Olympian Nights
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Оглавление
John Kendrick Bangs. Olympian Nights
Olympian Nights
Table of Contents
ILLUSTRATIONS
OLYMPIAN NIGHTS
I
I Reach Mount Olympus
II
I Seek Shelter and Find It
III
The Elevator Boy
IV
I Summon a Valet
V
The Olympian Links
VI
In the Dining-Room
VII
Æsculapius, M.D
VIII
At the Zoo
IX
Some Account of the Palace of Jupiter
X
An Extraordinary Interview
XI
A Royal Outing
XII
I am Dismissed
Отрывок из книги
John Kendrick Bangs
Published by Good Press, 2019
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"I know what I will do," I said to myself. "I'll make friends with the chief himself. That's the best plan. If he is responsive, my family will be spared the necessity of receiving one of my ears by mail with a delicate request for $20,000 ransom, accompanied by a P.S. enclosing the other ear to emphasize the importance of the complication."
By way of diversion, let me say here that, while slicing off the victim's ear is a staple situation among novelists who write of bandits, in all my experience with bandits—and I have known a thousand, most of 'em in Wall Street—I have never known it done, and I challenge those who write of South European highway-robbers to produce any evidence to prove that the habit is prevalent. The idea is, on the face of it, invalid. The ears of mankind, despite certain differences which are acknowledged, are, after all, very much alike. The point that differentiates one ear from another is the angle at which it is set from the head. The angle, according to the most scientific students of the organ of hearing, is the basis of the estimate of the individual. Therefore, to convince the wealthy persons at home that large sums of money are expected of them to preserve the life of the father of the family, the truly expert bandit must send something besides the ear itself, which, when cut off, has no angle whatsoever. If I, who am no bandit, and who have not studied the art of the banditti, may make a suggestion which may prove valuable to the highwaymen of Italy and Greece, the only sure method of identifying the individual lies in the cutting off of the head of the victim, by which means alone the identity of the person to be ransomed may be settled beyond all question. As one who has suffered, I will say that I would not send a check for $20,000 to a bandit on the testimony of one ear any more than I would lend a man ten dollars on his own representation as to the meals he had not had, the drinks he wanted, or the date upon which he would pay it back.
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