Оглавление
Nadir Psy.D. Baksh PhD. You Don't Know Anything...!
Introduction
The Team Approach
Our Work with Teens
What You Can Expect from This Book
Chapter 1. Wake Up! This Is What You’re Up Against
Back to the Good Ole Days?
You on Trial
Step One: The Business of Parenting
About Sheila
Robert’s Dreams
Chapter 2. Love Your Teenager
The Idea of Love, and the Reality
Sweet Janice
Our Parents, Ourselves
Chapter 3. The Moral Compass: All About Respect
Drawing the Line, with Respect
Adam and Cheryl
No Debates, Please
Mary’s Story
No Democracy
Admit Mistakes and Guard Your Tongue
Stanley’s Opinions
Chapter 4. Their Responsibilities…and Yours
No Exploitation
Angry John
Socialization—Their Vital Work
Times Have Changed
Responsibilities and the Teenage Brain
Responsible Rose
Friend or Parent? Don’t Confuse Your Role
Chapter 5. Teen Anxiety
Peer Pressures
Time Pressures
Stimulation Overload
Anxiety and Depression
Edith, the Drama Queen?
Dangerous Misfits
Asperger’s Syndrome
Information and Protection
Jason’s Problem
Rebecca’s Anxiety
Chapter 6. Respect, Respect, Respect
Chapter 7. Behavior and Consequences
The Behavioral Chart
Communicating with Cindy
Sample Behavioral Chart
Fairness
Reminders
Forgetful Bob
Seriousness
Duration
Don’t Forget the Rewards
Chapter 8. You Own Their Stuff
Stay Realistic / Stay Balanced
Susan’s Stuff
Healthy Fear
“The Look” and Other Effective Tools
Consistency
Chapter 9. Lies, Lies and Lies
Roger’s Lies
Degrees of Lying
Chapter 10. All About Manipulation
What They Learned from You
Vanessa’s Mom
Rewards for Sickness?
High-Stakes Manipulation
Stopping the Show
This Could Happen to Your Teen
Naiveté Is Deadly
Family Dilemma
Chapter 11. Socialization and Safety
Adult Means Adult
Leaders and Followers
Left Alone
Safety at the Mall?
Passing Inspection
Whose Money Are They Spending?
Samantha’s Close Call
About Credit Card Use
Safety Elsewhere?
Socialization and College Prep
Support Their Socialization
Know Where They Are
Chapter 12. Privacy…or Not?
The Real Issue
Problems, Minor and Serious
No Privacy in Computer Matters
Carlie’s Serious Mistakes
Face Your Fears
Alcohol, Drugs and Privacy
Chapter 13. Boundaries
Boundaries and Both Parents
Bedtime and Curfew Boundaries
Study Boundaries
Lazy? or Tired?
Dating
Sex and the Teenager
Boundaries Around Money
About Ted
Driving a Car
Owning a Cell Phone
Get Organized
Chapter 14. Your Adolescent’s Health
Your Teen’s Physical Appearance
Eating Disorders
Steroid Use
Testing for Drug Use
Emotional Health
Have Courage
Chapter 15. Academic Needs
Help Them
College Prep
Admissions Info
Keira and College
Chapter 16. Serious Trouble
A Climate of Fear
Serious Business
Chapter 17. A Family Epic
Epilogue
Resources and Help for Parents
Immediate Assistance
Support Teams for Parents
Parenting Chats
Books to Help You Parent
Conclusion
Bibliography
Other Titles of Interest from Hohm Press
About the Authors
Contact Information
Отрывок из книги
There is no deeper love than that of a parent for a child, and it is no surprise that such love is given in all its purity, and generally without bounds. What is a surprise is how quickly this small child, once your staunchest supporter, begins to pull away from you as adolescence approaches. This desperate struggle toward independence is inevitable, yet its vengeance is unexpected, leaving heartache and turmoil in its path. Welcome to the mysterious, dramatic and chaotic world of your teenager! It is during this time that parents must give their children a safe harbor, even from themselves, and wait patiently until their adolescents reestablish equilibrium and emerge as fully grown adults.
We believe that every child has the right to childhood happiness. But, they are not entitled to this right without some concessions, bound by societal rules and regulations and the structure of pa-rental guidance. Love is simply not enough. Parenting a teenager is serious business and cannot be left to serendipity.
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We have agreed to help you to anticipate and redirect teen behavior which is off balance, and to redirect your own think-ing and behavior. We will assist you with boundary setting and consistency—guiding you to devise reasonable consequences in a fair, patient, mature and objective manner.
As we begin this work together, let us affirm that we know that your patience has been tested to the limits. Your child knows it as well. Our primary thesis throughout these pages is that your teenager expects to be called on his or her insolent behavior. If you do not do so, you contribute to their confusion with a mixture of both relief and rage. After all, as the parent, you are supposed to enforce the rules. When your teenage sons and daughters misbehave, they expect to be punished, although their indignation speaks otherwise. If you do not parent them during their rebellious defiance of rules, you will cause them anxiety and insecurity with the supposition that no one is in charge.
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