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Acknowledgments
The Moment That Changed Everything
A Lifelong Dream
Options
Inequality
The Diagnostic Dance
One Last Option
The Gift of Hope
It Was My Time
Team Cancun, Here I Come
The Waiting Game
The Aftermath
Unadulterated Shame
Support
Things That Would Have Been Nice to Know
Collateral Damage of Healthcare Giants
Happy Un-Mother’s Day
Moving Forward
Love Letters
We do not remember days, We remember moments. Cesare Pavese
Sleep was my adversary. I tossed and turned in bed in my home-away-from-home. Covers on, covers off, covers on. I fluffed my pillows. I adjusted the air conditioner from cooling to fan to cooling. In anxious anticipation I finally gave up trying to sleep at 4:23 a.m. I flipped through what few mindless English-language programs I could find on my otherwise Spanish-speaking television. I paced. I journaled. I sent emails. I prayed.
.....
Despite my increasing panic, I focused on the ceiling and tried to fall into a pattern of deep breathing, but that was difficult because of the pressure on and inside my abdomen. I closed my eyes in an attempt to shut out Dr. Ortiz’s Spanish instructions to my nurse. At that point, I just wanted it to be over.
I tried to remain physically relaxed through the discomfort and pressure. Imagine a painful Pap smear done through your cervix. There was a momentary pinch and a few minutes of pressure, both internal and external. Then, it was over.
.....