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Speak German in seconds
How our stupendously simple phonetics work
Essential phrases
Good-natured phrases
Hotels
Accommodation
How do I say this in German?
Asking for directions
At the A.A. meeting
At the bakery
At the beach
At the dance
At the tennis
At the petrol station
At the grocer’s shop
At the movies
At the pub
At the races (horse)
At the restaurant
Eggheads
Food, Gloria’s Food
Slow Food
Asthma emergency
On the set
On the road
On the ocean waves
In the snooker room
On the golf course
On the phone
Your answering machine/Voicemail
Skillfully avoiding telemarketers when they call
I’ll call you back
Proven ways to end phone calls
At an Indian restaurant
Know your fruits
Know your vegetables
Orgasmic organics
Around the house
Real estate mumbo-jumbo
The 3 Great Lies
How do you plead?
The Sign of the Cross
Grace before meals
A Papal question
Meeting your maker
The Daily Show
Television
Film
Respect for elders
Blessed are the peacemakers
Blessed are the pacemakers
Blessed are the bread-makers
Gone fishing
Football Zen
A Fart joke
Meet the Farts
Meet the Wankers
When being hassled by a bunch of wankers
Positively negative
Polite insults
When life has gone totally pear-shaped
Complaints
Death to the leaf blower
Love thy neighbour
Down to business
Letters I’ve written
Which way to the…?
Where’s the…?
Instant! Emergencies
Taxi chat
Ordering a Taxi
Honey, I’m…
Building site banter
Happy and merry
Consolations
Wine Flu Section
Visiting the doctor/dentist/optician
When you’re in hospital
Pests’ Corner
Hound dogs
Facts
Religion, God etc
Alcohol
Political Dissent and shoe throwing section
3 clean Jokes
Around the Horn
Romance/pick-up lines
The world’s most under-used pick up line
Dept. of periodic detention
That happy day at the altar, or registry office
That unhappy day
Divorce ahoy?
Small talk
Family stuff
Polite stuff
Personal introductions
Boys' names
Girls' names
Greetings & farewells
German National Anthem
Patriots’ corner
Royalty
German Zen
So you wanna be a German rock & roll star?
When taking a photo
Your bum dept
Dept. of generic purchasing
Pets’ corner. Cats
Dogs
Parrots & other talking birds
Teachers’ corner
Shopping
Exit strategies when surrounded by a bunch of Meth-heads
The weather
Up in the sky
Planets
Compass
Telling the time
Assorted a.m. & p.m. examples based around 10:10 or 1:50
The quarters of the hour
What do you do for a living?
Homage to Blazing Saddles
The Donnie Brasco Section
Put ‘em in the movies
We were only following hors d’oeuvres
The Oscar essentials
U.S. Presidential essential
Firing squad essentials
We’re only human
Bodily functions
Serious medical conditions
Body parts
If it’s broken…fix it!
Are we there yet?
Colours
Months
Days of the week
Day, week, month etc
Seasons
Number crunching
Euros
Parents
Polite insults
Excellent sexism
Faking it
Sex, Romance, Love etc
At the Antique shop/Pawn-broker
Denigrations
And now…the Fuck section
And now…the Cunt section
The rubbish section
Ma/Mon Cherie Amour Dept
Heartbreak Corner
How can I miss you…if you won’t go away?
Let’s call the whole thing off
Shut your gob
Tight arses
Kids’ Corner
Dead bear’s bum
Further emergencies
Visit to the hairdresser/beautician
In town/village
Police/Fire/Ambulance
What to say in an Emergency
Seat etiquette
Join that gym!
Ronnie Reagan Impersonators
Martial Arts Corner
Optician/Eyes
Déjà vu section
We’ll meet again section
Stalemate Section
Buying Clothes
Jesus was a Capricorn and Beethoven was a Sagittarius
Instant! German salutes a great film of our time
Getting out of town
Become an Instant! wine wanker
Bartering/Haggling
The Oldest Profession
Rolling your own
Who are you?
Bitten & Stung
Afflictions/ “Do you have anything for it?”
Bribery 101
To someone already swimming
How to say “Can I help you?”
What to say when someone’s staring at you
Felicitations and good-natured phrases
At the Casino
Playing games
Hit the deck when you hear these in a bank
Too drunk to…drive
Hero/Heroine worship
Animal husbandry section
Life can be a picnic
Locked out
Tea break
Air travel
Clothes
Breakfast
That’s the way the cookie crumbles
Cool phrases
Going to the market
Going to a bar
Going to a restaurant
And last but not least…Sausages
This little book is your passport to speaking German, Instantly!
Instant! German is packed full of practical, everyday, street-wise phrases and words. For the more down-to-earth reader, we’ve included a few carefully chosen, internationally-recognisable swear words too. Why…here are but some examples:
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English: May I ask who’s calling?
German: Wer ist dort?
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