The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten
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Martha Sears. The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten
the good behaviour book. How to have a better-behaved child. from birth to age ten. Dr William Sears and Martha Sears, R.N. Edited by Caroline Deacon
copyright
contents
a word about discipline from dr bill and martha
I promoting desirable behaviour
chapter 1 our approach to discipline
styles of discipline
discipline is therapeutic
consult the experts
discipline’s top ten – an overview of this book
1. Get Connected Early
2. Know Your Child
3. Help Your Child to Respect Authority
4. Set Limits, Provide Structure
5. Expect Obedience
6. Model Discipline
7. Nurture Your Child’s Self-Confidence
8. Shape Your Child’s Behaviour
9. Raise Kids Who Care
10. Talk and Listen
chapter 2 birth to one year: getting connected
martha and matthew – how they got connected
parenting – the key to early discipline
1. Respond to Your Baby’s Cries
2. Breastfeed Your Baby
the body chemistry of attachment
3. Wear Your Baby
4. Play with Your Baby
5. Share Sleep with Your Baby
6. Become a Facilitator
how attachment parenting makes discipline easier
an exercise in sensitivity
synthetic substitutes
connected kids are less accident-prone
the unconnected child
reconnecting
building better-behaved brains
chapter 3 understanding ones, twos, and threes
how toddlers act – and why
growing out of it
guiding little hands
respecting little grabbers
thinking “kid first”
talking with toddlers: what they can understand, what they can’t
developmental discipline
Some challenging behaviours are developmentally correct
Get in “phase” with your child
Respect negative phases
Plan ahead
What is “normal” may not be acceptable
channelling toddler behaviours
distract and divert
helping your child play alone
providing structure
Living room/family room:
Dining room/eating area:
Bathroom:
Kitchen:
Windows and doors:
Miscellaneous:
going from oneness to separateness: behaviours to expect
leaving a baby the right way
becoming interdependent
helping a toddler ease into independence
weaning from attachment
from two to three
discipline gets easier
chapter 4 saying no positively
the importance of saying no
creative alternatives to “no”
mastering “the look”
“the voice”
respectfully, no!
the humour of “no”
making danger discipline stick
negotiate or hold your ground?
mothers who can’t say no
have a “yes” day
chapter 5 taming temper tantrums
why tantrums?
toddler power
preventing tantrums
what to do when the volcano erupts
speak your child’s mind
handling and preventing tantrums in older children
screaming
chapter 6 fathers as disciplinarians
becoming a dad: bill’s story
high priority – high yield
when kids are driving mum crazy
salvaging a bad situation
eight tips to help fathers become disciplinarians
a surprise cleanup
emotional abuse turnaround
daddy-daughter date
gender differences in discipline
dad’s travelling – a survival guide
fathers provide balance
chapter 7 self-esteem: the foundation of good behaviour
ten ways to help children build self-confidence
1. Practise Attachment Parenting
putting humpty-dumpty back together again
2. Improve Your Own Self-Confidence
to tease or not to tease
3. Be a Positive Mirror
4. Play with Your Child
do you owe your child self-esteem?
5. Address Your Child by Name
6. Practise the Carryover Principle
7. Set Your Child Up to Succeed
wall of fame
8. Help Your Child Be Home-Wise Before Street-Smart
keeping a kid-friendly home
9. Monitor School Influences on Your Child
lose labels
10. Give Your Child Responsibilities
helping children like their bodies
chapter 8 helping your child express feelings
feelings: expressing or bottling up?
how to raise an expressive child
please help me!
read between the lines
feeling puppets
chapter 9 making anger work for you
why kids get angry
don’t take it personally
how adult anger affects parenting and discipline
laughter – the best medicine for anger
getting a handle on anger
inner peace
peace for parents
the “angry kid”
lighten up the perfectionist
chapter 10 feeding good behaviour
grazing for good behaviour
foods that bother behaviour
scheduling feedings for discipline
food discipline
tracking down feel-bad foods
chapter 11 sleep discipline
what every parent should know about babies’ nighttime needs*
principles of nighttime discipline
causes of night waking in the older child*
sleep time, make-up time
handling common nighttime discipline problems
The Sleep Fighter
The Procrastinator (The Sleep Fighter, continued)
When a Parent Is Away
the nighttime psychologist
The Midnight Visitor
tuck me in, dad
Night Waking After Mother Returns to Work
Waking Up Too Early
Nighttime Fathering
Refusing to Nap
Letting Your Child Cry It Out
II correcting undesirable behaviour
chapter 12 smacking – no? yes? sometimes?
ten reasons not to hit your child. 1. Hitting Models Hitting
verbal and emotional “hitting”
2. Hitting Devalues the Child
slapping hands
3. Hitting Devalues the Parent
4. Hitting May Lead to Abuse
5. Hitting Does Not Improve Behaviour
6. Hitting Is Actually Not Biblical
spare the rod!
corporal redirection versus corporal punishment
7. Hitting Promotes Anger – in Children and in Parents
8. Hitting Brings Back Bad Memories
9. Smacking Has Bad Long-Term Effects
10. Smacking Doesn’t Work
how to avoid smacking
when you need professional HELP!
the problems with punishment
chapter 13 discipline by shaping behaviour: alternatives to smacking
praise
discipline talk
Connect before you direct
Address the child
Stay brief
Stay simple
Ask your child to repeat your request back to you
Make an offer the child can’t refuse
Be positive
Begin your directives with “I want”
“When … then”
Legs first, mouth second
Give choices
Speak developmentally correctly
Speak socially correctly
Speak psychologically correctly
Write it
Talk the child down
Settle the listener
Replay your message
Let your child complete the thought
Use rhyme rules
Give likable alternatives
Encourage your child to use words instead of body
Give advance notice
Open up a closed child
Use “When you … I feel … because …”
Close the discussion
the art of complimenting
selective ignoring
expect good behaviour
who’s in charge?
time-out
time-out when you’re out
How to Make Time-out Work for You
no nattering
help your child learn that choices have consequences
motivators
Rewards That Work
sometimes humour is the best discipline
Humour surprises
Humour gets jobs done
Humour protects
Humour disarms
Use humour sensitively
reminders
the art of negotiating
holding a family meeting
withdrawing privileges
magic countdowns
chapter 14 breaking annoying habits
steps to breaking habits
thumb-sucking
When Thumb-Sucking Can Be Harmful
thumbs versus dummies
What to Do
chapter 15 disciplining bothersome behaviours
biting, hitting, pushing, kicking
What to Do
dressing discipline
sick child – sick behaviour
supermarket discipline
teaching toothbrushing
facilitating a facewash
whining
clearing up dirty words
soiling pants
name-calling
grumbling
answering back
exciting the unmotivated child
chapter 16 sibling rivalry
introducing a new baby
What to Do
promoting sibling harmony
discouraging sibling disharmony
fighting in front of kids
III discipline for life
chapter 17 morals and manners
raising a moral child
stages of growth for moral growth
Stage 1 – infancy
Stage 2 – toddlerhood
Stage 3 – preschoolers (three to seven years)
Stage 4 – seven to ten years
Stage 5 – preteens and teens
bad impressions
why kids lie – what to do
the age of truth
how to tell if your child is being dishonest
raising a truthful child
encouraging honesty
stealing
What to Do
cheating
healthy guilt
teaching your child to apologize
“excuse me!”
when your child interrupts
teaching manners
telling tales
shifting blame
acknowledge the child
sharing
What You Can Do
teaching life principles through play
a solution to crime
growing a conscience
chapter 18 building healthy sexuality
gender and self-esteem
fostering healthy gender identity
modelling healthy gender roles
curious little bodies
discipline and sexuality
masturbation*
What to Do
parental nudity in the home
call it like it is
chapter 19 discipline for special times and special children
disciplining the hyperactive child
is your child hyperactive?*
softening the aggressive child
labels are loaded
Distractibility
addressing medication worries
“Can’t we try something else before drugs?”
“I worry about my child taking drugs so young.”
“How do these drugs work? Are they safe?”
a gifted child – a gifted adult
Impulsiveness
homework without hassles
monitoring your child
Hyperactivity
disciplining the temperamentally difficult child (aka the high-need child)
water therapy
the need level concept
framing
different discipline for different temperaments
nature and nurture
disciplining the special needs child
welcome to holland
Tips for Disciplining the Special Needs Child
parenting the shy child
What to Do
discipline during family stress
disciplining the fearful child
Helping Your Child Handle Fears
fear therapy
fear can be a clue
discipline following divorce
caregivers as disciplinarians
closing comments putting it all together – a sample discipline plan
step one: set conditions that foster good behaviour
be the adult
step two: correct the undesirable behaviours
make changes gradually
index
If you enjoyed The Good Behaviour Book, check out these other great William Sears and Martha Sears titles
also by the same authors
about the publisher
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Cover
Title Page
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Raising a Moral Child
Why Kids Lie – What to Do
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