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Kelly DuPée. Turn it Up!
Turn It Up! endorsements
Turn it Up!
Table of contents
To my loving wife Carrie
Turn It Up! Foreword
Introduction - Why you need to read this book!
Part One Connection
CHAPTER ONE. THE CONNECTION QUESTION “How’s our Connection?”
How divorces develop
The connection question
Connections must be monitored
What do you want?
Three stages of marriage
A strong connection produces a quality marriage
You were created to connect
Marrying your soul-mate does not mean you will have a strong connection
Maintaining your connection
Conclusion
With each other:
Part Two. Five Commitments to Make
CHAPTER TWO. COMMITMENT # 1 – Become One with each other
God’s plan for marriage
Becoming one requires leaving home
Parents must let go
It starts with acceptance
Make decisions together
Win/win or win/lose
Learn to like each other
Develop shared interests
Four Categories of Activities
Develop Good Friendships
Becoming One Sexually
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER THREE. COMMITMENT #2 Prioritize, care for and protect your connection
Prioritize your connection
Be proactive
Care for your connection by committing to it
Care for your connection by establishing trust
Trust comes from telling the truth
Trust comes from transparency
Respect
Wives have the power to make their husbands feel respected
Show respect by being sensitive
Show respect by giving freedom
Protect your connection from outside influences
Avoid emotional intimacy with others
Be careful online
Avoid pornography
Overcoming sexual addiction
Feed your connection regularly
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER FOUR. COMMITMENT #3 Demonstrate your love for each other
Loving is giving
Be a Servant
Actions, not just words
Take on household tasks
Do what you say you will do
Do extra things just because
It’s not what, but how
Speak your spouse’s love language
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER FIVE. COMMITMENT #4 Keep learning how to turn it up
Realize you do not know it all
Learn from your Experiences
Learn from Others
Invest in yourself – buy wisdom
Learn New Skills
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER SIX. COMMITMENT #5 Love God and ask him for help
God created you and wants to bless you
God is the author of love
When you sin against your spouse, you sin against God
Abundant Life
Crazy ways of responding to God’s love for you
Earn it by doing good deeds
I must change first
Compare yourself with others
A - Admit you cannot save yourself
B - Believe that Jesus paid the price
C - Call upon Jesus
How to grow in your connection with God
Read the Bible
Pray
What to pray for
Expect God to answer your prayers
Follow the Bible
Church
Serve others
Listen to God’s voice
Conclusion
With each other:
Part Three. Five Skills to Learn
CHAPTER SEVEN. SKILL #1 Share your feelings
Three Levels of Communication
It’s Hard to Share Feelings
It’s not the right time
It’s too difficult to talk about
It’s hard for my personality type
I do not know how
Do not Give Up
Decide to Share
Use open ended questions
Encourage sharing by using magic words
Be sensitive and supportive
Share, do not tell
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER EIGHT. SKILL #2 Understand each other
Two types of conversations that need understanding
Understanding is challenging because we do not really listen
Understanding is challenging because we respond with judgment
Understanding is challenging because we let our filters get in the way
Let go of your perspective
Learn to validate
How to validate
How to show you understand
Some problems do not require a solution
Why it is not always a question
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER NINE. SKILL #3 Ask for what you need
Asking is hard because we want to be self-sufficient
Admit you have needs
Declare your dependency
Your spouse is not a mind reader
What do you need?
Make SMART requests
Care enough to confront
How to make a request
Allow your spouse to respond
What if they do not do what they promised?
Reasons why we fail to complete requests
Accept reality
Do not be parental
Be grateful
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER TEN. SKILL #4 Express your anger in a healthy way and forgive
Anger is not bad
Two buckets
Anger is an emotion of grief
Discover the real source
Do not generalize
Respond, do not react
Avoid two extremes
Talk about it
Allow your offender to apologize
Make a request
Call a time out if needed
Choose to love
Love is not self-seeking
Love is not easily angered
Love does not keep records
Choose to forgive
Forgiveness is both a decision and a process
Conclusion
With each other:
CHAPTER ELEVEN. SKILL #5 Manage your money together with wisdom
Manage your money together
Disclose everything
Never hide anything
Merge your accounts
Identify your approach to money
Set goals
Track your spending
The 10/10/80 spending plan
10% to you – Emergency Fund and Savings
Live on the remaining 80%
Spend less than you earn
Avoid credit card debt
Use envelopes and pay cash
Learn how to invest
Be a blessing
Conclusion
With each other:
Part Four. Final Thoughts
CHAPTER TWELVE. Conclusion
About the autor
Acknowledgments
Notes
Appendix B. Recommended Reading List
Notas
