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ESTATE PLANNING THROUGH FAMILY MEETINGS (without breaking up the family)
Introduction
1. Addressing Difficult Topics
1. Troublesome Topics That Need to Be Discussed
1.1 Mental incapacity
1.2 Money and insurance
1.3 Wills and dying
2. Are You the Right Person to Bring up the Troublesome Topics?
2. Why Don’t People Plan, and What Can You Do about That?
1. Not Knowing Where to Start
2. Not Knowing What It Will Cost
3. Believing That Estate Planning Is Only for Rich People
4. Thinking They Do Not Need to Plan, Based on Anecdotes
5. Being Too Busy
6. Not Wanting to Give up Control
7. Not Knowing How to Hold a Family Meeting
8. There Is No Consensus on What to Do
9. Privacy Concerns
10. Superstition
3. What Are the Consequences of Not Planning?
1. Lawsuits
2. Damaged Family Relationships
3. Delays in the Administration of an Estate
4. Financial Loss, Fraud, or Financial Mismanagement
5. Family Business May Be Damaged or Destroyed
6. Paying Too Much Tax
7. Likelihood That More Intrusive Help Will Be Needed Later
8. More Emotional Upheaval
9. Fewer Options as Capacity Diminishes
10. Are Some Situations More Urgent Than Others?
4. Talking to Your Parents
1. Make the Subject Less Negative
2. Be Prepared for a Reaction
3. What Not to Say
4. Create a Safe Environment
5. The More You Talk, the Easier It Gets
6. Agree to Try Things
7. How to Bring up Incapacity
5. What to Say or Do to Get Your Parents Motivated and Moving
1. Celebrity Estates
2. Messy Estate of Someone You Know
3. Life Event Triggers
3.1 Sudden illness
3.2 Going into long-term care
3.3 Funeral of a family member or friend
3.4 Getting married (again) later in life
3.5 Losing mental faculties
3.6 Friend moves in with his or her adult children
4. Do Your Own Planning
4.1 Blame it on your lawyer
5. Travel
6. Help with Research
7. Reassurance
6. Acting without a Parent’s Agreement
1. In the Parent’s Best Interest
2. What to Do to Reduce Stress
3. Legal Authority
7. Why Hold a Family Meeting?
1. Ensure That Your Parent’s Wishes are Known, Understood, and Respected
2. Document the Wishes Properly and Legally
3. Ease Anxieties
4. Find Tax-Advantageous Solutions
5. Preserve and Pass on Family Business or Farm
6. Maintain Family Harmony
8. How to Say What Needs to Be Said in a Family Meeting
1. Prepare Ahead
1.1 Make an agenda
Sample 1: Agenda
1.2 Decide who is to lead the meeting
1.3 Invite the right people
1.4 Make sure everyone is clear on the date, time, and place
1.5 Prepare the room
2. Don’t Wait until a Problem Arises
3. Admit Your Own Concerns and Fears
4. Don’t Bring up Past Conflicts and Sore Spots Needlessly
5. Be a Good Listener
6. Take Notes
Sample 2: Taking Meeting Notes
7. Agree to Investigate the Options
9. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: Discovering the Current Situation
1. Set the Ground Rules for the Meeting
2. Understand the Current Situation
3. Who Is Already Involved?
4. Current Health Concerns
10. What Should Be Covered in a Family Meeting: Planning for the Future
1. What Happens when One Parent Dies?
2. What Happens when Both Parents Have Died?
3. What Happens If One Parent Suffers Incapacity?
4. What Other Living Arrangements Might Have to Be Made?
Table 1: Living Arrangements for Aging Parents
5. How Will Long-Term Care Be Funded?
6. How Will Retirement Be Funded?
7. What Happens If a Child Predeceases a Parent?
8. Succession Planning for the Family Business or Farm
9. Family Trusts
10. Who Will Be the Executor and/or Attorney?
11. Which Advisors to Use
12. Tax Implications
13. Address the Problem Areas
14. How Will Reporting or Follow-up Be Done?
11. What Happens after the Meeting?
1. Review Meeting Notes
2. Review Tasks
3. Set up Appointments
4. Get Documents into Place
5. Do Necessary Research or Get Documentation
6. Put Some Solutions into Place
7. Have a Follow-up Meeting or Report to the Group
12. Possible Financial Solutions That Might Be Discussed at Your Family Meeting
1. Assets in Joint Names
2. Bare Trusts
3. Wills
4. Enduring Power of Attorney
5. Inter Vivos Trusts
6. Custodial Types of Accounts
7. Court-Appointed Trustee
8. Written Business Succession Plan
9. Selling the Business
10. Informal Trusteeship
11. Beneficiary Designation
13. Possible Nonfinancial Solutions That Might Be Discussed at Your Family Meeting
1. Health-Care Directive
2. Court-Appointed Guardian
3. Downsizing the Home
4. Move into Long-Term Care
5. Renovations to Your Parent’s Home
6. Live-in Caregiver
7. Arrange for Paid Services
8. Move in with Children
9. Family Care Contract
10. Representation Agreement
Conclusion
Sample 3: Identify the Right Solutions for Your Family
Download Kit
Dedication
About the Author
Notice to Readers
Self-Counsel Press thanks you for purchasing this ebook
Contents
Have you ever tried to bring up a sensitive topic with someone who simply did not want to talk about it? You feel like you have to force a conversation on someone because you really think he or she needs to know something important, but it seems impossible. The person is unhappy about it and you are uncomfortable and the whole thing ends up being an argument or creating a scene. Almost everyone has been in that situation once or twice, and almost everyone wishes they knew a better way to deal with it.
Talking to your parents about difficult topics has an extra dimension of difficulty simply because they are your parents. Most of us were raised to respect our parents and not to question their judgment about how they live their lives. It can be a lot easier for a parent to shut down an unwanted conversation than it is for other people, just by drawing on authority as your mother or father.
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Whoever is chosen as executor should be aware that he or she has been appointed. If your parents want to appoint you or one of your siblings, they should let you know before they sign their wills. This is something that can be talked about at a family meeting.
A wills discussion will also cover the distribution of the estate, which refers to who will inherit the parents’ assets after they pass away. This is, of course, where most of the disputes arise with estates, and it is an area in which many parents take great care to craft an arrangement that is fair to everyone, in their view.
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