Trapped In Between

Trapped In Between
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Описание книги

An inspirational true story of my life as an only child; and my HEALING from years of sexual abuse, anxiety, major depression, suicidal thoughts, multiple personalities, panic attacks, agoraphobia, PTSD, and essential tremor.<br><br>Did you know that there are over 99 different after-effects of sexual abuse?<br><br>I dealt with approximately 75% of those after-effects throughout my life.<br><br>I have carefully outlined and detailed the keys and tools I used to unlock all the trauma.<br><br>The first symptom that grabbed me was fear, when I was under age five. I became shy and withdrawn and only wanted to wrap my arms around my mothers legs and hide in her full skirt. Sucking my thumb was my only comfort when I was alone. Unfortunately, sucking my thumb caused buck teeth that brought on bullying and taunting by the other kids in the neighborhood and in school.<br> <br>The bullying and taunting made me want to be invisible. The shyness was so extreme that I didn&#39;t want to raise my hand in school even when I knew the answer because I would blush and then the teasing from other kids followed. The night terrors began in the fifth grade which included a big black bear which would chase me every night and devour me.<br><br>The urge to be invisible brought on suicidal thoughts in junior high which I knew was wrong but life was just too hard. I obsessively worried about any social interaction especially going to school. I lived for Fridays which would give me at least two days rest. However, the worry returned Saturday night and was with me all Sunday thinking about Monday and returning to school again.<br><br>Life as a teenager was difficult at home because Mom was displaying odd behaviors. She believed that people were watching her through the television and heat ducts. I wanted to help my mom but I didn&#39;t know how. Dad was my buddy.<br><br>In the tenth grade an extreme explosion happened inside of me in the school lunchroom . I later learned that the correct terminology was panic attack. I rarely took lunches again around other people for fear of another panic attack. <br><br>After high school graduation I moved out on my own still suffering from panic attacks, anxiety, obsessive worry, and major depression. Every year my problems got worse and worse and worse and I didn&#39;t know why.<br><br>Finally I gathered all my courage together and sought help. After many unsuccessful sessions with doctors and counselors, I found one who actually helped me. He taught me tools and tips to deal with all my present issues. The healing didn&#39;t start until repressed memories revealed themselves to me at the age of 37. Confronting my abusers started me on a path of true healing.<br><br>Today I live a life filled with Peace and Joy and Happiness, and I want everyone that has ever suffered from trauma to feel the way I do now.

Оглавление

Marilyn Elaine Lundberg Lundberg. Trapped In Between

Chapter One – STICKS & STONES

Chapter Two – DON’T EVEN WHISPER THE WORDS ORAL BOOK REPORT

Chapter Three – THE DARKNESS SETTLES IN

Chapter Four – DON’T FORGET YOUR PENCIL

Chapter Five – SHATTERED DREAMS

Chapter Six – PLEASE LISTEN TO ME

Chapter Seven – MY TELEVISION SPOKE TO ME

Chapter Eight - GOT TO GET ME MORE DRUGS

Chapter Nine – GOD AND I HAVE A SERIOUS TALK

Chapter Ten - A UNIQUE PSYCHOLOGIST

Chapter Eleven – THE NEW TOOLS AND TIPS

Tool #1 - DIAPHRAGMATIC BREATHING

Tool #2 - PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATION

Tool #3 – FIND A SAFE PLACE

Tool #4 - WHAT YOU SAY IS WHAT YOU GET

Tool #5 - SPEAK SLOWLY

Tool #6 – MY WORRY TIME

Tools #7 – SNAP A RUBBER BINDER AND STOP OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS

Tool #8 – CATCHING MALADAPTIVE THOUGHTS

Tool #9 - EAT HEALTHY FOODS

Tool #10 – DISCOVER YOUR PASSION IN LIFE

Tools #11 – TURN YOUR SPOTLIGHT ON TO OTHERS

Tool #12 - BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT

Tool #13 – JOURNAL YOUR THOUGHTS

Tools #14 – TREAT YOURSELF GENTLY

Tool #15 – MAKE APPOINTMENTS WITH YOURSELF TO FACE FEARS

Tool #16 – BUILT- IN SMOKE DETECTOR

Tool #17 – LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH NO REGRETS

Tool #18 – PERFECTIONISM

Tools #19 – BUILD OTHER PEOPLE UP

Tool #20 – SHARE THE SECRET

Tool #21 – EXERCISE IS YOUR FRIEND

Tool #22 – CLEAN YOUR MIND AS YOU CLEAN YOUR HOUSE

Tools #23 – STOP THE ANXIETY

Tools #24 – DON’T EXPECT TO BE DIFFERENT, IF YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THINGS!

Chapter Twelve – THE END OF AN ERA

Chapter Thirteen – THERE WERE NEVER ANY HORSES

Chapter Fourteen - THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

Tool – HOW TO STOP THE DEPERSONALIZATION

Chapter Fifteen – TWO GIFTS FROM HEAVEN

Chapter Sixteen – GODS’ AGORAPHOBIA GROUP

Chapter Seventeen – MIRACLES FROM ABOVE

Chapter Eighteen - GOD NEVER PROMISED ME A ROSE GARDEN

Chapter Nineteen – THE MYSTERY OF THE THREE LEGGED RACE HORSE

Chapter Twenty - TODAY, IN THE YEAR 2016

Chapter Twenty-One – STATISTICS, DEFINITIONS & RESOURCES

FEAR

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS

MENTAL SYMPTOMS

RELATIONSHIP ISSUES

SEXUAL ISSUES

MEMORY

SPIRITUAL

CHILD ABUSE STATISTICS

AGORAPHOBIA

COGNITIVE THERAPY

DEPERSONALIZATION

DEPRESSION

DIAPHRAGMATIC BREATHING

DYSTHYMIA

ENDOMETREOSIS

ESSENTIAL TREMOR

MALADAPTIVE THOUGHTS

NIGHTMARE

NIGHT TERROR

PANIC ATTACKS

WHEN TO SEE A DOCTOR

PROSTITUTION

SCHIZOPHRENIA

SOAP SUDS ENEMA

SOCIAL PHOBIA

SUICIDE RISK AMONG ABUSED CHILDREN

TMJ

THUMB SUCKING

Chapter Twenty-Two - BIBLE VERSES THAT COMFORTED ME

WORRY & ANXIETY

YOUR MIND

BE HAPPY IN THE MOMENT

HIS COMPASSION

BIBLE VERSES REGARDING FEAR

ALWAYS GIVE THANKS

BIBLE VERSES REGARDING DEPRESSION

GOD HAS GREAT PLANS FOR YOU; DON’T GIVE UP!

FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HEALING

JOY

DWELL IN GOD’S HOUSE; MAKE IT YOUR PERMANENT SAFE PLACE!

Отрывок из книги

Now is the precise time in my life for all my dark desolate secrets to be exposed. Assaults that happened behind closed doors need to come into the light and be revealed, even if it has been a half century later. Promises to never tell, need to be smashed. It is finally the perfect time.

The name given to me at birth was Marilyn, after the popular movie star Marilyn Monroe back in the 1950s. I attended William Penn Elementary school in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and when I was eleven years old I began the fifth grade. In recalling that year, I have clear, crisp and concise memories of my experiences, but only a handful of recollections from birth to age ten.

.....

Mom was also educating me regarding facts that didn’t seem quite right to me. If I was on the phone, she would tell me to make my phone call short, because people were listening in on my phone conversations. There used to be a time when we had a party line, but those days were over so I wasn’t sure who she thought was listening. She also said that people were watching us through the heat ducts in the living room and from the television screen. She had extra locks installed on the two doors because she thought window peepers were watching her through our windows. I didn’t think that anyone was watching us, but there was no way for me to know for sure. She also told me to never trust anyone because it wasn’t safe, and not to share any of our personal business with others, it was all a secret.

Confusion surrounded me regarding Mom. She had two very distinct personalities. She could be the sweetest most loving person ever at church or when we visited someone. Sometimes she was sweet to me too, but mostly she ignored me. Most of her time was concentrated on scolding the invisible people that lived with dad and me in our house. My dad and I were the only ones that ever saw her angry side. Mom always had it under control when we left the house. I loved the sweet mom, but was deathly afraid of her dark side.

.....

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