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Philip H. Friedman. The Forgiveness Solution
Praise for The Forgiveness Solution
Contents
Introduction
What Is Forgiveness?
Who Will Benefit from This Book?
How to Use This Workbook
Do You Work Better Alone or with Someone Else?
What Are Some of the Major Benefits of Forgiving?
Forgiveness and Health
Forgiveness in Marriage
Over the Long Term
“But What If I Have Blocks or Resistances?”
CHAPTER 1. Where Are You Now? Some Basic Self-Assessments
Assessing Where You Are
Exercise Checklists
DISTRESS CHECKLIST
WELL-BEING CHECKLIST
Diagram 1. Summary of Relationship between Forgiveness, Beliefs, and Emotions and Well-Being
Subjective Happiness Scale (SHS)
Satisfaction with Life Scale (SWLS)
The Gratitude Questionnaire (GQ6)
How Forgiving Are You?
Because I will be asking you to fill it out again later you will want to make a number of copies of it before filling it in
The Heartland Forgiveness Scale (HFS)
Heartland Forgiveness Scale Scoring and Interpretation
Heartland Forgiveness Scale
Summary of Scores: Initial Assessment Scoring
SUMMARY OF ALL OF APRIL'S SCORES: INITIAL ASSESSMENT SCORING
CHAPTER 2. Identifying Who You Feel Has Harmed You
Exercise: Who Did Something within the Past Year That Hurt or Harmed You?
Journaling Experience 1: Last Year
Journaling Experience 2: Earlier in Life
Journaling Experience 3: Yourself
Using Affirmations
Exercise: Affirmations 1 and 2
Exercise: Journaling Positive Benefits of Experiences 1–3
Keep on Journaling
CHAPTER 3. Discovering What Hurts:
One Core Problem, One Core Solution
Exercise: Identifying Your Grievances and Attack Thoughts
CHAPTER 4. Choosing Love over Fear
Forgiveness Is a Bridge
Diagram 2. The Two Paths
Happiness Is Found in the Present
Shoulding on Ourselves
Exercise: Affirmations 3 to 7
From Fear to Love
Identifying Stressors
Exercise: Stressors
Discovering Your Old Films and Old Tapes
Exercise: How Stressful Are Your Old Films and Tapes?
How Are Your Old Tapes Clouding How You See Others?
Exercise: Releasing Yourself from Past Mistakes
CHAPTER 5. Seeing Beyond Judgment and Blame:
Toward Transformational Forgiveness
Looking beneath the Anger
Releasing Yourself from Four Key Words That Undermine Forgiveness
Setting an Intention, Having Willingness
Listening to the Voice of Love, Not Fear
Thorny and Nurturing Teachers
CHAPTER 6. Discovering What You Don't Want and What You Do:
The Magic Wand and Miracle Goals
Exercise: What You Don't Want
Exercise: What You Do Want
Exercise: Psychological Uplifter 1
CHAPTER 7. Knowing When to Let Go
Exercise: Teaching Stories. THE ALLIGATOR AND HOLDING ON
THE TWO MONKS AND LETTING GO
THE RAT AND CHEESE STORY: DISCOVERING ALTERNATIVES1
PINK AND WHITE DORS: CHOICE AND EMPOWERMENT
Exercise: A Fist and Releasing
Thirty Useful Affirmations
CHAPTER 8. Making New Choices through Relaxation, Imagery, and Forgiveness Afformations
Exercise: Relaxation and the Inner Sanctuary
Exercise: Imagery of Seeds and Weeds
Exercise: Opening the Way for Change
Exercise: Preprogramming Yourself for Forgiveness
Exercise: Future Self
Afformations4
Exercise: Eleven Forgiveness Afformations
CHAPTER 9. Energetic Forgiveness and Releasing:
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 1: Use of Pressure Points and Tapping with No Affirmations (PPPT-L1)
Psychological Uplifter 2
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 2: Pressure Points with Holding and Breathing with No Affirmations (PPPT-L2)
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 3: Pressure Points with Tapping, Holding, and Breathing with No Affirmations (PPPT-L3)
Three Frames of Reference, Analogies, or Metaphors
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 4: Pressure Points with Tapping, Holding, and Breathing with Affirmations (PPPT-L4)
Troubleshooting
CHAPTER 10. Energetic Forgiveness and Finding Peace:
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 5: Use of Pressure Points with Tapping, Holding, and Breathing with Forgiveness Affirmations (PPPT-L5)
Forgiveness Affirmations1
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 6: Pressure Points, Tapping, Holding, and Breathing and Reporting on Internal Experiences with No Affirmations (PPPT-L6)
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 7: Use of Pressure Points and Extensive Imagery (PPPT-L7)
Positive Pressure Point Technique Level 8: Use of Pressure Points, Holding, and Unforgiveness and Forgiveness Affirmations (PPPT-L8)
CHAPTER 11. Four Powerful Forgiveness Imagery Techniques
Forgiveness Imagery Exercises
Exercise 1: Creating Well-Being Forgiveness Imagery Process1
Exercise 2: Light Imagery Grateful Heart Technique (LIGHT)2
Exercise 3: White Light Self-Forgiveness Exercise3
Exercise 4: HEaling And Release Technique (HEART)4
CHAPTER 12. Practicing Forgiveness in Relationship Conflicts
Empty Chair Exercise1
Exercise: Violet Transmuting Flame Imagery
Ho'oponopono Forgiveness Exercise
CHAPTER 13. Reconnecting with Your Inner Treasure
Letter-Writing Exercise: Forgiving an Important Relationship
Exercise: Giving and Receiving Forgiveness and Miracles1
Exercise: Fountain of Forgiveness and Love
CHAPTER 14. Transformational Forgiveness and Cutting the Energetic Cord
Exercise: Transformational Forgiveness
Composite Forgiveness Imagery Exercise1
Exercise: Cutting the Energetic Cord and Forgiving Imagery Process
CHAPTER 15. Reconnecting with Your Divine Self
Exercise: Gift of Forgiveness Imagery Process1
Radical Forgiveness2
Exercise: Four Written Steps to Radical Forgiveness3
Exercise: Radical Forgiveness Written Release Letter4
Exercise: The Circle of Love Forgiveness Process5
CHAPTER 16. Self-Assessment Revisited
CHAPTER 17. Twelve Frequently Asked Questions and Their Answers
Question 1. What is the difference between false and true forgiveness?
Question 2. Aren't there some things that are just basically wrong, bad, and evil and not subject to forgiveness?
Question 3. As a follow-up to the last question, isn't it true that “cheating” on your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is bad and wrong? Isn't it bad to cheat on your taxes, steal money, lie, gamble to excess, be an alcoholic or drug addict, be a dealer of drugs, terrorize, murder, sabotage, steal, kidnap, prostitute, molest, or be an all-around nasty, negative, sarcastic, or mean person? Can you really expect people to forgive these kinds of people?
Question 4. Why should I be the one to forgive? After all, my parents neglected, abused, criticized, and ignored me and still do. They favored my sister or brother over me and even sent me to live with my aunt or uncle or grandparents or a boarding school when I was young. I was molested or violated when young and humiliated by my peers. I had ADHD, was dyslexic, or had childhood cancer. I wish others would forgive me and all these people would apologize and make amends
Question 5. I don't really believe in the concept of forgiveness. I can believe in acceptance, perhaps, or tolerance but not forgiveness. Why should I forgive?
Question 6. Are you really trying to tell me I should forgive Hitler or Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein or any other dictator in the world?
Question 7. You haven't used the terms “perpetrators” and “victims” like many other authors and clinicians do when discussing the concept of forgiveness. Why is that?
Question 8. The perspective you are taking toward forgiveness differs from the perspective taken in some other books, even books by very well-known authors, clinicians, and researchers in the field. Why?
Question 9. What is the relationship between forgiveness, love, gratitude, and grace?
Question 10. How often should I forgive?
Question 11. What is the relationship between forgiveness and assertiveness? Is it ever okay to express strong feelings and say “no”? Won't I be a doormat if I am always forgiving?
Question 12. What is the relationship between forgiveness, awakening, oneness, salvation, and enlightenment?
CHAPTER 18. Review, Recommendations, and Returning Home
Summary Pointers, Recommendations, and Practices to Help You Arrive Home to Your True, Authentic Self, Using the Forgiveness Solution
Forgiveness Solution Brief Worksheet
Twelve Follow-Up Exercises and Practices
Notes. INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
Recommended Reading. FORGIVENESS-RELATED BOOKS
ENERGY HEALING-RELATED BOOKS
PROFESSIONAL READING LIST
Recommended Resources
Acknowledgments
About the Author
To Our Readers
