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Renee S. Ferguson. Talk Turkey to Me
about this book
Part 1: let’s begin to talk turkey. Does Size Really Matter?
“My husband bought the turkey and it’s so big it looks like it’s nesting on top of the roasting pan. I’ll get a bigger pan, but what was he thinking? There are only two of us. We’ll just have to call some college students over to help us eat it. They can eat you out of house and home, but even then we’ll have enough!”
“Can you tell me how much my turkey weighs?”
Fresh versus Frozen
“What would you do? The expiration date on my turkey was 4 weeks ago. It’s been held in the refrigerator the whole time . . . is it okay?”
“Are there taste differences between fresh and frozen?”
“We live on a farm in the country. We raise our own turkeys every year and I have four of them in my truck. You know, turkeys stress out real easily—chickens don’t; they’re cool. We’re on our way to slaughter and I think one of them is having a heart attack. The kids are really upset and they’re trying to calm him down. I tried playing soothing music, but this is one really stressed turkey and I think he’ll be a goner before I’m ready. I still have a long way to drive. How long do I have before it’s too late to use him?”
“My family is not gonna want to deal with this menopausal woman. My fresh turkey is partially frozen. Help me!”
Thawing: A Complete Guide
“I’ve got a flock of ‘bingo’ turkeys in my freezer. I’m just lucky—I win every time I go. I’ve got one turkey that’s been there longer than a year. I’m not sure we shouldn’t have a birthday party or a coming-out party when I go to thaw him. Since he’s been in the freezer longer than the others, will he take longer to thaw?”
“I don’t know how much my turkey weighs. It’s been in the freezer and the tag is gone. How long do I thaw it?”
Quick-Thaw McDraw: Cold Water
“I’ve never been a successful turkey person and I have to thaw my turkey in the bathtub. The turkey is floating in my tub now. I have a scuba belt that I could harness onto it to hold it down under water if that would help.”
“Talking to you is like talking to my therapist. I know I’ll feel better afterward—and, better still, you won’t send me a bill! But I still feel insecure about knowing if my turkey is thawed.”
“I’m not sure if I’m going to make the list of Top 10 Boo-Boos, but my turkey is not entirely thawed. It’s been in the refrigerator for 4 days and it’s still not thawed.”
“My grocer said it would only take 3 days to thaw this 20-pound turkey. Is that right?”
“I’m a procrastinator, but this year I sat up all night and thawed the turkey in cold water and changed it every 30 minutes. Now I’m afraid it’s thawed too soon. Do I have to cook it now, or can I keep it refrigerated until the party? If I have to cook it now, it’ll be like a James Bond movie and we’ll have Turkey Galore!”
Preparing the Turkey
“We just realized we cooked the turkey with that bag of stuff still inside of it. Do we have to throw the whole turkey out?”
“I’m newly married and we’re pregnant and I feel like I live on Stupid Street. I’ve never done this before and I know I have to wash the turkey. My husband said that it’s just like washing a baby and to just hold it under a shower of water—and that I should get used to it . . . the baby will be here before we know it!”
“I pamper my turkey. I take two sticks of butter and, in a circular motion, I rub it all over the turkey—just like a facial rub!”
Seasoning: The Spice of Life “I lived in Barbados for a while. Those people rub everything with ketchup. How do you think it would be if I rubbed my turkey with ketchup?”
“Our family uses maple syrup to baste the turkey. It’s sweet and crispy and it browns the turkey nicely.”
“My mother is from the Old Country. She’s always done this and I’ve been cooking since I was 13 so I do it too. Everyone just loves my turkey in tomato sauce!”
“I just watched this cooking show and they used pickling spice to season the turkey. What do you think of that?”
“Do I season this all over the turkey body and make it look more ugly?”
“My buddy puts garlic under the skin, but I don’t want to put my hand in there!”
“What about apples, oranges, and an onion in the cavity or sprinkled around the outside?”
“I use mayonnaise instead of oil.”
Anatomy 101
“I need some confirmation. I thought when I got a whole turkey it would be all white meat. There’s dark meat on this one.”
“I bought a turkey and the directions said to put it breast-side-up. Where’s the breast and which side is up?”
“My husband is in the navy. He says a hen’s breast is bigger than a tom’s. Does a hen have a bigger breast?”
“That hook, the bony, butt part—do I take it off?”
“That part that goes over the fence last is the piece of the turkey the men in our family all fight over. Each year we have to draw straws to see who gets the honor of eating it. It started when I was a kid and each year we’d argue about it because Dad always got it since he was the dad. Now that he’s gone, my brothers and I figured out a fair way to win the pièce de résistance.”
Giblets
“You mean I have to put my hand in there? Look, I’m straight . . . I just don’t want to run into anything I shouldn’t!”
“The jury’s still out and trouble’s brewing! How many bags are in the turkey?”
“I just took Mr. Turkey out of the refrigerator and there aren’t any goblets—I mean giblets—in him.”
“I have the weight of the world on me today. My day is ruined. There are no giblets inside the turkey!”
Stuffing
“Now that I’ve made my stuffing , can you tell me if I put it in the front door or the back door?”
“Is it okay if I use an old nylon for a stuffing bag?”
“After 22 years of marriage we divorced and I didn’t get her mother’s stuffing recipe. I forgot to have it entered as part of the divorce decree. I’ve asked other family members whom I’m friendly with to give me the family recipe but I don’t have it yet.”
The Truth about Basting
“Are all of your turkeys self-basting? It doesn’t say on the label?”
“Oh, you have such smart turkeys!” said the caller when I told her there was no need to baste her turkey—the bird would do everything all on its own
Determining Doneness
“I won’t eat at my grandchildren’s house. They don’t use a meat thermometer!”
“I just pulled my meat thermometer from the drawer and it reads 140ºF. I’m toast! How do you know when the turkey is done if you don’t have a thermometer?”
“I’ve been in France for five years and engaged to a great guy for about a year. He’s a honey but he mentioned the other day that he wanted me to cook a turkey. I told him I’d make a ham but he said he really wanted turkey for the holiday. He thinks I’ve done it before but I never have and now I’m in a panic. I’m in deep x#@#! I don’t have directions. I don’t have a meat thermometer. Oh, wait, I’ll ask him where his meat thermometer is and he’ll just assume I know what I’m doing!”
“We didn’t thaw the turkey. If I cook it from frozen, do I use a drill to put a hole in for the meat thermometer?”
A Word about Pop-up Timers
“Well, the pop-up timer never did go off, so I continued to cook it for 9 hours. Everyone told me it was delicious and couldn’t compliment me enough!”
Part 2: let’s talk turkey and the ways to cook it
Open-Pan Method: Effortless Roasting for Chefs and Novices Alike
“What the heck am I going to do with this turkey? I would have been happy with a Swanson’s® TV dinner, but the turkeys were on sale and I invited some people over. Now I don’t even know where to begin!”
“I’m a newly divorced dad and I’ve never cooked a turkey before. I want this to be special and to make the picture-perfect turkey for my kids. How do I do it?”
“It’s the size of a baby . . . no, it’s the size of a small child! I’m in a little trouble. This turkey is big! My daughter raised it for her 4-H project this year. He’s about 40 pounds. I have a really big oven and a pan that he’ll fit in, but I don’t know how long to cook him.”
Secrets Revealed
“What’s ‘trussing’?”
“What do you mean, drain the turkey?”
“Our turkey has a big plastic clamp hanging on it. Do we leave it on or take it off?”
“I don’t have a rack
“Do I put the oven on bake or broil?”
“I’ve had my oven for over five years and have never used it. How do I preheat?”
“Do I cook it naked or covered?”
“So I take a half sheet of notebook paper and put it over the breast?”
“What do you mean ‘tent of aluminum foil’? How big?”
“Shiny or dull side out?”
“Okay, so I cook it naked.”
“Feel the breast?”
“What’ s ‘freezer burn’?”
“It said to cook it for 3 to 3½ hours but it still looked pink so I cooked it a couple of hours longer and it still looks pink. When will it get done?”
“Why can’t you just make it easy and give me the number of minutes per pound?”
Convection Oven
“So the turkey will come out different from in a regular oven, just a little more wrinkled and darker brown . . . kinda like Grandma in Florida!”
“I told my dad I think we’re screwed. I think I’ve ruined the whole thing. I hear sizzling in the pan . . . is that okay?”
Covered Roasting Pan
“Do I need to add water to the bottom of the pan? And what about rotating the turkey? When my wife was alive she used to rotate the turkey.”
“Oh, cover—put the lid on! I thought you meant to put the turkey in the lid.”
“We went to a charity event where they were bowling with frozen turkeys. My husband brought home the turkey that he used but the directions are lost. How long will it take to roast it in my grandma’s speckled roasting pan?”
“I plan on rotating the turkey and have invited two other guys over to help me turn the pan.”
Oven Bag
“I turned the oven on broil for 40 minutes and then turned it down to bake. The turkey looks done. It’s really brown and the bag is really inflated.”
“I’m using an oven bag. Do I peel the onion before I put it in the bag? How should I cut the celery? I’m making a test turkey before Thanksgiving just to see how it goes. What’s the difference between buying just a breast and buying a whole turkey? If you take the legs off, will it taste different? How do I know if I cooked it okay and it comes out right?”
“What part should I taste?”
Covered Electric Roaster
“Everything I read says to roast uncovered. How can I do that with this roaster?”
“My cover won’t fit the roaster with my turkey in it. Is it okay to cook even if the steam escapes? Maybe I could put duct tape around the open area. My sister said to try that. What do you think?”
“We all need a little extra makeup at times, so this turkey needs a little extra color.”
Browning Sauce
High-Heat Method
“I’m forgetful from one Thanksgiving to the next. How do I roast the turkey using the high-temperature method?”
“I want to put a cup filled with broth and herbs in the center of the cavity. Will the essence of the herbs be carried in the steam from inside out? It would be like a sauna.”
al fresco methods
“I’m smoking a turkey here and it is F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G! I’m in California and it’s about 55º. How long is this going to take?”
“My husband had this bright idea to keep our new gas grill free of grease, so he filled the bottom with kitty litter to absorb the drips. Guess what? Not a good idea! It clogged up everything and now it won’t light. We’ll have to cook the turkey on the charcoal grill, and it’s been so long since we’ve used it I forget what to do.”
“I deep-fried a turkey for the first time and it came out beautiful and was excellent. The best part was my mother-in-law’s exclaiming , ‘Damn! You’re a good chef !’ Thanks for your help. You made my day.”
Charcoal Grill
Gas Grill
“I’m not a good cook or good at math, but I was told to grill my 14-pound turkey 30 minutes per pound. Does that mean it will take 44 hours to cook?”
“Ma’am, I work for the government and operate on a ‘need to know’ basis. The reason I’m calling is that I need to know how to grill this ‘thang’ on my gas grill.”
“What’s the best thing to do?”
“You’re telling a man to follow directions? Wow!”
Water Smoker
“My husband couldn’t smoke the turkey on Thanksgiving because I went into labor. I had a baby boy the day after Thanksgiving. Now that I’m home, can we smoke this turkey?”
Deep Fryer
“I like living on the edge. Cooking with five gallons of hot oil, kids running , dogs chasing . . . the nearby house and wooden deck, plus a few firecrackers— ain’t no better way to spend the Fourth of July!”
“Okay, I’ve got my HAZMAT suit on and I’m ready to fry my turkey. How long will it take?”
“I’m deep-frying a turkey. When is it done? I’m waiting for it to get to 375ºF and it’s just not happening.”
“Oh, I thought the turkey had to get that hot!”
“I’ve marinated a frozen basted turkey and I want to brine it, too, and then deep-fry it. How do I do that?”
“I’m 22 and I’m not an idiot. My turkey is completely frozen. Can I deep-fry it, like they do frozen French fries?”
“We deep-fried the turkey for Christmas. It was delicious! But now I’m in a quandary. What do I do with all that oil? I asked my husband several times to get rid of it because it’s so heavy I can’t move it. It’s pushing Lent already and guess what? It’s still out in the garage. I suppose I’ll just have to empty it one gallon at a time with an old milk jug.”
seductive favorites
Brining
Apple Cider Brine
Cheesecloth Method
“I just use my husband’s old white T shirts to shield the turkey during cooking , instead of cheesecloth.”
“My mother did that when I was a kid and I remember how my sisters and I fought over the crisp strips of bacon. Watch out for Martha’s next big hit recipe!” Brown-Paper-Bag Method
Low-Temperature Overnight Method
“I’ve got this recipe that says to cook at 375ºF for 1 hour, then lower the temperature to 185ºF and cook until done. But that’s, like, until Christmas. What do you think?”
Double Your Pleasure: Roasting Two at a Time
Upside-Down Roasting
Roasting from Frozen
“My grandkids are cooking for Thanksgiving this year and didn’t know they had to thaw the turkey. Is there a quick fix? What can we do?”
“If I start cooking from frozen, do I need to drill a hole in the turkey to put the meat thermometer in?”
Microwaving
“No, I always fix a separate turkey for my dogs!” Rotisserie Method
“I used to love the old cowboy movies when I was a kid and always dreamed of calf-roping in the rodeo. But I’m a city slicker and the closest I get to that dream is grabbin’ those turkey legs and lasso-ing them to that bar on my rotisserie!”
Boiling or Stewing
Cooking Breast of Turkey
“I’m planning a menu for a culinary arts class. How much breast meat do I need to feed 50 people?”
“I’ve just celebrated my 43rd wedding anniversary, which means that I’ve cooked 43 turkeys. But now I have orders from ‘headquarters’ to change to a breast since there are only two of us. How do you cook just a breast?”
Crock-Pot Method
Part 3: can we talk? when the road to culinary delight gets rocky
Cooking Interruptus: Dealing with Power Failures and Traveling with Turkeys
“I’ve been cooking for years, but this year the potential in-laws are coming for dinner. Well, they’re not really ‘potential’ in-laws any more—they’ ll be real in-laws very soon. I have a potential grandchild on the way!”
“We’re right in the middle of cooking our turkey and the electricity has gone out. What do I do now?”
“I’ve got Thanksgiving blessings: I live on the Snake River in Idaho—it has a beauty all its own—the grandchildren are coming , and nothing could be better!”
“Dad is 87 and wants Christmas at his home. He doesn’t cook, so you have to bring half the house with you when you go. Everyone literally has to travel ‘over the river and through the woods’ to get there—and he’s 6 hours away! I’m bringing the turkey and think of it more as bringing a sacrificial offering to the powers that be.”
“Can we hold the turkey 4 hours until they get back?”
“We’ve got a situation here. The Santa Ana winds blew the power lines down and we’re only halfway through cooking. The turkey has been out of the oven for about an hour. What should we do?”
“It was raining this morning when we got up, so my husband’s golf game got cancelled. This, then, was going to be our little ‘together’ day. So this afternoon I put the turkey on for dinner and at about four o’clock the sun came out and one of the ‘boys’ called to quickly get some golf in, and off he went. So I’m spending my day with the other turkey . . . How can I keep it warm until the big turkey gets back?”
Cooking at High Altitudes
“We’re having a family reunion at a chalet in the Rockies this year. My brother has a place near Breckenridge and we’ll be at 8,600 feet. What changes do I need to make in cooking?”
Food Safety Made Simple
“We’ll have to give our turkey a Pap test to determine if there’s bacteria.”
“Can I give it to the dog?”
“I’m having an emotional problem . . . my emotions, not the turkey’s—he’s beyond emotion. The pressure is on to cook, be safe, and be ready on time. My concern is, I have to cook the turkey before work and the Brownie Scouts party isn’t until after school. That would be bad form—to poison 10 Brownies at our meeting after school . . . if someone gets sick I’ll never get invited back to be a troop leader!”
“So if I’ve done something wrong , what happens? Do I go to the penalty corner, or what?”
“I hear so many things can go wrong. You start with a good turkey and something you do makes it go bad. Sounds like a spring-break horror movie: When Good Turkeys Go Bad!”
“I’ve cooked my 10-pound turkey at 325ºF for 6 hours. Do I need to cook it another hour to be safe?”
“Oh, that’s okay. We’ll just put a lot of cranberry sauce over it.”
“My husband is going in for surgery and I’m cooking his favorite meal. Turkey. Dry.”
“No, dry . . . And that’s pretty hard to do since he likes his steaks rare. But he had salmonella once and never wants it again, so I overcook the turkey by 2 hours just to get it the way he likes it.”
“We let the turkey sit out overnight by accident. Can we still eat it? How sick would we get if we ate it?”
Part 4: now, let’s really talk turkey
Time to Pull It All Off: Planning Your Menu
“Here’s what I want. I want beautifully browned turkey that’s simple to prepare with all the fixins and time to enjoy myself that day.”
Carving
“I’m 70 years old and cooking turkey for the first time. I was in the hospitality industry, so I always had to work holidays and never had to cook. I’m retired now and I need directions on how to carve this thing.”
“What, me rest!”
Gravy
“My mother always seemed to overcook the turkey. It was always really dry. Matter of fact, I was 20 before I realized that gravy wasn’t a beverage.”
“How about putting a little wine in the cavity? How about putting a little wine in the gravy? Hmmm . . . how about putting a little wine in the cook!”
Apricot Amaretto Sauce
Makes about 2 cups
“Mama! Where did you get all this gravy?” “I told them I made it, but I had a little help from a friend. I’m a 21st-century great-grandma from North Carolina and I just used a mix.”
Part 5: table talk . . .let the feast begin
appetizers
bacon-wrapped water chestnuts
Makes about 45 bite-sized pieces
hearty meatballs
Makes about 60 bite-sized meatballs
deviled eggs
Makes 2 dozen
brie with apricot preserve
Serves 12
easy-to-prepare appetizer buffet with delightfully delicious dill dip
Makes about 2 cups
hot artichoke and crabmeat dip
Makes about 2 cups
garlic-herbed cream cheese
Makes about 3 cups
five-layer garlic-and-cream-cheese spinach spread. Serves 12 to 15
salads
almond-orange salad
Serves 4
salad greens with cranberries in port wine. Serves 4
all-american chopped salad
Serves 4
all-american potato salad
Serves 8 to 10
retro salad wedge
Serves 6
seven-layer salad
Serves 6 to 8
spinach salad with strawberries
Serves 8
sweet and crunchy coleslaw
Serves 8
cranberry and fruit side dishes
cranberry sauce
Makes about 4 cups
cranberry salad
Serves 8 to 10
cranberry-orange salsa
Makes about 3 cups
cranberry-port wine salad
Serves 8 to 10
fresh fruit salad with glaze
Serves 8
melon wedges with sweet berry sauce
Serves 8
baked apples
Serves 6
vegetable dishes
roasted vegetable mélange
Serves 12
grilled vegetable skewers
Serves 8
mixed vegetable casserole
Serves 8
zucchini shells stuffed with mushrooms and cheese
Serves 8
squash fritters
Makes about 24 fritters
glazed acorn squash with cinnamon and brown sugar
Serves 8
your mother’s green bean casserole
Serves 6 to 8
green beans with bacon and blue cheese. Serves 4
spinach and artichoke bake
Serves 6 to 8
spinach soufflé
Serves 6 to 8
broccoli casserole
Serves 8
brussels sprouts with browned butter
Serves 6
carrot gratin
Serves 8
whipped sweet baby carrots
Serves 6 to 8
grilled corn in husks
corn pudding
Serves 8
roasted corn salsa
Makes about 2 cups
baked beans
Serves 12 to 15
cowboy beans
Serves 10
potato dishes
smashed potatoes
Serves 6 to 8
make-ahead golden potatoes
Serves 8 to 10
creamy cheesy potato casserole
Serves 8 to 12
potato gratin
Serves 6
roasted potatoes with red onion and thyme
Serves 8
glorified sweet potatoes
Serves 8
sweet potatoes with smoked cheddar cheese and cider
Serves 8 to 10
deep-fried sweet potatoes with sugar and cinnamon
Serves 8
stuffing (or dressing)
“I’m from the South and we don’t stuff our turkeys, honey, we dress them!”
southern cornbread dressing
Serves 16
basic cornbread
Serves 8
old-fashioned bread stuffing
Makes enough for a 12-pound turkey
apple, sausage, and herb stuffing
Makes enough for a 15-pound turkey
rice stuffing with sausage. Serves 12
wild rice and mushroom bake
Serves 8 to 10
new england oyster dressing
Serves 8 to 10
roasted chestnut stuffing
Serves 8
breads, rolls, and biscuits
french onion bread
Makes 2 loaves
pumpkin bread
Makes 2 loaves
to-die-for cheese biscuits
Makes about 24
lovin’ rolls
Makes about 24
desserts
easy pecan pie
Each pie serves 8
southern pecan pie
Serves 8 to 10
pumpkin pie
Serves 8 to 10
apple crostata
Serves 4 to 6
basic pie crust
Makes 1 crust
pumpkin roll
Serves 10 to 12
dark chocolate cake with decadent chocolate mousse frosting
Serves 10 to 12
cranberry cake with warm butter sauce
Serves 4 to 6
grandma’s down-home carrot cake
Serves 12 to 16
raspberry-lemon marbled pound cake
Serves 6 to 8
classic cheesecake
Serves 8 to 10
the ultimate cream cake
Serves 12 to 16
french silk pie
Serves 8 to 10
cappuccino cream pie
Serves 6 to 8
baked maple bananas
Serves 8 to 10
strawberries and devonshire cream
Serves 8
Part 6: turkey straight talk . . . everything you’ll ever need to know
Common Terms and Equivalents
Jive Talk: Converting Your Measurements to Metric
Terms of Endearment: The Language of Recipes
Storing and Serving Leftovers
“We live in Canada and after dinner we put the turkey outside in a snow bank because the refrigerator was full. Last night we had another snowstorm roll in and it covered up our leftovers. We can’t find them! I guess we’ll have to dig around the yard a little.”
A Page from the Little Black Book of Hot Numbers
about the author
