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Laura Crawshaw. Taming the Abrasive Manager
Table of Contents
Guide
Pages
Taming the Abrasive Manager. How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace
The Author
Introduction
1 Abrasive Bosses and the Working Wounded
It Only Hurts When I Work
To Kick or Not to Kick
The Costs of Abrasion
A Bleeding Heart Is Born
Working Wounded on the Last Frontier
Armed Defense
2 Boss Whispering
Boss Whispering
My Apprenticeship in Emotional Literacy
My Education Continues
Definitions and Categories
The Adequate Boss
The Annoying Boss
The Abrasive Boss
The Avoidant Boss
The Aberrant Boss
Additional Reflections
Abrasive Boss Identification: A Test
Dick and Jane: A Case of Foot in Mouth
3 Abrasive Boss Behavior: What They Do
Mark
The Big Five
1. Overcontrol
2. Threats
3. Public Humiliation
4. Condescension
5. Overreaction
Aggressive Language
Hostile Humor
Favoritism and Discrimination
Diagnosis: Bastard?
4 Bears, Bosses, and Business: Survival Through Dominance
Laws of the Wild (Workplace)
1. They Just Want to Go About Their Business
2. Their Business Is Survival
3. Dominance Pays
4. They Defend Against Threats to Survival
You’ll Pay If You Get in Their Way
Socratic Whispering
Crusaders for Competence
Actual Aggression Versus Threat Display
5 On the Origins of Abrasion: Why They Do It
Identifying Incompetence: Ducks Versus Quacks
Differential Diagnosis and Treatment of Incompetence: The Adequate Boss Approach
The Abrasive Boss Approach
The Evolution of Abrasion: A Case Study
The Lesson: Survival = Competence at Any Cost
6 Blinder Than Bats: Why They Don’t See
Social Sonar
Accurate Empathy
Perceptive Pedagogy and Empathic Adequacy
7 Why We Don’t Take Bulls (or Bosses) by the Horns
The View from Below
The View from Above
Management’s Mechanisms of Defense
Denial
Displacement
Delay
(Dis)Trust Building
To Flee or Not to Flee
8 Can Bosses Change Their (Blind) Spots?
See Spot Change
Journey of a Greenhorn Boss Whisperer
Straight from the Coworkers’ Mouths
Climate Change
Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way: Evolution of Soft Spots
9 Blinders off: How Management Can Make Them See
Turning a Blind Eye to Abrasion Is Unacceptable and Unethical
Collecting Perceptions
Beware the Hog-Tie Hitch
Presenting Perceptions
Don’t Forget You’re a Threat
Hearing Hearsay
What Works: Presenting Feeling as Fact
Disarming Defenses
Disarming Denial
The ‘‘I Didn’t Say It’’ Denial
The ‘‘I Didn’t Do It’’ Denial
The ‘‘That’s Not What Happened’’ Denial
Disarming Projection
The ‘‘It’s Their Fault’’ Projection
The ‘‘It’s Your Fault’’ Projection
The ‘‘It’s the Company’s Fault’’ Projection
Disarming Rationalization
The ‘‘It’s Necessary’’ Rationalization
The ‘‘It’s Noble’’ Rationalization
The ‘‘It’s Common’’ Rationalization
Disarming Miscellaneous Defensive Dodges
10 Limits on: How Management Can Make Them Care
Next: Limits on
Making the Business Case
Threatening Consequences for Continued Abrasion
For Every Action There Will Be a Reaction
We’re Doing This for Your Own Good
The Case for Early Intervention
11 Risky Business: Taming the Boss You Work for or with
Arctic Anxiety
Defense Disclaimer
Five Strategies for Subordinates and Peers
The Soothe Strategy
The Reverse Threat Display
The ‘‘That’s Not What Happened’’ Denial
The ‘‘It’s Your Fault’’ Projection
The ‘‘It’s Necessary’’ Rationalization
The Abrasion Alert: Making Management See
The Abrasion Alarm: Making Management Care
Mass Mutiny
12 The Choice to Change: Will the Horse Drink?
Two Stories
13 Ending Unnecessary Roughness: Preventing Workplace Abrasion
With Respect to Respect
Curing Conduct Disorders: A Prescription
Develop a Code of Conduct
Communicate the Code
Live the Code
Enforce the Code
A Final Note
Appendix Are You Abrasive? (Self-Test)
Scoring
Recommendations
References
Index
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Laura Crawshaw
Business & Management Series
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Degree in hand, I moved to Seattle with the plan of paying my dues by working in respected settings and eventually opening a private practice to treat emotionally disturbed children. To that end I enrolled in the Child Therapy Certificate Program of the Seattle Institute for Psychoanalysis, where I was privileged to be clinically supervised by Edith Buxbaum, a student of Anna Freud. After two years of seeing patients in a community mental health clinic and working nights as an emergency room social worker in a major trauma center, I experienced two revelations. First, I realized that if I were to become a private practitioner, I would have to sit in a room, inside, all day, every day. Whoa— this heart not only bled, it wandered as well. The prospect of being cooped up in the same clinical stall every day made me want to hightail it out of there. Second, it became clear to me that Seattle was overrun with psychotherapists—I’d have to wait until a fair number of them dropped dead before I could have any hope of opening a viable practice. I’m not the deathwatch type, and beyond this, I was (and still am) a total tourist—I lusted to explore the wider world beyond the four walls of a clinical office. So I heeded the call of the wild, purchased a ferry ticket north to Alaska, and bolted. There were jobs aplenty in the Last Frontier, and who knew what other experiences awaited?
Within a week of my arrival, I was hired as the first full-time clinician in the first stand-alone employee assistance program (EAP) in the state, embarking on the greatest adventures any tenderfoot clinician could hope for. EAPs provide confidential counseling services to employees and eligible family members experiencing problems in their personal or work lives. Our initially tiny company eventually provided counseling to Alaskan employees (and family members) of over 600 corporations throughout the state. I was trucked up and down the Alaska pipeline in –70◦F (–56◦C) temperatures to explain the benefits of EAP counseling to pump station employees and helicoptered out to Bering Sea drill rigs to deliver the same message to exhausted roustabouts. Back at the office igloo I counseled employees on the problems they experienced at work and home, learning that shooting a spouse’s sled dogs was a reliable indicator of marital distress in Alaska. Another indicator of marital peril lay in the discovery by one newlywed that her gun-loving, hard-drinking husband’s past two wives were buried on her new love’s wilderness homestead. I referred unwilling addicted air traffic controllers into substance abuse treatment and helped wildlife biologists cope with their fears of flying. It was truly the Last Frontier—right down to the guns.
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