Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)

Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)
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Sometimes in life you say certain words in conjunction with other words that you normally wouldn't, such as the word «holy» and the word «shit.» Those times are rare and celebrated. Well, get your face hole ready, because this is one of those times: introducing The Alphabet of Manliness: Special Edition! If it's a crime to be awesome, then I deserve three life sentences and the death penalty. This literary kick to the dick may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. The new edition includes: • «The Numbers of Manliness.» • A full-color insert • Corrections to typos! I, Maddox, the author, personally guarantee that this is the best edition of the book since the last one. This book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged sons of bitches out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to pick up a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted or busting balls alike. If you can't handle the punch to the colon I'm about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you'll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.

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Maddox. Alphabet of Manliness (revised and updated)

THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS

MADDOX

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Contents

FOREWORD

A is for…ASS-KICKING

B is for…BONERS

C is for…COPPING A FEEL

D is for…TAKING A DUMP

E is for…ENLIGHTENMENT

F is for…FEMALE WRESTLING

G is for…GAS

H is for…HOT SAUCE

I is for…IRATE

J is for…BEEF JERKY

K is for…KNOCKERS

L is for…LUMBERJACK

M is for…METAL

N is for…CHUCK NORRIS

O is for…OBEDIENCE

P is for…PIRATES

Q is for…QUICKIE

R is for…ROAD RAGE

S is for…SNEAKING A PEEK

T is for…TAUNTING

U is for…URINAL ETIQUETTE

V is for…VIOLENCE

W is for…WINNER

X is for…XXX

Y is for…YELLING

Z is for…ZOMBIES

616 is for…THE MANLIEST NUMBER IN THE UNIVERSE

3 is for…THE NUMBER OF ASSHOLES YOUR DOG SHOULD HAVE

2 is for…THE NUMBER OF FISTS IT TAKES TO WIN AN ARGUMENT

4 is…THE UNMANLIEST NUMBER IN HISTORY

12 is…THE NUMBER OF CIGARETTES KIDS SHOULD SMOKE EVERY DAY

26 is…THE NUMBER OF THE MANLIEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY, THEODORE ROOSEVELT

45 is…THE NUMBER OF TIMES I’VE LAUGHED WHILE READING STORIES ABOUT SIDS (SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME)

0 is for…THE NUMBER OF PETS YOU SHOULD OWN IF YOU’RE HOMELESS

EPILOGUE

Illustrator Index

Photographic Insert

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1. Or good grades, depending on your mood.

Illustrations by

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Illustrator Index

Photographic Insert

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