Fragile - The true story of my lifelong battle with anorexia

Fragile - The true story of my lifelong battle with anorexia
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Today, I look forward to a future where anorexia's voice will be silenced, where I can simply be Nikki Grahame and not be defined or controlled by my illness.' Say the name Nikki Grahame and most people will remember the bubbly, highly strung and hugely entertaining Big Brother 7 contestant. Since leaving the Big Brother house, she has forged a successful career for herself in presenting and writing. Yet Nikki isn't just another reality television contestant and her life story is not like any other you will ever read. From the age of eight until she was nineteen Nikki battled anorexia nervosa but few cases have been quite as extreme as hers. This compelling book tells the story of her incredible journey and has been revised to include Nikki's ongoing struggle with anorexia. Aged just eight and weighing just under three stone, Nikki was diagnosed as anorexic. For the next eight years, she was in and out of institutions – eleven in total – during which time she attempted suicide twice and had to be sedated up to four times a day so that she could be force-fed. At one point, she was sedated for fourteen days while doctors sewed a tube into her stomach, through which she was fed to get her weight out of the critical range. The lengths that she went to in order to avoid eating and find ways to exercise excessively shocked doctors who have worked in the field for years. As Nikki says, 'I've always wanted to be the best at everything I do, so I had to be the best anorexic – and I was.' With searing honesty, Nikki recounts her long and painful road to recovery, how she has had to come to terms with the long-term ramification of her illness, how she uses her new-found fame topromote awareness of eating disorders and to help those who are suffering from similar problems.

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Nikki Grahame. Fragile - The true story of my lifelong battle with anorexia

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

PROLOGUE

FUN, FOOD AND FAMILY

THINGS FALL APART

A BIG, FAT LUMP

NEVER GIVE IN

THE MAUDSLEY

I DON’T BELONG HERE

HILLINGDON HOSPITAL

COLLINGHAM GARDENS

TOO UNCOOL FOR SCHOOL

RAW ANGER

DEATH PACT

ZOMBIE CHILD

GET ON AND DIE

SEDGEMOOR

HUNTERCOMBE

I’LL NEVER HAVE TO EAT AGAIN

RHODES FARM

I WANT TO LIVE

A NEW STRUGGLE

NEVER GOING BACK

BIG BROTHER

THE MAGIC AND THE MISERY

A LIFE WORTH LIVING

EPILOGUE

FURTHER READING AND RESOURCES

About the Author

Copyright

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I would also like to thank all of the doctors and carers who looked after me: Brian Lask, Dee Dawson, Paul Byrne and Sam Swinglehurst.

Chapter 2 Things Fall Apart

.....

Shortly afterwards Mum was watching me line up to collect my badge at a county trials competition. She remembers that as I waited my turn she looked at my face and all she could see was torment and misery. I was only seven and I’d reached a pretty good standard as a gymnast but I felt useless.

I had to improve, I had to get better. And for that, I had to get thinner. I also deserved to be punished for not being as good as I should have been. Well, that’s what I thought. So I started denying myself treats.

.....

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