Tango

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Justin Vivian Bond. Tango

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RECENTLY, AT THE AGE OF FORTY-SIX, I WAS scheduled to do a series of performances at the Sydney Opera House. In preparation for my trip, I asked a friend of mine for some Ambien for the horrible jet lag I anticipated having after the twenty-four-hour journey. He threw in a few Adderall, which he told me would help me wake up and give me energy during the day. I’ve never really been one for uppers—too many of my friends went crazy in the ’90s on crystal meth so I’ve always shied away from stimulants. But one night, I was expected at a dinner party. Since I was tired and a bit anxious I decided to give the Adderall a try just to see what would happen. I found myself much calmer, and focused.

I was raised that if you have a headache you wait awhile to see if it goes away before you take an aspirin. You only go to the doctor when you are very sick, and you don’t buy new shoes until you’ve worn out the old ones. So even though I felt better on Adderall, I wasn’t sure what I should do about it.

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