO IS ROCHESTER SNEATH?

MYSTERY DEEPENS

H. Rochester Sneath, MA, L-es-L, passes on

Отрывок из книги

TWENTY-SIX YEARS AGO, when I was an undergraduate at Cambridge, I invented a public school. It was called Selhurst and its headmaster bore the name of H. Rochester Sneath.

This fictitious school was intended to be a minor but respectable school in what one might term the third league, as public schools go. Mr Rochester Sneath was an unusual, not to say eccentric, headmaster and if the readers of this book trace a resemblance between him and Dr Fagan of Evelyn Waugh’s Decline and Fall they would not be altogether wrong, since I had recently read this masterpiece and still believe it to be, of its kind, the best book that Evelyn Waugh ever wrote.

.....

Should you wish any further information, I should be glad to furnish it for I could not wish another Headmaster to undergo the purgatory that I suffered that term.

I am staying for some days with my sister Mrs Harvey-Kelly at Castle Brae, Chesterton, Cambridge and I would be grateful if you would reply to this address.

.....

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