Dateline Smileyville

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Markus Jr. Pell. Dateline Smileyville

ONE: I Get the Nomination(s)

TWO: A 'Positive Thinking' Experiment Gone Awry

THREE: Why This 'Third Party' Will Succeed

FOUR: I'm Just Wild About... Harry?

FIVE: The Real Truth About Pretend Wars

SIX: "The Zorbonites Aren't 'Coming,' Markus - They're Here!"

SEVEN: Local Government 101: Introduction

EIGHT: Mark Twain Lets the Cat Out of the Bag

NINE: The Astonishing Truth About Chester 'Snook' Williams

TEN: "It's Not Fair, Not Fair, NOT FAIR!"

ELEVEN: Local Government 101: Identifying Your Campaign Issues

TWELVE: A Little Bit of This, and a Little Bit of That

THIRTEEN: Of Fake Psychics, and Real Elves

FOURTEEN: Local Government 101: The Campaigns; the Results

FIFTEEN: The Executive Committee Makes an Executive Decision

SIXTEEN: Fifty or so Stars are Born

SEVENTEEN: I Give My 'Cooper Noonan' Speech

EIGHTEEN: Ray Bradbury and the 'Timetwister 2000'

NINETEEN: The Twenty-fourth Time is the Charm

TWENTY: 'A Whole Different Kettle of Fish'

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DATELINE SMILEYVILLE - Howdy, Americans! My name is Markus Pell. I hail from Greening County, which is located just about smack dab in the middle of 'The Mitten,' otherwise known as the Lower Peninsula of Michigan. The county seat of Greening County is also named Greening, and is where I grew up and spent a good chunk of my adult life. But about a dozen years ago, I finally flew the coop and left the security of my hometown, seeking new horizons. My then-teenaged daughter Mellanie (good ol' Mell Pell) and I moved not quite ten miles down the road to Smileyville, the village, which is nestled within the township of the same name. The hours of my life tally up to just about fifty-four years, so far. And I reckon I've spent about ninety-eight percent of those hours here in Greening County. My home. My peeps. Heh.

Here is a curious thing, Americans: I sometimes feel that, although in essence I've spent my life in a square that goes twenty-four miles from east to west and twenty-four more from south to north, I've really traveled about a billion miles and more. Maybe, if you Americans stick with me for awhile, you'll come to see what I mean. Hmm? Oh... the two percent of my life spent outside of Greening County? Well, probably ninety-eight percent of that two percent has been spent up north. Hunting elves, mostly. Not to shoot.

.....

After Lincoln, Dickens and Twain entered my life, I knew there was nothing for it but to invite Harry, too. Even so, it took about two years for me to work up the courage to do so. When I finally did conduct Imaginary Master Mind experiment number two, I followed the same simple process as before, and - nothing. No Harry. I tried 'dialing his number' on several other occasions, too, in case I'd gotten a 'wrong number' or something, but nope. Nobody home. Either that, or Harry just wasn't answering.

And then came a day nearly a year later, early the following summer; I was walking the Smileyville Cab and Courier mascot, Pie, on the trails that run through Greening alongside the Ojibwa River. Pie (as in 'She's as sweet as pumpkin...') is a 'black lab,' very gentle, very smart. I was multitasking, Pie's leash in one hand and a book in the other, and - hmm? What's that? My, you Americans certainly are inquisitive. I was reading Mark Helprin's 'Winter's Tale.' Anyway, we came around a curve and I nearly collided with an elderly but dapper gentleman coming the other direction - and it was Harry! He later confided that he'd have gotten to me sooner, but that he was "taking a 'morning constitutional' and lost track of the time. It happens, Markus, 'time' being what it is on this side of things."

.....