Beyond Emotional Intelligence

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S. Michele Nevarez. Beyond Emotional Intelligence

Table of Contents

List of Illustrations

Guide

Pages

Praise for Beyond Emotional Intelligence

BEYOND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Preface

Note

Introduction: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

La Chispa: The Spark to Our Affect

Affect and Ego: A Tale of Two Good Buddies

Creating Optimal Internal Conditions

The Value Stream Map of Perception

The 12 Self-Discoveries

1 The Evolution of Emotional Intelligence

The Business Context from Which Emotional Intelligence Emerged

Democratizing Emotional Intelligence

The Prerequisites of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence Is Here to Stay

The Neuroscience of Emotion

The Tale of Two Emotions: Classical and Constructed

Where Does That Leave Us? On an Emotional Cliffhanger

Notes

2 An Introduction to the 12 Self-Discoveries

The Science of the 12 Self-Discoveries

Self-Discovery 1: We Are the Common Denominator

One of Many Possible Missions

Sense-Making Machines

When Hindering: We Are the Common Denominator

Self-Discovery 2: Igniting Your Inner Coach

Self-Discovery 3: Perception + Interpretation = Your Reality

Self-Discovery 4: What Do We Have Influence Over?

Self-Discovery 5: You Don't Have to Believe Everything You Think

Self-Discovery 6: For Better or Worse, Your Focus Becomes Your Reality

Self-Discovery 7: What Are You Building Evidence For?

Self-Discovery 8: Deficit-Based Bias

Self-Discovery 9: Seeing the Best in Self and Others

Self-Discovery 10: Emptying Your Headtrash

Self-Discovery 11: Mantras, Metaphors, and Maps

Self-Discovery 12: Happiness Is a State of Mind

The Outcomes of Self-Discovery

Notes

3 What We Have Influence Over

Perception of Agency

If Not Free Will, Then Why Not Free Won't?

Agency of Mind

What's Influence Got to Do with It?

Self-Discovery: Perception + Interpretation = Your Reality

Perceptions Aren't Quite What We Imagined, or Are They?

Staying Alive—It's a Tough Job, But Somebody Has to Do It

What Exactly Do We Have Influence Over?

We Can Change Our View

The Rudder of Our Own Mind

Stimulus and Response: A New Paradigm

Our Means

What We Can't Control

All Good Things Come to Those Who Wait4

Notes

4 You Are the Common Denominator

Perception Is the Axis Mundi

We Are Our Own Frame of Reference

L'Ego My Ego

Our Sense of Purpose and Being, Nature's Insurance Policy

Notes

5 You Don't Have to Believe Everything YouThink

The Meaning We Make

It Is Written

Valence, Salience, Rapidity, and Duration

Off Your Rocker

Note

6 Your Focus Becomes Your Reality

Any Reality but This One

Awareness Matrix

Top of Mind

X's and Y's

Putting the Awareness Matrix into Practice

The Qualities and Expressions of Awareness

The Zone of Awareness, “Zone A”

Mindspace

Mindsight

Mindlight

Minding

Compassion

Note

7 What Are You Building Evidence For?

Perception Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Deficit-Based Bias

Deficit-Based Bias in Organizations

Perceptual Reframing

Cognitive Reframing

When Helping: Deficit-Based Bias

Emptying Your Headtrash

Mental Hygiene

Seeing the Best in Self and Others

Hit the Road, Jack1

When We “See” Each Other

When Helping: Seeing the Best in Self and Others

Note

8 Happiness Is a State of Mind

Breaking Free from Behavioral Inertia

Habits and Behavior: The Momentum of Many Moments

Experiencing Emotion as Energy and Movement

Notes

9 Mantras, Metaphors,and Maps. Mantras

Metaphors

Maps

Putting the 3M's into Practice

Our MindBody Map

The Five Domains of MindBody Alignment

Our Relationships

Our Social Identity

Self-Expression

Self-Identity

10 Cultivating Emotionally Intelligent Habits of Mind

Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet, I'm Hunting Habits! He-e-e-e-e!

Now It's Your Turn

Creating the Ideal Inner and Outer Conditions for Habit Change

Dealing with Outer Obstacles

Lean In

Poke Yoke

Working with Inner Obstacles

Discovering Our Mental Models

Don't Try to Cover the Sun with One Finger

Relationships

Self-Identity

Self-Expression

MindBody Alignment

The Impact of Our Mental Models, Attitudes, and Beliefs

11 Reimagining Emotional Intelligence

An Emergent View of Emotional Intelligence

To What End and with What Purpose in Mind?

Present-Moment Potential and Emergent Capacity

Our Means: Our Inner Coach

Our View, Our Awareness, and Agency of Mind

Reframing Our Meaning

Our Knowledge and Experience

Our Context and Wellbeing

A New Paradigm of What It Means to Be Emotionally Intelligent

Generative Capacities and Receptive MindBody States

Resultant and Context-Specific Stances

Is the Observer an Illusion?

All's Well That Ends Well

References

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Index

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“Michele Nevarez has done it! Her years of study and personal experience have come together in a beautiful way to deliver Beyond Emotional Intelligence. This is a book that melds intellect with humanity and provides a framework for truly understanding mind-based habits facilitating an existence with life's most valuable riches.”

—Kim Ades President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and The Journal That Talks Back

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Given the incredibly complex and nuanced nature of perception both from a physiological and psychological perspective, I've taken the liberty of putting together a working model that attempts to capture the perceptual process along with its outcomes. I refer to this as the value stream map of perception (VSM). In case you are wondering what a value stream map is, it's a methodology derived from the discipline of Lean process management and is meant to visually map a process from beginning to end. It is a clever mechanism that allows us to see the big picture and pertinent details in a single visual snapshot. It's an ingenious way to conceptualize and study the elements of any given process and to be able to visualize the otherwise invisible relationship between each step, obstacles to flow, efficiencies to be gained, redundancies, and opportunities for optimization. It enables us to conceptualize what has been right before us all along but has been both too close and too distant for us to see and aptly relate to. By depicting what is otherwise inaccessible to us, we can start to see patterns, themes, and nuances—pointing us toward the inner workings and potential of any given system. With perception and our habits of mind at the center of our inquiry, we can start to uncover where we may consistently be getting hung up or derailed and, in turn, where we have direct and indirect influence on the process.

What could be more important than our ability to influence our own outcomes? I can't think of anything more relevant or important than exercising whatever measure of influence we have over what we think, say, or do in response to our perceptions. Can you? In this book, I introduce you to the mechanisms underlying your patterns of perception and how you habitually make sense of what you perceive. By becoming both an observer and witness to what is operative underneath the results you're consistently getting in your life and in your relationships, you'll practice paying attention to the meaning you attribute to your own experiences. In so doing, you'll learn where the potential exists to influence your own behaviors and habits that might otherwise remain unconsciously ingrained, including those aspects of perception that are preconscious. As you're able to spot and exercise what you have influence over relative to your own experience, you'll be in a better position to act in accordance with what matters to you most. Assuming having influence and efficacy in your own life are important to you, you're in luck because that's exactly what this book will give you—practices that allow you to regain the stronghold of your own mind.

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