In ten years, I served as a diver in the Australian Army, travelled for three years around the world, and returned home to complete a degree at the University of Queensland. This however, is not the most adventurous detail of my journey. Throughout this period, I was using the internet as a medium to facilitate friendship, fantasy and relationships. <br><br>I inadvertently stumbled upon online dating on my housemate's desktop computer. It was a blessing because as a young man, I did not drink or go out clubbing like others my own age, therefore limiting my exposure with women. I knew what I was doing in the year 2001 was unorthodox, but despite the negative stigma, I was fascinated with the process of finding love online and of a world beyond that which I knew before. A world I discovered, which is limited only by your imagination.<br><br>With a dose of honesty, humility and humour, the story follows my online experience from humble beginnings in the Australian Defence Force, to spiraling out of control in pursuit of more lurid satisfactions abroad.<br><br>The book is as much a celebration of youth and adventure as it is a guide to navigating the often misunderstood world of internet dating. The final chapter is an accumulation of the ten most relevant lessons I learned through ten years of trial and error. Observing these rules will not only shed clarity on the process of online dating but most importantly offer readers tangible steps to speed up the process of fulfilling their online desires, whatever they might be.
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Oliver Cross. Auditions for Love.Com
Chapter 1. A Soldier’s Tale
Chapter 2. Pleasure & Pain
Chapter 3. Honourable Discharge
Chapter 4. Lonely in London
Chapter 5. Don’t Screw the Crew
Chapter 6. The Ottoman Empire
Chapter 7. Foreign Affairs
Chapter 8. Carnivale
Chapter 9. Addicted to Online Dating
Chapter 10. Cougar Phenomenon
Chapter 11. The Night I got Lucky
Chapter 12. The Girl with the Corset Tattoo
Chapter 13. Swiss Miss-tress
Chapter 14. Spontaneous Mileage
Chapter 15. My Last First Kiss
Chapter 16. Rules of Engagement
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? ~ Dale Carnegie
I had no premeditated intention to ever engage in online dating. To be honest I had never really considered it. I was an outdoorsy guy and not the computer type. It was by chance that the friend I was living with at the time had a chat site installed on his desk top computer. I rarely had a need for computers back then except to send the occasional email. As I sat one evening checking my inbox, the computer kept making odd noises at me, a collaboration of dings, bings and rings. I was barely skilled to turn the damn thing on let alone navigate my way around. I soon got frustrated at the commotion and pulled the speakers to stop the barrage of harassing sounds. As though to counter my attempt to mute its presence, an icon down on the bottom right of the toolbar began pulsating. It was called ICQ. I thought perhaps it was a program requiring an update, or a Microsoft feature advising me I was doing it all wrong. With my right hand navigating the mouse, I scrolled the curser over the throbbing noisy icon, and double clicked.
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As I pulled up to her place I checked myself in the rear vision mirror. All seemed in order, as I grabbed the flowers and confidently strode up her driveway. I lifted my hand to knock and noticed it shaking profusely. The door opened and as she stood in front of me smiling, I could have died. She was NOT as she had described at all. People know instantly when they meet someone whether they are physically attracted. She was far bigger than she had described, was seriously under-dressed and to make matters worse, had a better moustache than I was capable of growing at nineteen. My mind was racing. “Oh dear God”, I thought to myself, I have committed to taking this lady out for a night’s entertainment. My mind was telling me to run, but my conscience insisted I stay. What made matters worse was that after five minutes of driving I found her a nag and somewhat authoritarian, advising me how to drive, where to park and what I would be eating. Perhaps that was her response to nerves.
I have never eaten food so quickly, but of course she ordered dessert. I resolved the entire situation rather rapidly in my mind. I was telling myself that this was no longer a date but business and I had to remain professional. It was the only way I kept myself sane, polite and social.
