I Will Find You: In Search of the Man Who Raped Me
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Joanna Connors. I Will Find You: In Search of the Man Who Raped Me
I Will Find You. JOANNA CONNORS
Copyright
Author’s Note
CHAPTER ONE “Be it remembered”
CHAPTER TWO “If I have to go to prison, I’ll miss you”
CHAPTER THREE. I want this written on my body
CHAPTER FOUR. She’s gone
CHAPTER FIVE. The Wino
CHAPTER SIX “Do not blurt it out”
CHAPTER SEVEN “He seized her tongue”
CHAPTER EIGHT “It’s just the law”
CHAPTER NINE “I’ve talked to Johnny. He knows people.”
CHAPTER TEN “I can’t yell at the pillow”
CHAPTER ELEVEN. The question
CHAPTER TWELVE. The answer
CHAPTER THIRTEEN “It’s better than TV”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN “Once in a while I think of things too bad to talk about”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN. Crossing the border
CHAPTER SIXTEEN “David was the biggest mystery”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN “If I hadn’t been so stupid”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN “I try to wipe it from my memory”
CHAPTER NINETEEN “I was so scared of men”
CHAPTER TWENTY. A diamond in the rough
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE. The Death House
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO. Digging up DAVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE “Why do you want to know anything more?”
Acknowledgments
About the Author
About the Publisher
Отрывок из книги
For Dan and Zoe, beloved And for Chris, who went through it with me
“Rashomon effect” has become shorthand for the way perspective can alter memory. Neuroscientific research suggests that memory is not solid. It is capricious and highly susceptible to outside influence, and changes with each retrieval from the brain.
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After that she didn’t remember, and I didn’t, either. I probably said an awkward and pause-filled version of, “I was raped when I was thirty years old, on a college campus, and it scares me that you’re going to college.” That’s what I know I felt: I had to tell her what had happened to me as a kind of magical insurance policy, so it would never happen to her.
We both remember that she started crying, almost instantly. Not the vocal kind of crying, but the kind she inherited from me, silent and stricken, our chins trembling and our eyes filling with tears until they spill over and run down our cheeks.
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