Bill Nye's Chestnuts Old and New

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Nye Bill. Bill Nye's Chestnuts Old and New

CHESTNUT-BURR. I. – THE SHAKESPEARE-BACON PUZZLE WRESTLED WITH CONSCIENTIOUSLY

CHESTNUT-BURR II – HOW THE GLORIOUS FOURTH WAS CELEBRATED AT WHALEN'S GROVE LAST YEAR

ENCOURAGING GREEN JOKES

CHESTNUT-BURR III – BILL NYE FINDS COLOROW FULL OF ODD TRAITS

AWKWARDNESS OF CARRYING WHISKY ABOUT

THE RIGHT SORT OF BOY

CHESTNUT-BURR IV – BILL NYE PAYS A BRIEF VISIT TO A PROFESSIONAL STAR READER

INGRATITUDE OF THE HUMAN HEART

CHESTNUT-BURR V – CONCERNING THE FRENCH MASTERPIECES AT THE ACADEMY OF DESIGN

CHESTNUT-BURR VI – BILL NYE DIAGNOSTICATES THE PLAINT OF A COUNTRY COUSIN

MEN ARE OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD

CHESTNUT-BURR VII – BILL NYE IN THE ROLE OF AN UTE INDIAN JENKINS

SURE CURE FOR BILIOUSNESS

CHESTNUT-BURR VIII – IN AN UNGUARDED MOMENT BILL NYE IS CAPTURED BY A POLITICAL SIREN

VIRTUE ITS OWN REWARD

CHESTNUT-BURR IX – BILL NYE DESCANTS UPON YOUNG IVES'S IDEAS IN FINANCE

THE ANTI-CLINKER BASE-BURNER BEE

CHESTNUT-BURR X – A FEW REMARKS ON OUR HOSTELRY SYSTEM AS IT NOW PREVAILS

PITY FOR SAD-EYED HUSBANDS

MARRIAGE

CHESTNUT-BURR XI – WILLIAM NYE VISITS ROYALTY FROM THE HOME OF THE HAM SANDWICH

THAI X DID MOT DU'

A WORD OF EXPLANATION

CHESTNUT-BURR – THE HUMORIST INTERVIEWS HIS GRACE THE DUKE IN THE IMPROVED STYLE

THE CHINESE COMPOSITOR

THE TRUE AMERICAN

CHESTNUT-BURR – XII "THE OLD MAN ELOQUENT."

CHESTNUT-BURR XIV – THE AMENDE HONORABLE

SWEET INFLUENCES OF CHANGING SEASONS

THE MARCH OF CIVILIZATION

CHESTNUT-BURR. XV – A BIG CORNER ON PORK

CHESTNUT-BURR XVI-PATRICK OLESON

PLEASURES OF SPRING

AN UNCLOUDED WELCOME

TOO MUCH GOD AND NO FLOUR

CHESTNUT-BURR. XVII – LONGING FOR HOME

DIGNITY

CHESTNUT-BURR XVIII – THE TRUE HISTORY OF DAMON AND PYTHIAS

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

CHESTNUT-BURR XIX – A STORY OF SPOTTED TAIL

CHESTNUT-BURR XX – THE ROMANCE OF HORSE-SHOEING

HOW TO PRESERVE TEETH

CHESTNUT-BURR XXI – EXPERIENCE ON THE FEVERISH HORNET

THE PICNIC PLANT

CHESTNUT-BURR XXII – ANCIENT BRIC-A-BRAC

JOINT POWDER

CHESTNUT-BURR XIII – THE TWO-HEADED GIRL

OUR COMPLIMENTS

CHESTNUT-BURR XIV – A PATHETIC EPISODE IN NORTHERN WISCONSIN

THE SECRET OF HEALTH

CHESTNUT-BURR XXV – BILL NYE ESSAYS A NOVELETTE

CHESTNUT-BURR XXVI – THE DAUGHTER OF BOB TAIL FLUSH

LOAFING AROUND HOME

THE PLUMAGE OF THE OSTRICH

SOME EARNEST THOUGHTS

CHESTNUT-BURR XXVII – OUR GREAT NATIONAL MOTTO

A GRAVE QUESTION

THOUGHTS

CHESTNUT-BURR XVIII – BILL NYE AT A TOURNAMENT

CHESTNUT-BURR XXIX – A SOCIAL CURSE – THE MAN WHO INTERRUPTS

CHESTNUT-BURR XXX – A DISCOURSE ON CATS

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXI – THE GREAT ORATION OF SPARTACUS

CHESTNUT-BURR – WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE IN WYOMING

PIGEON-TOED PETE

CHESTNUT-BURR – CONCERNING THE SWALLOW

THE HAPPY CODFISH

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIV – A NOVEL WAY OF MARKING CLOTHES

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXV – THE UNHAPPY HUMORIST

LARAMIE'S HANDKERCHIEF

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVI – THE SODA LAKES OF WYOMING

THE COSTLY WATERMELON

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVII – VIEWS OF CHICAGO

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXVIII – A SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM

MODERN FICTION IS UNRELIABLE

CHESTNUT-BURR XXXIX – SOME FACTS OF SCIENCE

CHESTNUT-BURR XL – SORROWS OF A ONE-LEGGED MAN

THE TRUE POET LOVES SECLUSION

CHESTNUT-BURR XLI – REVELATION IN UTAH

THE MODEL SLEEPING-CAR

CHESTNUT-BURR XLII – THE TONGUE-DESTROYING FRENCH LANGUAGE

CARVING SCHOOLS

CHESTNUT-BURR XLIV – ONE TOUCH OF NATURE

HOW TO DEAL WITH THE REVOLVER DIFFICULTY

THE FEMALE ARTISTE

CHESTNUT-BURR XLV – FUN OF BEING A PUBLISHER

A LESSON FROM THE MULE

CHESTNUT-BURR XLVI – PERFORMANCE OF THE PHOENIX

FIRMNESS

PUGILIST OR STATESMAN

CHESTNUT-BURR NYE AS A CRITIC AND NYE AS A POET. POETIC CHESTNUTS

POEMS BY BILL NYE. APOSTROPHE TO AN ORPHAN MULE.=

ODE TO SPRING. FANTASIA FOR THE BASS DRUM; ADAPTED FROM THE GERMAN BY WILLIAM VON NYE.=

THE PICNIC SNOOZER'S LAMENT

ODE TO THE CUCUMBER.=

APOSTROPHE ADDRESSED TO O. WILDE.=

ADJUSTABLE CAMPAIGN SONG.=

THE BEAUTIFUL SNOW.=

THE TRUE TALE OF WILLIAM TELL

WHY WE WEEP

ETIQUETTE FOR THE YOUNG

SWEET SAINT VALENTINE

CARRYING REVOLVERS

THE AGITATED HEN

BANKRUPT SALE OF LITERARY GEMS. OFFICE OF THE MORMAN BAZOO

HINTS ON LETTER-WRITING

SUDDEN FAME

THE ENGLISH JOKE

Отрывок из книги

There were patriotic remarks and greased-pig exercises at Whalen's Grove last year on the Fourth, all of which, according to the Sandy Mush Record-Statesman, passed off with marked success. From the opening prayer to the base-ball contest and greased-pole doings, everything was harmonious, and the receipts were satisfactory. Col. L. Forsyth Heeley acted as marshal of the day, wearing a maroon sash, and mounted on his well-known horse, Mambrino King. A serious accident in the early morning was happily averted by Col. Heeley's coolness and self-possession. A lady from Lower Hominy, whose name could not be ascertained, while actively engaged in listening to the band, and holding her young child so that it could get a good view of the sun, became entangled in her train, which had worked around in front, and while recovering herself Col. L. Forsyth Heeley came down the street in advance of the fire laddies. The horse was rearing high in the air, and going sideways with a squeaking sound, which seemed to be caused by the friction between his second and third stomach. His mouth was wide open, and his fiery-red gums could be seen as far as the eye could reach. Almost every one thought there would be a holocaust; but at that trying instant, as if by magic, Col. Heeley decided to go down the other street.

Our fire ladies made a fine appearance, in their new, hot uniforms, and were not full during the parade, as was stated by the Hickory township World.

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And thus did the Fourth of July pass with all its glories in Whalen's Grove in the year of our independence the 110th.

I want to encourage green jokes, that have never trotted in harness before, and, besides, I must insist on using my scanty fund of laugh on jokes of the nineteenth century. I have got to draw the line somewhere.

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