Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improve Your Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
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John Gray. Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improve Your Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE. WHY MARS AND VENUS COLLIDE
Our Differences Are Intensified by Stress
Why We Are Stressed
Women Want Men to Become Like Women
How to Ask for a Man’s Support
Realistic Expectations Lead to Real Love
Why Women Need Men
CHAPTER TWO. HARDWIRED TO BE DIFFERENT
Radically Different Responses to Stress
Skills Are Different on Mars and Venus
Why Our Brains Developed Differently
Single Focus on Mars / Multitasking on Venus
White Matter vs. Gray Matter
Why Talk Is Big on Venus
Math vs. Feelings
Our Brains Differ in Response to Danger
Why Women Never Forget a Quarrel
Depth of Feeling
Creating Harmony
CHAPTER THREE. STRESS HORMONES FROM MARS AND VENUS
Adrenaline and Cortisol—The Red-Alert Hormones
Another Costly Side Effect of Elevated Stress Hormones
Hormones Are from Heaven
The King of Hormones
Achieving, Appreciation, and Success
Making Testosterone at Home
Oxytocin, the Cuddle Hormone
The Most Stressful Time of a Woman’s Day
Fight or Flight
Tend and Befriend
How Stress Takes Its Toll on Women
Stress and Sex
Hormones Make All the Difference
CHAPTER FOUR. A WOMAN’S NEVER-ENDING TO-DO LIST
The Real Reason Women Are Tired
Body Type and Stress
How Not to Deal with a Woman in Stress
How to Get Help from Mars
Giving Less to Get More
When Sacrifice Is Good
Making a Man Happy Is Easier Than You Think
CHAPTER FIVE. THE 90/10 SOLUTION
Letting Him Top Her Off
One Hundred Ways for a Woman to Create Oxytocin on Her Own
Scoring Points on Venus
Ways for Him to Fill Up Her Oxytocin Tank
One Hundred Ways a Man Can Raise a Woman’s Oxytocin Levels
The Nuances of a Woman’s Scoring System
The Importance of Talking
Men Are Just Desserts
CHAPTER SIX. MR. FIX-IT AND THE HOME IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE
Mr. Fix-It at Work
Men Are Sprinters When It Comes to Domestic Chores
The Home Improvement Committee
When the Home Improvement Committee Focuses on Him
Men and Shopping
CHAPTER SEVEN. THE ANATOMY OF A FIGHT
What We Fight About
Why Arguments Escalate
We Always Need Reassurance
Fourteen Common Mistakes Women Make in a Fight
Fourteen Common Mistakes Men Make in a Fight
How Men Can Avoid Fights
FIGHTING ON MARS
How Women Can Avoid Fights
FIGHTING ON VENUS
Mixing Feelings with Problem Solving
CHAPTER EIGHT. HOW TO STOP FIGHTING AND MAKE UP
Taking Time Out to Avoid Fights
HOW TO DECLARE A TIME-OUT
When a Woman Takes a Time-Out
What a Woman Should Consider During a Time-Out
When a Man Takes a Time-Out
What a Man Should Consider During a Time-Out
The Rules of Fight Avoidance
Restoring Harmony
Scheduling a Mars Meeting
Venus Talks Part I
Resisting the Need to Tell All
Warning: Dysfunctional Behaviors Are Not Gender Differences
How to Make Up
CHAPTER NINE. TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS IN A FIGHT-FREE ZONE
Talking about Feelings at All the Wrong Times
Creating Time for a Woman to Talk about How She Feels
Venus Talks, Part II
Claire’s Bad Day
How Venus Talks Work
Women Who Don’t Talk Enough
Scheduling Venus Talks
Using the Venus Talking Points
The Venus Talking Points
Following the Basic Guidelines
Why Venus Talks Work for Him
Men and Feelings
CHAPTER TEN. LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES
How to Fill Up Your Tank
Fostering Your Inner Life
Look to Yourself
Look to Spiritual and Inspirational Support
Look to Your Priorities
Look to Individual Therapy or Life Coaching
Building a Network of Support
Look to Family Members
Look to Your Friendships
Look to Your Work and Coworkers
Look to a Mentor
Look to Some Kind of Support Group
Look to Other Couples
Living Well
Look to What You Eat, How You Exercise, and How Much You Sleep
Look to Your Schedule
Look to Rest, Recreation, Hobbies, and Vacations
Look to Special Community Occasions
Look to Continuing Your Education
Look to Unconditional Support for Children, the Underprivileged, or a Pet
Look to Books, Movies, Theater, Art, and TV
Look to Outside Help to Relieve the Stress
You Have Everything You Need, and You Always Did
APPENDIX A. REDUCING STRESS THROUGH CELLULAR CLEANSING
APPENDIX B. CREATING THE BRAIN CHEMICALS OF HEALTH, HAPPINESS, AND ROMANCE
APPENDIX C. MARS VENUS COACHING AND COUNSELING
CONCLUSION. CREATING A LIFETIME OF LOVE
Ways to Ask for Romance
Love Conquers All
Inner Fulfillment
Doing What Works
Saying Good-Bye to Romance
Realizing What Is Most Important
The Many Mysteries of the Opposite Sex
Sharing Your Heart with Others
SOURCES
VISIT THE ONLINE WORLD OF JOHN GRAY & MARS VENUS
Copyright
About the Publisher
Отрывок из книги
Also by John Gray
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
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Most men appreciate a beautiful and orderly home, yet they can easily return to an untended house and simply relax while watching TV. In his world, relaxing comes before tending to the home. After a long day at work, a man takes a deep breath and begins to relax at just the thought of going home. When a woman returns home, her stress levels go up. Every cell in her body says, “This house must be cleaned up before we can relax.”
Even if she wanted to rest, she couldn’t. Her mind is too busy with standards that she must uphold. This is also true of women who do not work outside the home. In a woman’s mind, there is a long to-do list. Until it is finished, it is very hard for her to rest, relax, or do something simply because she enjoys it.
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