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PROLOGUE: NOT SUPERSTITIOUS
1: DECENT PEOPLE
2: IT’S LIKE GOD WANTS US TO
3: WHEN IN DOUBT, TAKE ’EM TO McDONALD’S
4: MY WIFE IS SLIGHTLY POSSESSED BY SATAN
5: THE S.S. JESUS LOVES YOU
6: THE KIND OF KID WHO LIKES SPIDERS
7: PLAYING SPACEMAN
8: THE MAN YOU MEET WHEN YOU DIE
9: KENNY LOGGINS, MAYBE
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
AUTHORS’ NOTES
My co-author, Michael Gerber (if that is his name) wrote this book with me under false pretenses. First, he told me that he spent a significant portion of his childhood in a small town in Missouri, but it turns out that he moved to Chicago for high school. Then, he said he was raised Christian, but any decent, God-fearing person knows that “Unitarian” is Liberal for “Satanist.”
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“The internet,” Hayden said. And then, with a pointed look at her mom: “They let us use it in school.”
Griselda has a thing about the internet. After growing up in a permissive, Lutheran household, she believes that parents have a right to control what goes into their kids’ heads. “I’m going to speak to Mrs. Dalbach,” Griselda said, slurping her Coke.
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