Twenty-one Dog Years: Doing Time at Amazon.com

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Mike Daisey. Twenty-one Dog Years: Doing Time at Amazon.com

Twenty-One Dog Years

Mike Daisey

Epigraphs

Contents

1 Dilettante

2 Freak Parade

3 Doors for Desks

4 Geek Messiah

5 Our Physics

Time Dilation

Xeno’s Paradox

The Heisenberg Happiness Principle

Silence Is Golden, Like Handcuffs

The Missing Fifth Force

6 College Years

7 Gorillas vs. Bears

8 1-Click™ Christmas

9 Mission Statements

10 Interviews

How has customer service challenged you?

Describe your greatest fear

Who would win in a fight:a lowland silverback gorilla or a Canadian grizzly bear?

Describe the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen

You are trapped in the Arctic with an old Inuit, a pack of matches, a blanket, and a machete. Night is falling. What do you do first?

What kind of dog would you be?

Give an example of a low-hanging fruit you would gather

11 Supervillain Lair

12 Pornsniffing

13 Fiscal Wonderland

14 Exit Interview

15 Museum of Ham

16 Field Trip

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

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Doing Time @ Amazon.com

—John Kenneth Galbraith, The Great Crash

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It was summer and so I whiled away the time in a variety of exciting action poses: reading, sleeping, watching television, and a variant form of the reading pose that incorporated eating. My girlfriend and I became obsessed with The Newlywed Game, hosted by the creepy Bob Eubanks. A trained viewer can predict which couple will win within minutes of the show’s opening—the couple with the largest smiles who strike each other while still smiling always wins, just like in real life. We played Super Mario Kart obsessively. We bought a Rocket Chef after the television told us to do that—it was always telling us to do all sorts of things in those days.

Cross Anaïs Nin with Encyclopedia Brown and you get Jean-Michele—sensual, funny, and possessed by the dark, passionate practicality of the Polish. I learned about Poland quickly: the first time I met her family we sat in the garden drinking and getting to know one another, two activities that are indistinguishable and interchangeable to the Poles.

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