Brave, Not Perfect

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Reshma Saujani. Brave, Not Perfect

Introduction. Daring the Unthinkable

Why Me?

1. Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

The Origins of Perfectionism

The Overpowering Need to Please

The “Softer” Sex

Perfection or Bust

The Fixed Mindset

Silenced Voices

2. The Cult of Perfection

Pretty Like Mommy

#perfectgirl

Changing the Code

3. Perfection 3.0: When the Perfect Girl Grows Up

How Did I Get Here?

The Myths of Perfection

Myth #1: Polished Equals Perfect

Myth #2: Once Everything Is Perfect, I’ll Be Happy

Myth #3: If I’m Not Perfect, Everything Will Fall Apart

Myth #4: Perfection Is the Same as Excellence

Myth #5: Failure Is Not an Option

Myth #6: I Need to Be Perfect to Get Ahead

The Truth about Perfection

4. Redefining Bravery

Is Bravery a Male Trait?

A New View of Bravery

In a World Full of Princesses, Dare to Be a Hot Dog

Brave Like Women

5. Why Be Brave?

6. Build a Bravery Mindset

Strategy: Keep Your Tank Full

Strategy: Claim the Power of “Yet”

Strategy: Do the “Drama vs. Wisdom” Test

Strategy: Look for Your Ledge

Strategy: Ask Yourself: What Scares Me More?

Strategy: Take Your Own Advice

Strategy: Set Daily Bravery Challenges

7. Get Caught Trying

Strategy: Ask for Feedback

Strategy: Surround Yourself with Rejection

Strategy: Get Your Fear Signals Straight

Strategy: Start Before You’re Ready

Strategy: Choose Failure

Strategy: Do Something You Suck At

Strategy: Take on a Physical Challenge

Strategy: Use Your Hands

8. Nix the Need to Please

Strategy: Trust Yourself

Strategy: No Fucks Given

Strategy: Ask “And Then What?”

Strategy: Just Say No

Strategy: Make the Ask

Strategy: Nevertheless, Persist

9. Play for Team Brave

Strategy: Show the Mess Behind the Scenes

Strategy: Support the Sisterhood

10. Surviving a Big, Fat Failure

Step One: Throw a (Short) Pity Party

Step Two: Celebrate Your Failure

Step Three: Shake It Off (Literally)

Step Four: Review, Reassess, Realign

Step Five: Try Again

Acknowledgments

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RESHMA SAUJANI is the Founder and CEO of Girls Who Code, a national nonprofit organization working to close the gender gap in technology while teaching girls confidence and bravery through coding. A lifelong activist, Reshma was the first Indian American woman to run for U.S. Congress. She’s been named a Fortune 40 under 40, a WSJ Magazine Innovator of the Year, and one of the Most Powerful Women Changing the World by Forbes. She is the author of three books, including Women Who Don’t Wait In Line and the New York Times bestseller Girls Who Code: Learn to Code and Change the World. Reshma lives in New York City with her husband, Nihal, their son, Shaan, and their bulldog, Stanley.

‘Reshma Saujani is . . . empowering “an army of young women” to take on tech’s gender gap’

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Brad also currently coaches the girls’ basketball team, which he’s found to be much different from his experience coaching the boys. “With girls you have to stay constantly positive,” he says. “If you go negative or critical, they just shut down and there’s nothing you can do to pull them out of that funk. If boys lose, it’s just a game . . . they figure they’ll play hundreds of games in their high school career, they’ll get over one loss. For girls, a loss is personally defeating. They think, ‘Why am I even playing basketball at all?’”

Debbie Hanney is the principal of Lincoln Middle School, an all-girls school in Rhode Island. She sees many parents caught between wanting to teach their daughters resilience and wanting to shield them from the sting of failure. She describes how, when a girl gets a 64 on a test, parents immediately swoop in and focus on how their daughter can get that grade up or take the test over. “We try to explain it as one thing on the continuum, but parents are understandably nervous in this day and age. It’s hard trying to encourage them to let their daughters fail,” she says.

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