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Литагент HarperCollins USD. Girl On The Net: My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets
Contents
1. I didn’t listen to the lyrics of ‘Teenage Kicks’ because I was far too busy masturbating
2. Sometimes it is necessary to give someone crisps so that they’ll grope you
3. Apparently there are things you can do with a boyfriend that don’t involve sex
4. Life would be much easier if we didn’t have any of these pesky ’emotions’ to contend with
5. How do you solve a problem like a guy who’s not bothered about fucking you?
6. You rarely hear about how the star-cross’d lovers fucked loudly in the toilets
7. Why do all the Rorschach ink blots look like dicks?
8. In porn, no one can hear you scream ‘why can’t I get the top off this bottle of lube?’
9. Whatever it is that women want, I’m certain it’s something more competent than this
10. A brief interlude in which we discover that I am not exactly a talented seductress
11. Fulfilling my fantasies is only possible because of the pioneering work of Tim Berners-Lee
12. No one ever called Christian Grey an ‘irritating cockbag’
13. There ain’t no party like an awkward sex party
14. In which we confirm our suspicion that Girl on the Net is actually a total arsehole
15. Dear All the Men on the Internet: you complete me
16. I like my men like I like my coffee: in my mouth first thing in the morning
17. Apparently coprophilia is not an acceptable topic for date conversation
18. So I accidentally had sex with a few more dudes
19. Do chips really taste better if you nick them from someone else’s plate?
20. Love is like a box of chocolates: eventually it makes you feel a bit sick
Epilogue: If you’re fucked up and you know it, clap your hands
Отрывок из книги
I’m Girl on the Net. You might know me from my blog. This is some stuff I do with my life.
Why did I write an erotic memoir?
.....
My obsession was still with the word ‘thrash’, and derivatives of it, and the stories in my head were far more tailored to this personal quirk.
One guy directs them all. He tells them this girl is good, that they’ll all get a chance, but that he has to punish her first.
.....
