Idle Ideas in 1905

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Jerome Klapka Jerome. Idle Ideas in 1905

ARE WE AS INTERESTING AS WE THINK WE ARE?

SHOULD WOMEN BE BEAUTIFUL?

WHEN IS THE BEST TIME TO BE MERRY?

DO WE LIE A-BED TOO LATE?

SHOULD MARRIED MEN PLAY GOLF?

ARE EARLY MARRIAGES A MISTAKE?

DO WRITERS WRITE TOO MUCH?

SHOULD SOLDIERS BE POLITE?

OUGHT STORIES TO BE TRUE?

CREATURES THAT ONE DAY SHALL BE MEN

HOW TO BE HAPPY THOUGH LITTLE

SHOULD WE SAY WHAT WE THINK, OR THINK WHAT WE SAY?

IS THE AMERICAN HUSBAND MADE ENTIRELY OF STAINED GLASS

DOES THE YOUNG MAN KNOW EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING?

HOW MANY CHARMS HATH MUSIC, WOULD YOU SAY?

THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN! NEED IT BE SO HEAVY?

WHY DIDN’T HE MARRY THE GIRL?

WHAT MRS. WILKINS THOUGHT ABOUT IT

SHALL WE BE RUINED BY CHINESE CHEAP LABOUR?

HOW TO SOLVE THE SERVANT PROBLEM

WHY WE HATE THE FOREIGNER

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Pretty women are going to have a hard time of it later on. Hitherto, they have had things far too much their own way. In the future there are going to be no pretty girls, for the simple reason there will be no plain girls against which to contrast them. Of late I have done some systematic reading of ladies’ papers. The plain girl submits to a course of “treatment.” In eighteen months she bursts upon Society an acknowledged beauty. And it is all done by kindness. One girl writes:

“Only a little while ago I used to look at myself in the glass and cry. Now I look at myself and laugh.”

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In future years there will be no need for a young man to look about him for a wife; he will take the nearest girl, tell her his ideal, and, if she really care for him, she will go to the shop and have herself fixed up to his pattern. In certain Eastern countries, I believe, something of this kind is done. A gentleman desirous of adding to his family sends round the neighbourhood the weight and size of his favourite wife, hinting that if another can be found of the same proportions, there is room for her. Fathers walk round among their daughters, choose the most likely specimen, and have her fattened up. That is their brutal Eastern way. Out West we shall be more delicate. Match-making mothers will probably revive the old confession book. Eligible bachelors will be invited to fill in a page: “Your favourite height in women,” “Your favourite measurement round the waist,” “Do you like brunettes or blondes?”

The choice will be left to the girls.

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