The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten

The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten
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Martha Sears. The Good Behaviour Book: How to have a better-behaved child from birth to age ten

the good behaviour book. How to have a better-behaved child. from birth to age ten. Dr William Sears and Martha Sears, R.N. Edited by Caroline Deacon

copyright

contents

a word about discipline from dr bill and martha

I promoting desirable behaviour

chapter 1 our approach to discipline

styles of discipline

discipline is therapeutic

consult the experts

discipline’s top ten – an overview of this book

1. Get Connected Early

2. Know Your Child

3. Help Your Child to Respect Authority

4. Set Limits, Provide Structure

5. Expect Obedience

6. Model Discipline

7. Nurture Your Child’s Self-Confidence

8. Shape Your Child’s Behaviour

9. Raise Kids Who Care

10. Talk and Listen

chapter 2 birth to one year: getting connected

martha and matthew – how they got connected

parenting – the key to early discipline

1. Respond to Your Baby’s Cries

2. Breastfeed Your Baby

the body chemistry of attachment

3. Wear Your Baby

4. Play with Your Baby

5. Share Sleep with Your Baby

6. Become a Facilitator

how attachment parenting makes discipline easier

an exercise in sensitivity

synthetic substitutes

connected kids are less accident-prone

the unconnected child

reconnecting

building better-behaved brains

chapter 3 understanding ones, twos, and threes

how toddlers act – and why

growing out of it

guiding little hands

respecting little grabbers

thinking “kid first”

talking with toddlers: what they can understand, what they can’t

developmental discipline

Some challenging behaviours are developmentally correct

Get in “phase” with your child

Respect negative phases

Plan ahead

What is “normal” may not be acceptable

channelling toddler behaviours

distract and divert

helping your child play alone

providing structure

Living room/family room:

Dining room/eating area:

Bathroom:

Kitchen:

Windows and doors:

Miscellaneous:

going from oneness to separateness: behaviours to expect

leaving a baby the right way

becoming interdependent

helping a toddler ease into independence

weaning from attachment

from two to three

discipline gets easier

chapter 4 saying no positively

the importance of saying no

creative alternatives to “no”

mastering “the look”

“the voice”

respectfully, no!

the humour of “no”

making danger discipline stick

negotiate or hold your ground?

mothers who can’t say no

have a “yes” day

chapter 5 taming temper tantrums

why tantrums?

toddler power

preventing tantrums

what to do when the volcano erupts

speak your child’s mind

handling and preventing tantrums in older children

screaming

chapter 6 fathers as disciplinarians

becoming a dad: bill’s story

high priority – high yield

when kids are driving mum crazy

salvaging a bad situation

eight tips to help fathers become disciplinarians

a surprise cleanup

emotional abuse turnaround

daddy-daughter date

gender differences in discipline

dad’s travelling – a survival guide

fathers provide balance

chapter 7 self-esteem: the foundation of good behaviour

ten ways to help children build self-confidence

1. Practise Attachment Parenting

putting humpty-dumpty back together again

2. Improve Your Own Self-Confidence

to tease or not to tease

3. Be a Positive Mirror

4. Play with Your Child

do you owe your child self-esteem?

5. Address Your Child by Name

6. Practise the Carryover Principle

7. Set Your Child Up to Succeed

wall of fame

8. Help Your Child Be Home-Wise Before Street-Smart

keeping a kid-friendly home

9. Monitor School Influences on Your Child

lose labels

10. Give Your Child Responsibilities

helping children like their bodies

chapter 8 helping your child express feelings

feelings: expressing or bottling up?

how to raise an expressive child

please help me!

read between the lines

feeling puppets

chapter 9 making anger work for you

why kids get angry

don’t take it personally

how adult anger affects parenting and discipline

laughter – the best medicine for anger

getting a handle on anger

inner peace

peace for parents

the “angry kid”

lighten up the perfectionist

chapter 10 feeding good behaviour

grazing for good behaviour

foods that bother behaviour

scheduling feedings for discipline

food discipline

tracking down feel-bad foods

chapter 11 sleep discipline

what every parent should know about babies’ nighttime needs*

principles of nighttime discipline

causes of night waking in the older child*

sleep time, make-up time

handling common nighttime discipline problems

The Sleep Fighter

The Procrastinator (The Sleep Fighter, continued)

When a Parent Is Away

the nighttime psychologist

The Midnight Visitor

tuck me in, dad

Night Waking After Mother Returns to Work

Waking Up Too Early

Nighttime Fathering

Refusing to Nap

Letting Your Child Cry It Out

II correcting undesirable behaviour

chapter 12 smacking – no? yes? sometimes?

ten reasons not to hit your child. 1. Hitting Models Hitting

verbal and emotional “hitting”

2. Hitting Devalues the Child

slapping hands

3. Hitting Devalues the Parent

4. Hitting May Lead to Abuse

5. Hitting Does Not Improve Behaviour

6. Hitting Is Actually Not Biblical

spare the rod!

corporal redirection versus corporal punishment

7. Hitting Promotes Anger – in Children and in Parents

8. Hitting Brings Back Bad Memories

9. Smacking Has Bad Long-Term Effects

10. Smacking Doesn’t Work

how to avoid smacking

when you need professional HELP!

the problems with punishment

chapter 13 discipline by shaping behaviour: alternatives to smacking

praise

discipline talk

Connect before you direct

Address the child

Stay brief

Stay simple

Ask your child to repeat your request back to you

Make an offer the child can’t refuse

Be positive

Begin your directives with “I want”

“When … then”

Legs first, mouth second

Give choices

Speak developmentally correctly

Speak socially correctly

Speak psychologically correctly

Write it

Talk the child down

Settle the listener

Replay your message

Let your child complete the thought

Use rhyme rules

Give likable alternatives

Encourage your child to use words instead of body

Give advance notice

Open up a closed child

Use “When you … I feel … because …”

Close the discussion

the art of complimenting

selective ignoring

expect good behaviour

who’s in charge?

time-out

time-out when you’re out

How to Make Time-out Work for You

no nattering

help your child learn that choices have consequences

motivators

Rewards That Work

sometimes humour is the best discipline

Humour surprises

Humour gets jobs done

Humour protects

Humour disarms

Use humour sensitively

reminders

the art of negotiating

holding a family meeting

withdrawing privileges

magic countdowns

chapter 14 breaking annoying habits

steps to breaking habits

thumb-sucking

When Thumb-Sucking Can Be Harmful

thumbs versus dummies

What to Do

chapter 15 disciplining bothersome behaviours

biting, hitting, pushing, kicking

What to Do

dressing discipline

sick child – sick behaviour

supermarket discipline

teaching toothbrushing

facilitating a facewash

whining

clearing up dirty words

soiling pants

name-calling

grumbling

answering back

exciting the unmotivated child

chapter 16 sibling rivalry

introducing a new baby

What to Do

promoting sibling harmony

discouraging sibling disharmony

fighting in front of kids

III discipline for life

chapter 17 morals and manners

raising a moral child

stages of growth for moral growth

Stage 1 – infancy

Stage 2 – toddlerhood

Stage 3 – preschoolers (three to seven years)

Stage 4 – seven to ten years

Stage 5 – preteens and teens

bad impressions

why kids lie – what to do

the age of truth

how to tell if your child is being dishonest

raising a truthful child

encouraging honesty

stealing

What to Do

cheating

healthy guilt

teaching your child to apologize

“excuse me!”

when your child interrupts

teaching manners

telling tales

shifting blame

acknowledge the child

sharing

What You Can Do

teaching life principles through play

a solution to crime

growing a conscience

chapter 18 building healthy sexuality

gender and self-esteem

fostering healthy gender identity

modelling healthy gender roles

curious little bodies

discipline and sexuality

masturbation*

What to Do

parental nudity in the home

call it like it is

chapter 19 discipline for special times and special children

disciplining the hyperactive child

is your child hyperactive?*

softening the aggressive child

labels are loaded

Distractibility

addressing medication worries

“Can’t we try something else before drugs?”

“I worry about my child taking drugs so young.”

“How do these drugs work? Are they safe?”

a gifted child – a gifted adult

Impulsiveness

homework without hassles

monitoring your child

Hyperactivity

disciplining the temperamentally difficult child (aka the high-need child)

water therapy

the need level concept

framing

different discipline for different temperaments

nature and nurture

disciplining the special needs child

welcome to holland

Tips for Disciplining the Special Needs Child

parenting the shy child

What to Do

discipline during family stress

disciplining the fearful child

Helping Your Child Handle Fears

fear therapy

fear can be a clue

discipline following divorce

caregivers as disciplinarians

closing comments putting it all together – a sample discipline plan

step one: set conditions that foster good behaviour

be the adult

step two: correct the undesirable behaviours

make changes gradually

index

If you enjoyed The Good Behaviour Book, check out these other great William Sears and Martha Sears titles

also by the same authors

about the publisher

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Cover

Title Page

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Raising a Moral Child

Why Kids Lie – What to Do

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