Hard Cuddles

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James Harding. Hard Cuddles

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I dedicate this book to my sister, Elles.

One of the strongest and most supportive women in my life.

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What I can say is that life was never dull, there was always action. Not for the faint-hearted, this style of living, because it can all change in an instant. Momentum can shift very quickly. I found myself at rock bottom and I mean rock bottom.

It is soul destroying, being controlled like that, knowing you don’t have the willpower to defeat a substance, even if you wanted to. You fool yourself that you can quit when you want to, but deep down you know damn well it has you by the balls. When you get on, you have fleeting moments of clarity; you might be able to transport yourself to a happy moment from the past. For me it was always my childhood, I would go to happier days at the beach or on holidays up north, always with my family. I would be overwhelmed with the happiness I had experienced a long time ago. Then as close as it was, it would wear off and the dark abyss would engulf my being like a pack of hyenas. More, I would need more, anything to keep that feeling at bay, even for another sliver of time.

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